ByKit Simpson Browne, writer at
Writer-at-large. Bad jokes aplenty. Can be gently prodded on Twitter at @kitsb1
Kit Simpson Browne

(Warning - major SPOILERS for multiple older comic-book runs lie below. Also The Hulk literally tearing a guy in half. Proceed with whatever level of caution that suggests is prudent...)

One of the most peculiar features of Bruce 'The Hulk' Banner isn't, as it turns out, the fact that he turns into a giant green rage monster at the slightest provocation. I mean, sure, that's weird, but once you accept Marvel comics' internal logic about it being caused by gamma radiation (and inbuilt psychological trauma) it at least makes some kind of sense.

Instead, arguably the strangest thing about The Hulk? According to the vast majority of Marvel comics, he doesn't really do all that much damage.

I mean, USUALLY.
I mean, USUALLY.

Or, rather, the damage Hulk tends to do is (almost always) completely limited to the destruction of property. Which, sure, is pretty terrible, but it's really not in the same league as, say, mass murder.

The reason? Hulk is - according to Amadeus Cho, the seventh smartest person in the Marvel Universe, at any rate - constantly running the numbers in the back of his head, and making sure no innocents get hurt...

Despite that inbuilt safety net, though, Hulk has still done some pretty horrifying things.

Here are five of the most notable:

5. He Beat Up His Friends with a Statue They Made in His Honor

Now, in fairness, this one's notably less bad than what's coming up next - but even so, this was one of the greatest 'dick moves' in the Hulk's rage-monstering career...

Y'see, after saving the world in a more 'actually recognized by the people he was trying to save' manner than usual, the Hulk was set to be honored with an adamantium statue...and then went nuts, and used it to pound on his super-heroic pals.

Because, y'know...giant green rage monster.

That, though, is just a drop in the ocean compared to the time that:

4. He Actually Invaded the Earth

It's easy to forget that after the events of fan-favorite storyline Planet Hulk (in which Hulk acquired his own planet, having been sneakily kicked off of Earth by a bunch of his peers) the Hulk totally invaded the Earth.

Not only that, but he did so pretty darned successfully, and wound up turning Madison Square Garden into a gladiatorial arena. One in which he pitted the heroes who had wronged him against one another, ostensibly to the death:

Which ultimately just goes to show you - don't make The Hulk mad.

Speaking of which...

3. He Literally Ate Wolverine

Now, admittedly, this is where things get a little 'alternate reality-y', but it's still difficult to ignore the fact that back in Old Man Logan, Hulk not only became an incestuous gang lord with a penchant for murdering people's innocent families, but also ended up literally eating Wolverine...

...which, admittedly, didn't actually go all that well for him...

...but even so - not cool, Bruce. Not cool at all.

Doing horrible things to Wolverine has, over the years, become something of a habit, though. After all, there's also that time where:

2. He Ripped Wolverine in Half

Which, sure, was in the Ultimate Marvel universe - a place where terrible things happen pretty much every day, for no apparent reason - but even so.

That's still not OK, Hulk.

Though, in fairness, compared to the rest of the stuff Ultimate Hulk did, it's arguably not all that bad. After all, there was that one time when:

1. He Killed 800 People

Yup, that's right. The Ultimate Hulk once went on a killing spree in New York City - in order to kill Freddie Prinze, Jr. no less - and ended up killing over 800 innocent people.

Which, not too much later, the US government executed him for.

Now, he actually survived the execution - because otherwise how were we going to get to see Hulk smash things? - but there's still one incredibly important thing to take from all of that: the Ultimate universe was a super-depressing place.

What do you think, though?


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