Out of all the films we watched as kids, there is no doubt that there are many we still love and would watch as many times as we used to today quite happily. However they aren't all like that. Unfortunately as we grew up we realised that some films we used to love are actually... terrible. Just terrible. In some cases we would still happily watch these terrible films for the nostalgia, but there are some I am happy to live without forever. Like these five.
5. Zathura: A Space Adventure (2005)
When eight year old me found out there was a version of Jumanji in space, I went crazy with excitement. This film was a favourite of mine for a while, but I started to realise that without Robin Williams there is hardly any charm, despite the early career performances of Josh Hutcherson and Kristen Stewart, this film has nothing going for it except the plot it stole from Jumanji, and the version it has done is way worse than Jumanji. With all the promise of space, and all the things they could have done with it, this film was a major disappointment.
4. Stuart Little (1999)
Even the amazing voice of Michael J. Fox couldn't fix the plot of this ludicrious film. A mouse as a pet, that would be fine. That is not what this film is though. This film is about a talking mouse that is treated as a child. While this worked in book form by the legendary E.B White, it just doesn't translate to the screen. Don't even get me started on the sequels, yes, there were two sequels.
3. An American Tail (1988)
This film tries to show you how the American dream was viewed by the people of poorer countries like Russia years ago, however what it actually does is put the most annoying mouse in the world lost in New York, trying to find his family, which should be theoretically impossible. I'm not one to insult the God that is Steven Speilberg, so I will just say that, instead of being his fault, this film is the fault of the person who cast this kid.
Although the faults of this song were partly made up for by the song "There are no cats in America" which deserves an Oscar.
2. The Cat in the Hat (2003)
Pause that trailer at any part with the two kids on the screen, and feel the anger rise up inside you. They are the most annoying kids ever. I somehow used to enjoy this film. What was wrong with me? This film killed the book for me, and I love Dr Seuss. Forget for a moment about the cat himself, who was just ridiculous, and think about the Things, who were just pure evil. Now think about how things like Alec Baldwin's character (not in the book) were added in, ruining it even more, as they became major plot points. It was a true failure in film making, but even this atrocity could not match the simply laughable plot of the next film.
1. Thunderpants (2002)
You know what the above trailer does? It perfectly glazes over the fact that this kid has actually farted himself into space. It was sad to see Rupert Grint in this after all the success he had in the Harry Potter series, but we all have regrets right?There is no way I can truly tell you how ridiculous this film is, so I will let the film's own Wiki page speak for it.
"Born with two stomachs, Patrick Smash (Bruce Cook) is uncontrollably and devastatingly flatulent. No more than thirty seconds after his birth, he first broke wind, horrifying his parents (Bronagh Gallagher, and Victor McGuire) and doctor (Robert Hardy). As he grew up, Patrick's farts became so uncontrollable and destructive that his father had to flee their home, as he was often injured by the sheer power of his son's awesome gaseous emissions, whose force is so strong that it can blow people over. Patrick is bullied at school as a result of his condition, but eventually finds strength in his disorder, ultimately gaining revenge on the school bully Damon (Joshua Herdman) by passing gas in his face, leaving him scarred for life.
Patrick's only friend is child prodigy Alan A. Allen (Rupert Grint), who has anosmia, and, therefore, lacks the ability to smell. Alan and Patrick team up to make Thunderpants, reinforced short trousers strong enough to contain Patrick's emissions. Suddenly, Patrick learns that Alan went to USA with the government to assist astronauts who are trapped in outer space, and Patrick finds that his condition may be of use to the spacemen in peril."
That is simply the single most ridiculous attempt at film making I have ever heard of.
But I cannot lie, I loved it as a kid. Why? Fart jokes are funny to kids. Ask Adam Sandler, that's the only kind of joke he is capable of making anymore in his films.
Thanks for reading guys!