Film 3 in the “Random Movie Roulette” is 2001’s “Mike Bassett: England Manager”. Mike Bassett (play by Ricky Tomlinson (better known as Jim Royle in “The Royle Family”)) has just become manager of England after the previous manager suffered a heart attack. Bassett has just won the Mr Clutch Cup with Norwich City. To me, this film feels a lot like looking into the life of someone who is an expert at Football Manager and decides to become a real manager only to end up managing England. Not saying that’s a bad thing. This was a really fun film to watch. Some very funny moment. Even looking at the players and going “he’s clearly impersonating so-and-so”. For example, Kevin Tonkinson (played by Dean Lennox Kelly) is a parody of Paul Gascoigne. Rufus Smalls is Emile Heskey (Heskey currently plays for Bolton Wanderers), Gary Wackett is a parody of Stuart Pearce. Hell, in the film, Wackett admits he’s “Psycho” (Psycho would be Pearce’s nickname). Steve Harper is clearly a parody of David Beckham and Alex Massey, i think, is a parody of Gary Neville. Also, this film predicts the future. Well… kind of. It predicted that England would do badly in Brazil (in real life, England were bottom of their group with one point out of nine) and it made fun of bad connection problems on Skype. Overall, this is a real fun film to watch. I would definitely recommend it to anyone who is a football fan or anyone who wants something to laugh at. If you have seen this film then let me know what you thought of it in the comments. Here is what I had to say while watching 2001’s “Mike Bassett: England Manager”
Film – Mike Bassett: England Manager
Year – 2001
Director – Steve Barron
Staring – Ricky Tomlinson, Amanda Redman, Bradley Walsh
IMDb Rating – 6.8/10
My Rating – 7.5/10
Length – 85 min (1h 25min)
Genre – Comedy, Sport
We start with a quote by Kevin Keegan
NEWFLASH – Norwich City have won the Mr Clutch Cup
End the bloody match!!
Time for the parade with Tina Turner karaoke
You idiot!!! You’ve gone the wrong bloody way!
In the FA Office, it’s time for a meeting to decide a new manager
We’re gonna have to find an British manager
How about Sir Alex Ferguson? – Na! He’s Scottish
Brian Clough? – Na! He’s a bit of a big mouth
David O’Leary? – Not interested
Let’s give it to lower league manager Mike Bassett
Who opens their curtains in the nude?
We meet Karine, Mike’s wife who tells us how she met him
He really let himself go when he joined Darlington
He then became manager at Colchester United
First Class in GNER
Mike says he answer everyone’s questions about him
Luck is all you need in life
Former assistant manager at Coventry City now a ticket conductor – Not the life Tony wanted
Mr Kipling’s poem follows Mike
“Football touches many peoples lifes”
Mike’s first game is a World Cup Qualifer against Poland
All Mike wants is for his dad to see him
Mike’s dad played 20 years with Preston North End
Time to officially unveal Mike as England manager at a press conference
Mike says he can win the World Cup
Stop being negative “Mr Media”
Mike needs to appoint an assistant manager and a coach
The new coach is Dave Dodds
Assisstant manager used to sell 2nd hand cars
Buy my car and I’ll take the job
Mike decides to visit Kevin Tonkinson in Sunderland
Sack of crap car has broken down
It’s clear Kevin Tonkinson is a spoof of Paul Gasgoine
Time for training
Wait… All of you were born between Jan-June?
And they were all born in the second half of the month
Gary Wackett seems to be Stuart Pearce
Rufus Smalls is Emile Heskey
Shout out to Question of Sport
Deano & Danny is defence
Steve Harper is David Beckham
Who keeps ice-cream in their cars?
Alan Massey is clearly Gary Neville
Time for another press conference with the players
England will play 4-4-2 against Poland
Time for the match
Get off that bloody phone
Final words before the game – “Keep your cool”
Thanks for explaining what 4-4-2 is
And we’re off
GOAL!!!!! England 1-0 Poland – Kevin Tonkinson with the 1-2 with Smalls
Damn! Poland scored from a penalty with 15 minutes to go
Fuck! Poland win 2-1
Post match conference time
The media critisize Mike for everything
Let’s be thankful that no one got injured
Someone with a chipmunk voice says no one wants to be commentating for Channel 5
Lets look at the match and looks at key notes
What’s this? Bloody wife taped over match with Ground Force
Time for more training while we interview Dave
Somewhere in Staffordshire and it’s time for sports performance training… with science
Don’t buy fancy cars! Buy a Hyundai
“To be the ball, you must become the ball”
FEAR testing wth Wackett
Skills with Danny & Deano
Who wants to play like Mark Lawrenson?
