The internet is a big place, and the darkest, dampest corners of it have a habit of breeding weirdos. Take Craigslist, for instance. There's only one rule of Craigslist, which is don't respond to the guy who's offering to sell you his unwanted puppy as long as you meet him at 3AM in the far corner of a Walmart car park.
Now that we've got that covered, let's take a look at five times ads posted on Craigslist sounded weirdly like the plot of a movie (because the truth really is stranger than fiction).
5. The guy from Idaho who hired another man to fulfill his girlfriend's disturbing sexual fantasy...
There's a certain point when a sexual fantasy crosses the line between freaky and downright creepy. In 2012, a 32 year old man from Idaho posted an ad on Craigslist recruiting for another man to break into his home and attack his wife -apparently "forcible rape" was a "fantasy" of hers. Michael Combs responded to the ad and agreed to break in and carry out the rape, only to be held at gunpoint by the woman. Apparently, a similar incident had occurred just a few days prior.
From bizarre sexual fantasies that really aren't sexy at all to unbelievable plot twists, the whole thing has a strong stench of Fifty Shades of Grey - in fact it seems so much like something the titular Grey would do to the ever-willing Anna that it's hard to believe E.L. James didn't come up with it first.
4. The scorned spouse who got incredible revenge on her cheating husband whilst he was out of town...
In 2013, a woman from the Vancouver metro district held a "spontaneous estate sale" in honor of her "piece of trash" husband opting to spend the weekend with his "floozie". There's nothing quite like a revenge-themed yard sale.
Amongst the goodies auctioned off were two reclining red leather sofas, pieces of art and a lawnmover, but no clothes as these had already been incinerated.
"I am looking forward to moving forward!", she wrote at the end of the ad, presumably missing the irony of the fact that she was spending the weekend plotting the most elaborate and financially hurtful revenge imaginable.
It's a story that sounds familiar...
Country music is awash with scorned women, and Carrie Underwood goes full on vengeful ex in the music video for Before He Cheats by taking a key to her man's car. Carrie knows how to hit a guy where it hurts.
3. This guy who has a stalker and nowhere to stay
Really no need at all to mention the stalker thing here, unless you're hoping to snare a roommate with some kind of stalking fetish. There are a whole load of ways this situation could turn very weird, very quick, and you know exactly which movie we're reminded of here...
Yup, it's all sounding very Single White Female. Hopefully the new roommate has a more reasonable haircut than Bridget Fonda. And no gun.
2. This guy who's had just about enough of the 'gaystapo' and thinks Putin has the right idea
This charming cad from the notoriously right-wing Highland Park neighborhood of Dallas decided to take to Craigslist recently to educate the good people of his city about the dangers of the gay propaganda being spread by the "Gaystapo". Top marks for grammatical creativity, although this does demonstrate a pretty fundamental misunderstanding of how the Gestapo actually operated.
It gets weirder still when the poor, frustrated author, who's just trying to live his sinless heterosexual life in peace, observes that children exposed to gay people will end up getting a sex change, "like Bruce Jenner". Well, dang - better stay indoors!
The infamous gaystapo propaganda movie Dallas Buyers Club springs to mind here, although I suggest the author steers well clear - it's well known that everybody who saw this movie woke up gay the next day.
1. Ain't no party like a spring break party
Short and sweet, it only seemed right to include one advert to which a normal person might actually respond. The "byob" instruction is slightly disappointing, (seriously, hosts should at least provide beer) but otherwise this person sounds sane (horny, but sane). And if you're too far away from Bartlesville to attend the spring break party of a stranger off of Craigslist, or you're not female, you can always live vicariously by just watching Spring Breakers instead.
So there we have it. Five perfectly good reasons to stay the hell away from Craigslist. Right, gotta bounce - I need to find a roommate...