Welcome to my review of unfriended. After reading Mara Mulkin's shocking review of this horrific film, I felt compelled to write my own.
Once upon a time, a girl with remarkable ugly legs and small tits awkwardly flirts with a typical jock type on skype. then all of a sudden, their friends magically appear in a conference call. But OH MY GOD, THERE IS A MYSTERY PERSON INCLUDED IN THE CALL!!!! SHIT! annoying white teenagers scream at each other for the entire film while they die one by one and you never stop hearing that annoying message received sound. While watching the kids die, I realised that the movie didn't even try to make me care about any of them. Must be because they were a bunch of clowns with their heads shoved up the butt of this horrifically terrible director, Jose nobodygivesaflyingfuck.
The only good thing about the film is that it ends, but it's so bad that time fucking stops and you feel immortal, which I guess you could consider a good thing.
If you like watching a bunch of white kids screaming at each other on a skype call for an hour and a half, "camera shake" moments, skipping, buffering, etc, and tired horror cliches that were never funny when they first came out, this is the movie for you.
If you like movies that are ACTUALLY movies, you know, where they shoot actual scenes and aren't just one big middle finger pointed at the audience's intelligence, then this is not the film for you.
If you are a horror fan, this is not the film for you.
If you thought this was a good movie, it's time for you to start seeing a psychiatrist.
The entire movie is a skype call. G fucking G.