None of these look safe
That’s almost everyone injured
Smalls is unsettled?!?
Rule #1 – Don’t write a team sheet on a packet of cigs
28 players is just right for a team
Belguim vs England
Wackett’s playing with a broken jaw
Belguim 3-0 England
Back with the chipmunks who say the England team are playing with confidence
Back with Karine who talks about handling pressures of being Mike’s wife
Manchester United’s playing? – Fuck that!
Mike’s having a nightmare – He thinks Bobby Moore is chasing him
Tonkinson’s been arrested for drink driving
Mike’s just dropped Tonkinson!
Pressure? What pressure?
Time for Mike to change formation
Wait! Tonkinson is back in the squad
England vs Slovenia – D-Day
England must win or Turkey qualify
No! Wackett’s been red carded for attacking a player
10 minutes left and it’s still 0-0
England have a penalty
Smalls to take the penalty and he sails it over the bar
It’s all over! 0-0 and Mike gets heckled off the pitch
Wait! England are in the World Cup! Turkey have lost 2-0
Let’s celebrate with a piss-up in the hot tub
NO! Don’t shit in the hot tub Tonkinson
Time to record the World Cup song with Atomic Kitten who are one girl down
We’ll just add this to the list of bad England songs
Welcome to Brazil
England meet with Scotland in the airport
Here come Ireland – Or England B team
Shit! We’ve got a 3-way fight
Pele? What are you doing here?
Pele can’t see England getting out of their group – This film already predicted out ourcome in Brazil 2014
England have Egypt, Mexico and Argentina in their group
What’s an Opel?
It’s time for the World Cup
This film also predicted Skype’s bad connection problem
It’s England vs Egypt in Match 1 of 3 in their group
This games quite boring to watch
Even the goalkeeper’s bored
The announcer’s so bored he’s playing cards
Fans heckle the team as they head back on the coach
Fans give Mike some tactics and Mike tells them all to fuck off
England fans are riotting about England’s performance
What’s Wackett doing in the riots?
“You’re shit! And you know you are!”
Mike calls his wife about Jason
Turns out Jason had his eyebrows shaved off because of the result
Back home and Karine and Jason are leaving London to stay somewhere else
3-1-2-1-2 for Mexico
Where are the footballs?
Why is our assistant manager shopping when we should be training?
Dave tries stealing a ball from some kids
So.. They’re training and playing a game… without a ball
It’s half time at England vs Mexico
England are losing 2-0
And Mike is giving his team the riot act
“England lose 4-0″ – So much for that
The Media asks Mike about the game
Mike asks The Media if England can beat Argentina
Everyone says no
Mike then calls everyone a wanker
CCTV footage shows Tonkinson kicking a hooker out of his room
And Tonkinson’s been dropped.. Again!
Time for an meeting with the players
Don’t talk about Mexico!
Mike says his assistant manager is a waste of space
And that’s the assistant manager sacked and Mike has a broken nose
Mike and Tonkinson chat at the bar
That night, Mike strips while drunk dancing on the bar
Shit! It’s Pele!
“Oh Christ! It’s the English”
The FA Chairman arrives to carm Mike down
Well… This has taken a turn for the worst
Ronaldo? What are you doing here
Ronaldo has no idea who Mike Bassett is
Time to face The Media
Mike starts the conference by saying that he’s staying as England manager
Just blame the anti-depressants
Tommo says no one wants Mike as manager
Oh! And Karine’s divorced Mike
Mike then quotes Mr Kipling’s “If-”
“England will be playing 4-4-fucking-2″
Scotland are out of the World Cup
And England need to beat Argentina to advance
“Two Tribes” by Frankie Goes to Hollywood! TUNE!!!!
[INSERT FOOTAGE OF ENGLAND’S PAST WITH ARGENTINA]
Tommo says if England win, he’ll become a bin man
Mike makes Massey the new captain
England are taking the game to Argentina
Wait! Tonkinson’s back
5 minutes left and Tonkinson’s on as a sub
And it’s still 0-0
Tonkinson has scored!!! England have won!!
Hold up! The Hand of God! On Argentina!
Tonkinson celebrates by running around nude
And Tommo is now a bin man
Next up – Romania in The Last 16
And England win 3-0
And England beat France 2-0 in the Quarter Finals
But England lose to potential winners Brazil in the Semis
On the plane home and Mike thinks he’s failed
He even considers handing the manager job to Dave
Mike and the England team return to a hero’s welcome by fans, Karine and Jason
Wait! Don’t they need to play a 3rd place game?