BySecondhand Toke, writer at

I found it appropriate to start this blog off with a divisive title, a movie that was an odd pick for someone like myself. I'll be honest, I'm just as surprised as you are that my first review, and a positive one at that, was made by the guys who did Epic Movie and Meet the Spartans. If you have stopped reading at this point, I don't blame you, but I beg you to reconsider. Allow me to explain:

I began this journey with my buddy Super Sour Diesel. I had seen Superfast! on Netflix at some point, but disregarded it. I'm not sure how I ended up watching it, but I found myself in a torrent of giggles.

The film opens with a shot of some ho's jiggly ass as she amps up for the illegal street race. As far as opening images in movies go, this is incredible; right off the bat we think, "this will be a superficial and empty." And it is. But it is honest about it, never once admitting it is more than a dumb parody movie.

This movie is secretly brilliant (stay with me). It's basically The Fast and The Furious in terms of the plot; fake Paul Walker (Alex Ashbaugh) plays an idiot cop infiltrating an illegal street racing faction, buddying up with tough guy fake Vin Diesel (Dale Pavinski). Vin and Paul Walker become buddies, but Vin's long time buddy Curtis feels like a third wheel. Curtis angrily jumps at Paul Walker, but Vin grabs his hair and holds him back. This perfectly dramatizes their relationship; Curtis is Vin's dog, per se. Along the way we get some brilliant visual gags reminiscent of Airplane!, as well as some jokes that fall flat or go on wayyyy too long.

See? Not all bad
See? Not all bad

The structure of this movie is so solid, it even surprises itself. By ripping off all of the Fast and Furious movie beats, the film creates a logical story that we can follow, not just a bunch of miscellaneous lousy sketches like Meet the Spartans or Date Movie. This is what separates this one, and why I'm NOT crazy for praising it. Like Airplane! or Hot Shots!, by stealing the structure of one movie, they have given their movie the bare minimum requirements for entertainment.

The movie gets new life when a Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson rip-off, cleverly named Det. Rock Johnson, begins to pursue Vin and Paul Walker. The actors who play Det. Rock Johnson and Vin Diesel are perfect. They deliver lines in such a dead serious manner, perfectly mocking their characters. It's what Leslie Nielson's serious delivery in Airplane! (yes, okay, I really like Airplane!).

A lot o' jokes about baby oil
A lot o' jokes about baby oil

There are too many cultural jokes or jokes that require the viewer to understand The Fast and Furious franchise (Minions, rappers, The Bachelor, etc.). Let's face it, in twenty years this will be a snooze fest. But there are so many decent jokes. Visual gags like a man getting crushed under a hood. Jokes about cars, like damn child-safety seat belts, locking keys in a car, missing the turn when GPS navigates.

See what I mean?
See what I mean?

There's a great moment when Paul Walker's love interest is explaining to him that she's pregnant with his child, which is particularly hilarious. The movie has plenty of great scenes like this, but instead decides to make those dumb cultural and self-referential jokes that drive me up the wall (get it? Drive?).

This is by no means Citizen Kane, or...Airplane!; Paul Walker's actor overplays his dumbness, and there's a scene with him and his undercover contact that is painfully unfunny. There are quite a few scenes that should end like five minutes earlier.

But the fact of the matter is, I lost my ass because I laughed it off. There's a character named Rapper Cameo, who is exactly that, and Cool Asian Guy, for the same reason. And to the filmmakers' credits, there is no gross-out humor that I can think of (remember in Date Movie when that woman is flossing and an entire piece of chicken comes out?).

This is writer-director duo Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg's Citizen Kane, which is like saying Rampage is Uwe Boll's Citizen Kane. Bad filmmakers make a decent movie by adjusting their usual formula. Check it out, but only with a little MJ or Coors Lite on the side.


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