It’s been a little while since I’ve been around and a lot of things have happened in that time. Right before I shuffled off into obscurity I did a plot prediction on the upcoming Batman V. Superman film. A buncha people read it. A buncha people liked it so I thought I’d give it another go BUT, instead of looking into the future, I’d look to the past to the many trip-ups and missteps Hollywood has made with our beloved franchises and characters.
As a writer of fan-fiction (See World War Z: The Chronicles of Dante at fanfiction.net for reference), I have always adhered to the rule that established canon is law. For better or worse it is the universe in which one has to play and altering it is the ultimate conceit of the undiscovered writer.
Now that I done wrote that down…
In 2009 we got X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Wolverine’s first stand-alone film and a cinematic look at the origin of the man who is the best there is at what he does. The movie promised action, suspense, and all the claw-popping, cigar-chompin’, bub-spoutin’ we could handle. Well…
What we got was five minutes or so dedicated to the origin, then a montage about war, then a half-assed Weapon X program where Wolverine was the best there is at whining about how bad they were being, then a sappy love story, then a kid-friendly revenge film, a Blob cameo that was too long, a pointless Gambit cameo that was waaaaaay too long, a couple of X-Men stowing away for foreshadowing purposes and the absolute crappiest depiction of Deadpool ever committed to film.
That’s how it went but,
Here’s How it Could Have Happened!
The original opening was fine. Let’s keep it; little Jimmy Howlett with his best bud Victor by his side in rural Canada. Jimmy and Victor’s revelry are interrupted by Victor’s father Thomas Logan bursting into the home in a drunken fugue yelling for Jimmy’s mother. Some Maury-ish wackiness later, (John Howlett in the case of little James Howlett, you are NOT the father!), John catches the business end of a shotgun and we go from Maury to Springer with James popping his claws for the first time...
and killing Thomas...
(what part of take care of yourself AND each other did you not understand?). The Logan boys take off and the opening credits begin.
Only this time we skip a few wars so we can showcase more of what’s going on. Instead of just Victor being the bloodthirsty animal we see snapshots of Wolverine’s berserker rage. We also see Victor noting his brother’s violent temper and the two boys enjoying a bit of bloodlust on the battlefield. From there they diverge with Victor not caring about his homicidal tendencies and Logan struggling with his demons.
We can close in Vietnam like last time and even keep Victor’s rapey-slashey moment but this time he gets overcome by his fellow soldiers and Logan comes to the rescue and having his inner berserker triggered when one of the soldiers shoots him in the chest. Victor smiles and, some PG-13 action later (because why would we want an R-rated Wolverine film?), it ends with Logan standing over the bodies of his comrades, claws extended soaked in blood.
Reinforcements arrive and riddle the brothers with bullets.
At this point we cut to black and there is a discussion as to what to do with them. Stryker appears at this point and offers to take them off the Army’s hands. We then hear him and Victor talking. Stryker compliments the sadistic mutant on his and Logan’s killing prowess and offers an opportunity for more. Creed makes the joke that they’ll have to stock up on tissues for Logan. Stryker counters with “I have an antidote for that.”
What follows is a blurry montage of Stryker using the same chemical compound featured in X3: The Last Stand to control Logan, a Weapon X that includes Logan, Victor, Zero and a dashingly handsome Wade Wilson along with some non-descript military types, Logan actually being the best there is at what he does, Logan receiving his adamantium and making use of it, and Logan finally breaking through the chemical controls and slashing his way out of the Alkali Lake facility.
Still with me? Good.
Logan wakes up in a hotel room next to this lady...
Silverfox. The montage is revealed to be a nightmare, one of many, from his fractured mind. He gets out of bed and goes to a window to sort through the cobwebs. Silverfox wakes up and beckons him back to bed. Logan spots trouble outside and excuses himself.
There he finds Victor...
standing all emo and imposing but, before they can get into it. Logan has to carve his way past several Weapon X soldiers. The ruckus brings in the authorities and Victor has to retreat.
Like the original, Victor and Stryker are working together to bring Logan back into the program. Like the original, Stryker has to keep Victor’s enthusiasm in check. Victor is tired of sending the stooges after Logan and wants to do the job himself along with Wade and Zero. Stryker insists that Logan was never lost, only that he has been on sabbatical, (who likes foreshadowing?). Still, Stryker relents and allows Creed to assemble Zero and Wade along with a loving support group of bloodthirsty soldiers to end Logan’s vacation.
Logan has done some detective work taking a scrap of cloth from one of the mutilated massacred mercenaries dumb enough to point a weapon at him and used it to track them back to their base of operations which comes as a big shock to them and Wade. Guns fire, claws pop and soldiers get taken out. Wade is the last man standing, albeit bleeding heavily. Logan makes some “pointed” inquiries and Wade spills who he is, who they are and that Zero and Victor are going after Silverfox.
Logan guts Wade and then rushes back to the hotel where he finds the room in disarray and massive amounts of blood everywhere. His nose doesn’t lie as he smells Silverfox, Zero and Victor. From there he follows his nose until finding a Weapon X compound. There he cuts his way in past soldiers and Zero and finds Creed, Stryker, and...
That’s right boys and girls, Silverfox is working with Weapon X. Oh, and this time she’s nobody’s pawn. She’s a proud card-carrying member of the mutant-hunting squad. Stryker welcomes Logan back into the fold, introducing himself revealing Silverfox’s role and promising to give Logan the answers he’s been searching for.
Creed however, has other ideas. Not one for the soft stuff he takes out Silverfox to provoke Wolverine’s anger.
In the ensuing chaos, Stryker flees. Logan and Victor completely wreck the place. Logan gets the upper hand leaving Victor unconscious in a burning, exploding laboratory. With no answers and chaos ensuing, Logan gather’s Silverfox’s body and carries it from the facility as it goes all rumble, boom, crash.
We’ll close with Logan on a motorcycle following leads to find Stryker.
MID CREDITS SCENE!!!
Amidst the rubble of the facility a lone figure strolls among the debris. The camera pans up and it is Deadpool! “Shit, I must’ve left the iron on again.”
And we’ll end it there.