People say that college is where you find yourself, where you grow as a human being. For me, it was completely different. Up to this day I don’t know what I did wrong. Right out of high school I knew I wanted to direct or get a job talking or writing for a living. I was always good at being a leader, thinking outside the box, and writing. Words came to me so easily. I would spend most of my nights inside watching movies or riding my bike around the city and meeting new people. i loved the feeling of having a great conversation with people. I definitely did not live the stereotypical college life. Until one day: the day that marked my destiny. My friend Alex had told me about a pool party his friend was having. I was so awkard and antisocial I hated parties.I was so excited about the girls, drinks, not so much. I was determined to have a good night though. As I walked in, the smell of liquor was overwhelming, so I grabbed a drink non alcoholic and went out in search of the balcony to get some air. As I walked towards the door, I saw the most mesmerizing girl standing before me. blue jeans and a black top simple but sexy. She had a drink in her hand as well. Non alcoholic.. my type of girl Not being a smooth conversation starter, I bumped into her casually, hoping it would grab her attention. I ended up knocking her to the ground and, not knowing what to do, I quickly reached my arm out to help her up. her bracelet locked around her wrist I apologized, but surprisingly, she laughed and asked me to go with her to get another drink. We searched around and talked for a long while the conversation got so good we forgot what we were searching for. We try to continue talking but they start to blast the music. I knew we had something going, i didnt want to ask her back to my apartment that would come off way too thirsty and clique so i tried my best to keep the conversation going here. eventually we ended up walking around the block. a few blocks later we found ourselves in front of a movie store and since it was the only place this late we decided we’d go in. which actually was great for me because my only true love is movies and i need a girl with a good taste in movies. We probably spent a good a hour going through all the aisles of the movie store talking about so many movies and I have to say she had really good taste. Better than most of my friends. We ended up renting two movies one of my favorite movies and her favorite movie. I didn’t ask but it was kinda inferred that we needed a place to watch them. I would have felt stupid if I asked so I kinda just took the hint and started heading toward my dorm which was three blocks away from the movie store. I call the elevator down and I let her step in first. I push number 3 and I stood there awkward as the elevator went up. I walk to my dorm and unlock the door. I show her the couch and take her jacket as I walk to the kitchen to get us something to drink “This makes up for earlier” I laugh. We sit on my couch talking for a long time before I even realized how late it was. We were listening to music and just talking, though I did most of the talking. She was intimidating in a way; that kind of intimidating where you desperately want to shut up but you can’t. Nothing sexual even crossed mind. i kinda just forgot about all that as we talked. did i want to kiss her yes. did i have the guts. no. Finally I look at the table and asked did u want me to start the movie now? She giggled and I could tell she didn’t care about the movie. at first it was planned she was gonna leave at 1. 1 came around then 2. then 2 came around and 3. time flew by as we hit every subject talking. she didn't want to leave i could tell, this was good for me, i didn't want her to leave. finally 3:30 we were both getting pretty tired i could tell because every couple words she would yawn. I laid back on the couch to finish what i was saying and without any hesitation she came and laid right along side of me. i was in the back and she took my arms and wrapped them around her. i continued to talk for a bit longer until i heard her deep breaths and then a loud snore. She stayed the night.. we woke up early definitely didn't get my beauty sleep but it was the best sleep i've ever gotten, she had class so we went to the bathroom to wash her face and luckily i had an extra toothbrush, i used it once.. i didn't tell her that though. i walked her out and handed me her phone to put my number in. i didnt know what to do.. should i hug her? kiss her? i just gave a wave goodbye and like that she was gone. she left and i fell back asleep thinking about her. i woke up we began to frantically search for my phone. what if she texted me. what if she was a clingy girl who texted me evry minute wondering what i was doing.. oh no what did i get myself into… no text.. maybe she doesn't wanna talk? i get up and take a shower and throw on some clothes to go get some food. i get it to go cause eating alone is just pathetic. i head back home and sit on the couch as my roommate comes in. “how was your night? i didnt see u at all last night man what happened”. i tell him the story and he laughs. that was it just laughs and then he flips on the tv. my phone goes off. its her. i grab my phone and simply reply hey. not trying to sound too thirsty. i wanted more of her. just from last night i can tell that i want something to happen between us. we had a very short conversation before she asked if i was free. she wanted to see me again. i couldn't jump off the couch fast enough. We went for a nice walk around campus and then down to the lake to watch the waves. it was getting darker so i offered to take her out to dinner. dinner and then back to my place to talk some more. my roommate wasn't home again so we sprawled out on the couch and talked as we started a movie. she was beautiful. it was so hard for me to accept that i had her in my arms for the second night in a row. the movie ended and i looked at her and she looked at me. stop talking and just kiss me is what she was thinking i could tell by the she was looking at my lips. she placed her hands behind my head and pulled me down to her lips. we locked lips. we laid on the couch and made out getting more and more aggressive. she bit my lip and just as im about to bite hers she pulls away to sneeze then we laugh “its your fault i'm getting sick making me sleep without a blanket last night." She pretends to punch me hard. Ahh she was so playful I loved it. Not only did we connect so we'll but