ByGuenter Gudermuth, writer at
I enjoy watching and reading all that I can and have a particular fondness for animation.
Guenter Gudermuth

Team Captain: Snow White (Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs)

I know, I know, Snow White as the leader of a group sounds really ridiculous, but here me out. We all know that Snow White isn't exactly the toughest of the original Disney line up. However, like with a lot of the early princesses, people have been trying to make Snow White more tough and independent. Thanks to Once Upon a Time she has a bow and arrow and thanks to Snow White and the Huntsman she's been decked out in full night attire. Even the Disney version made her so loving and nice that the huntsman couldn't bring himself to kill her. Though it's because of Shrek the Third that she was made leader. Remember how she had the ability to control animals with only her voice? Let's just say she's leading some very useful creatures. Being made capable of combat is good, but isn't much compared to who she has.

Jake the Dog (Adventure Time)

A dog that helps princesses already? That should be child's play for Snow White. Jake spends his days hanging around his best buddy Finn and going on many crazy adventures. If there's a physical roadblock, you can bet Jake will handle it with no problem. Jake can grow, shrink, stretch, and pretty much do whatever he wants with his body. He can take care of a variety of problems like increasing his liver to deal with poison, growing giant to move around faster, or even turning himself into a brick. Granted, Jake is pretty stupid and usually relies on Finn for the plans. Though he will make a great bodyguard while the others are busy. He's one magical dog no one would give up.

Second Draft: King Kong

As if anyone would pass on this golden opportunity. King Kong is one of the most popular giant animals of all time. He fights dinosaurs on a regular basis and pretty much calls the shots on Skull Island. Of course he doesn't do well in America, but that's beside the point. He's strong, he's agile, and he's smarter than your average gorilla. That's not even counting the Godzilla crossover that gave him the ability to get power from electricity. Kong is eight wonder of the world and a badass animal to have under your spell.

Third Draft: Indominus Rex (Jurassic World)

Nothing like rounding out your minions with a creature that man should have left on the drawing board. When people start to get board seeing all the regular dinosaurs, a god damn psychopath decides to get their interest back by building his own dinosaur. As in most stories where someone tried to play god, this didn't work out so well and thus Indominus Rex was born and chose to wreck shit. Not only does it being a dinosaur make it useful already, but the Indominus Rex to also have other great abilities like invisibility is a wish come true for someone who can control it. Indominus Rex: man's ultimate achievement and ultimate fuck up.


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