ByMatthew Wilson, writer at
I just came to drink beer and type reviews, and I'm still drinking.

Before this movie was even in theaters I was already super pumped for it. A fresh new (theatrical) take on an old classic! To be entirely honest I wasn't disappointed. The movie dragged a bit in some scenes here or there (of course) but it was quite a visual treat.

But like the title suggests, there were a good many delayed reactions to the film. I know this certain depiction was based off of a graphic novel ( which I've never even seen ) but I still had some issues with some of the story telling. Maybe it's just because of all of the old timey movies I've seen. But there was just something missing. I couldn't point it out until the very end; we'll get to that a bit later.

I loved the fact that they didn't make this version of Herc a muscle bound imbecile like Disney did. No offense Disney but you've got some serious sensitivity courses to attend to. Really. The company of heroes Herc had kind of reminded me of the raiding in World of Warcraft ( before all the mechanics were watered down like ketchup in the ghetto ).

Watching Herc piece together his family's murder was every bit heart wrenching as it was a nice change of pace in the movie. It made us question less and less why he'd become just a morally corrupt jackass who "fights for coin". But the ultimate knife in the back of course was knowing the king who hired him was instrumental in a civil war.

We didn't really have to wait too long for Herc's strength to show in the film. There are multiple instances within the runtime where he obliterated someone or something with his hands. But my all time favorite is when he straight up Falcon Punches someone's skull in and leaves him flying across the battlefield like Roy Harper in the previous season of Arrow. And if you don't know what I'm talking about then SHAME ON YOU!

Okay, now for my delayed reactions. I was left a bit confused about the "Herculean Armor". Though the description of the armor was "improvised" I was under the impression it was only supposed to be a rallying cry. Not actually invincible armor. And how the hell did they produce so much of it? They outfitted an entire battalion with "invincible armor" over night? Seriously? Now hear me out on this one. I'm all for suspension of disbelief, totally. You can make me believe than an Amazonian War Princess can be thrown from a moving chariot and not have a scratch on her. But you will not make me believe that every single leather worker and blacksmith in the region worked all those hours to make every piece of armor for an army in one night. Nope. Not going to happen.

Be that as it may. I was even a little pissed at the final battle with Cerberus. I was totally waiting for there to be this massive showdown with Herc and Cerb and for him to rip one of it's heads clean off. But what did I ( we ) get? We get the same recycled break the jaw until we're supposed to believe it's dead animation. It's pretty epic when you see it but once it was gone it was as memorable as his nephew's name ( pictured above looking like an armor clad Aladdin ). Which I do not feel like searching to find. Hell, I don't even remember any of the character's names. That's how forgettable the dialogue was.

But Matt, this movie wasn't supposed to be the Stanley Kubrick of Grecian Mythos movies! I know that, but it's not even the Michael Bay of Mythos movies..

All in all. I give this movie a 3 Beer Bottles out of 6. Cause I would have needed a couple more to think this was a perfect adaptation. Good job Rock, but you just didn't electrify me this time.

P.S. Stop stealing fates.


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