Have you ever watched a FRIDAY THE 13th movie and said to yourself, “this is great and all, but what this movie lacks is a telekinetic girl battling with Jason”? Well, you’re in luck because FRIDAY THE 13th PART VII: THE NEW BLOOD does just that. Your wildest fantasies have come true.
Now, I look at it from a different perspective. Remember the first three films that copied the scary CARRIE nightmare ending? Well, I guess they decided that instead of just copying the ending, they’d just copy the whole damn plot! Enter girl with telekinesis, just like CARRIE, who gets teased mercilessly by the other kids her age, just like CARRIE, and she kills a parent using her powers, just like CARRIE. See where I’m going with this? Of course you do.
Also, does nobody know how to drag a lake? First Jason is stuck on the lake floor for who knows how many years, then he’s stuck on the lake floor all over again for who knows how many years. Then for the hat trick the final girl’s father drowns in the lake, but just like Jason his body isn’t recovered. WHAT? That’s so preposterous!!! It serves the plot well, but reality would take issue with this.
Anyway, Forest Green is now—once again—Crystal Lake, and somewhat similarly to the set-up for FRIDAY THE 13th PART IV: THE FINAL CHAPTER, with a family staying in one house near the lake, and a group of rowdy, horny teens in the neighboring house, but it’s not the same because…girl with telekinesis is the puzzle piece that makes it all different (hmmm…it’s hard to get sarcasm across when it’s only written down)! No, nope, nope, nope, it’s too damn similar for my taste.
Also, you’ll be pleased to know that the throwing people through windows motif is still alive and strong seven films later. Well, this time it’s Jason, but I’m still saying it counts. Again, Jason is superhuman, and faster than a speeding bullet as there is a scene where he gets from the lake beach all the way near the center of the lake in about seven seconds. I’m pretty sure that that is goddamn impossible. Whatever, he’s Jason, he can do as he pleases because…reasons.
Also, is it just me, or do they keep bringing back the same teen for every movie? I’m aware that that is ridiculous, but they seem to have two type of men that are in every film, and they look very similar…hmmm…maybe it’s just their haircut, but damn…I can’t keep them all straight.
So the rules are still in place. Have sex, you die; do drugs, you die; put on makeup to make yourself more attractive to the men downstairs, you die(?). Then the final boss battle, which is actually pretty cool in this one because of the whole telekinesis angle. Survivors survive, and much rejoicing is had by all.
Unfortunately there isn’t really anything new here, except for the telekinesis thing. But even that is dealt with lazily. Yeah it’s cool and all, but they don’t blow your mind with it. The body count is high, which isn’t surprising because it’s a FRIDAY THE 13TH film. But most of the deaths are just repeated from past FRIDAY THE 13TH films.
So I wouldn’t recommend this, when you’re doing a marathon you can skip right past V and VII.
But now, lucky me, I get to watch my second favorite FRIDAY THE 13th film. I deserve this for going through V and VII. Finally, a reward!!! YES!!!