she was playful. We would hang out almost every night, and eventually we had grown feelings for eachother. I had Never skipped a class before I met her ,but sometimes I couldn't help but stay just to see her. we would walk thru the campus just talking and laughing. Her laugh made me laugh because it was so adorable cute. We'd walk to my apartment and wed sit on the couch. And every night would be the same thing. Id talk most of the night she'd sit staring eyes locked onto me I could tell she was watching my facial expressions as I told all types of stories. From stories about my sad past or stories about the time I peed myself In 1st grade. But after a while I got kinda anxious to hear about her life. The life she would never talk about. So after a few weeks I started to continuously ask her why she doesnt talk about herself. I know barely anything about you I'm always the one talking. I laid back on the couch as she came and curled up into my chest. She looked me in the eyes tears running down her far slowly as she told me that it's because she doesn't know how to talk. She's always been there for others but no ones cared enough to want to get to know her or be there for her. I wiped her tears away and after a few moments I said I care alot. So much. More than I've ever cared about anyone. I kissed her forehead and told her I loved more than i've ever loved anyone. she was my first love my only love. We fall asleep spooning on the couch.
…. The love that once existed had vanished in a matter of years. I don’t expect you to believe me, sometimes i dont even believe it myself. It all started with the lack of money. You can say we were the typical college kids, we got married right out of college, I majoring in English but had a hard time finding a job, and she dropped out. i tried my best to keep her happy while also trying to support us on mine and her minimum wage job. money was tight and i think that was the problem. living broke is very stressful and im sorry i had to give her such a horrible life. i still loved her with all my heart but sometimes it was to much. all shed ever do was scream and yell at me. i know it was due to money and if i could i would pay every bill and spoil the hell out of her. but again when ur broke its hard. i wake up spooning with her 5 years later. It's almost 8 and I got work at 10 so I get up and wash my face then get ready for work shes still alseep so i dont bother her, I heat up some waffles and grab the syrup. i pull out my bike and head to work. I left early because I wanted to stop off at the pawn shop. a few blocks from the grocery store i work at. a few weeks ago we were in there and she was looking at the jewelry so i figured id go see what i could find for cheap. i step up to the counter and find a bracelet that looks identical to the one she was wearing the night we went first said I love you. she lost it doing laundry at the laundry mat a few years back. her grandmother had given her that as a gift and because were to broke to have our own washer and dryer she lost it. iquickly call the man behind the counter to pull it out. 600 dollars. i onoy had 4 i tried too bargain the guy down seeing as im good with my words 550 is as low as i could get him. i had the cash so me being a hopeless romantic i get it even though that money was to go towards our electricity bill this month. ill call my mom and borrow the money i assured myself. “Noooo you borrowed enough from me Dustin. When are you ever gonna pay me back the 100 you owe me?” That’s where I hung up i didnt need this right now. I get berated enough, I didn’t want to hear that. A week later I got a notice in the mail: the electricity will be shut off in a week if I didnt make a payment by tomorrow. When a week went by and still no money to make a payment I knew shit was gonna get real, just didn’t know when. Of course it had to be right before I started work. She was blow drying her hair when the power went out. All hell broke loose, things went flying, angry words shouted. I left before I could blow up even though she was getting on my last nerve, i didnt want to say or do things i would later regret. I grabbed my keys, my bag, and my wallet. I got ob my bike and sped off down the alley, got on the main street and took off. Still too early for heavy traffic, I became enraged and reckless. i made a sharp turn and then bam! I crashed head first into a car coming out the alley. This may sound crazy. But it's kinda like that saying when your about to die and your whole life flashes before your eyes. My childhood and all my friends from grade school. The girl I have that box of chocolates to in. 2nd grade. My first kiss. My first day of high school. The day I graduated. Then the day my roommate came in and invited me to that party. The party where I met her. She was so beautiful. onlt girl in the room to catch my attention and that walk to the movie store. i closed my eyes and . . . nothing. My head felt heavy as if I just woke up from a deep sleep. I opened my eyes and, well I’m just going to be honest, I freaked out.. I was back in my college dorm. I got up and walked around and it was just like I remember, my lacrosse stick was under my bed, my dirty clothes pile was overflowing like always. At first I thought it was some kind of sick joke but then I heard keys at the door and my roommate walked in. That’s when I knew it wasn’t a joke. i was beyond the state of confusion and i began to question how this scenario was even remotely possible or logical at best. He had that same goofy haircut he had six years ago. I sat there as he walked in. “You okay man you look pretty pale, you getting enough sleep?” I didn’t know what to do so I just laughed and said, “Yeah man just a lot of studying.” “Come to this party with me its gonna be sick! It’s a house party with a pool, i heard theres gonna be hot girls.” I freaked out in my head as I realized this is the party where I met my future wife. I thought real long and hard about what I wanted to say. “Nah man I’m good. I got to study so I’m gonna just stay in tonight”. Maybe this was another chance i had to make something out of my life. A few minutes later he was gone. As soon as he left I walked to the computer, turned it on and started searching for a way to get back to the future. I read and read for hours with no luck. Was i in a coma and having a dream? I was about to give up and just lie down when I got an email. It was my English professor reminding me of the test we had tomorrow. I met my future wife my sophomore year, and this was a sophomore year English test. Since I didn’t know how to get back I figured I might as well go take this test i mean why not i was a english major let me just go ace this test and cool down before i try and go back. I laid down and turned the fan on as I let all my thoughts run free. Within ten minutes I knocked out. I woke up early, and showered. It’s funny, I kind of felt as if I was in college again. I arrived to class a bit early and didn’t see anyone I knew so I just sat and waited to get the test over with. I took the test and I swear I had never taken an easier test. I headed home and got back on the computer, still looking for answers. I don’t know how long I searched but long enough to get hungry so I headed down the street to get something to eat. I just got out the building when my professor turned the corner and shouted my name. He wanted to talk about something. I was trying to remember what had happened before all of this happened? Did i do something? Did i forget to turn in a paper? We found a café down the street and grabbed a bagel. He sat down and got straight to the point. “How’d you do it? How could a student who rarely shows up to class and sleeps when he does show up get 110 percent on the hardest test we took this year?”. do i tell him whats going on? I shrugged as I mumbled something about studying. “I don’t think you cheated, those answers are things that you can’t cheat on so just tell me why you are trying now.” We talked for a few minutes and he asked me to take a walk him. We walked about half a mile and got to a tall skyscraper. We took an elevator to the eighth floor and stepped in. As soon as we got off, he gestured at his companion introducing me with “This is the kid”. Right off the bat the other man offered me a job reviewing articles for his paper. The biggest paper of the city. I accepted right away with no hesitation. It was an amazing opportunity for me, I never had enough money in college the last time I was here. I started work and it actually was pretty fantastic, a job I dreamed of having. It's funny, I couldn't get a job as a graduate, but as a sophomore in college I was able to. Guess it's about being in the right place at the right time. Nothing much happened for the next few months besides working and the college life. However, one night a few months after work, I walked home a bit buzzed from the bar.. I got out my keys and opened up my dorm. I turned the lights on to see a big surprise. i knew she was promiscuous before she met me but i never imagined anything like this happening. i felt like someone stabbed me. the pain was indescribable. my heart broke in two as i stood there with my mouth open in pure disbelief. she was in bed with nathan. even though she didnt know that she was mine, i knew and that hurt me just as much. knowing that this beautiful girl was my wife, yet she had no recollection of our times together or the memories we made, is what hurt me the most. i wanted to punch him but i had to stop myself because he wasnt doing any wrong and neither was she. nathan apologized as he flushed red and they scrambled to pull the covers over them. i told them not to worry about it and i shut the door and let them be. walking away from them made it feel like someone was just twisting the knife that had already been buried in my side. before i left the building i went to where i had my bike locked up and knew that if i needed some clarity in my life and in my mind, going on a ride would help me find that escape. i turned my music to shuffle and let the world fade along with my problems as i took off without a clue as to where i was headed. i put my headphones in and tuned out everything that was going on. after a while of feeling numb, i realized that i was nearing a forest preserve so i decided to enter and continue to bike on the muddy terrain. i began to feel so much better and as the serenity surrounded me my thoughts became “Josh why do you always blame money for your problems if you spent half as much time worrying about showing her love and treating her like you used to treat. Maybe shed still be with you, why do u just assume she was so materialistic did you ever think that maybe she just wanted love.” then I woke..It was a chick shouting at me in terror. My head hurt and I was confused.. I got oup and see my bike mangled and broken up .no damage to the car so i just tell her im sorry and start walking home i d nto get my girlfriend before she leaves me again. I rush in and quickly yelled her name.. I told her how sorry I was and kiss her like we did back in college, with that passion what was already faded. I told her to leave for a few days as there is something I need to do. “Stay at your moms for the week, please. when you come back I'm sure things will be better then ever.” She leaves and I start writing. 4 days of writing with no sleep at all I even call off work to get it finished in time for my wife to come home. She comes home and I show her the book I've been working on. She cries that's how I knew it was goods I sent it to my college professor who was a published author and always told me he would look over anything I had and he \knows many people in the writing business. He sends it to a publisher and I take out a loan to keep us up and living while they check over my book. About three weeks later they get back to me and tell me they wanna publish it. My friend most have some some really great connections. I explain to my friend Im in need of money and he loans me money. He knows ill pay him back when and if this book starts making me money. We wait a few weeks and me and the wife are back to our old passionate life. I can't believe how dumb i was to do such a thing like not wanna be with the woman every man wished he could have. I really thought about it but maybe most of the fights were my fault. i got jealous, i'd always have to win the fights so when she was done i kept going. I was way to opinionated and i didn't like when she tried to be right. all this time i wanted something better, there is nothing better. i know that me meeting her was destiny because with her yeah i would have a nice job and money, but you see i realized i had this kinda hole in my heart that only love could fill. no other woman filled that hole like she did. Then I get the news my books is #1 seller of the year. You can't believe how much money it brought in. The book you ask? What is it about? What if I told you. It was this book?