THE CABIN IN THE WOODS. 2012. DIRECTED BY DREW GODDARD. SCREENPLAY WRITTEN BY JOSS WHEDON AND DREW GODDARD. PRODUCED BY JOSS WHEDON. STARRING CHRIS HEMSWORTH, KRISTEN CONNOLLY, ANNA HUTCHISON, FRAN KRANZ, JESSE WILLIAMS, RICHARD JENKINS, BRADLEY WHITFORD AND SIGOURNEY WEAVER. REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©
In the summer of 2015, I read the official movie novelization of a film I was unfamiliar with called THE CABIN IN THE WOODS. It was a dinky little book that fitted handily into my handbag and, once I picked it up, I actually couldn’t put it down. I just had to read right to the end and find out what the diddily-doodily was going on. It was literally that exciting.
I don’t normally read novelizations of films I haven’t heard of, but I do love films in which a group of feckless young people drive off to the middle of nowhere to stay in a ‘cabin in the woods’ and a bunch of freaky stuff happens to them, haha. I’ve really gotten into those kind of movies this year, films like CABIN FEVER and CAMP BLOOD and THE BURNING, etc. There’s bazillions of ’em, luckily for moi.
Plus, the book had a really cute picture of a log cabin on the front all twisted round like a Rubix cube. It was definitely eye-catching. For those of you who have the DVD (I’ve got it!), that’s got the same picture on it. They’re both a terrific addition to my collection. Shall we talk about the film now…? Perhaps we’d better. People will only listen for so long to me going on about how much I love my adorable little book-and-film combo…
Okay, so you’ve got five young people. There’s Curt the handsome alpha male, Holden the quiet but athletic and hunky studious male, Marty the stoner, Dana the good girl and Jules the slut. Well, I’m sorry but she is. She makes out with a stuffed wolf-head, for Chrissakes. They all dutifully go to their little cabin in the woods and a bunch of freaky stuff duly happens to ’em. Fairly standard stuff, right? Right. But what makes THE CABIN IN THE WOODS different is as follows…
Elsewhere, ie, not in the cabin, there’s a bunch of people sitting behind computers, watching the young people’s every move on a load of television screens. They’re not only watching, but they’re controlling the gang’s thoughts, feelings and actions as well through the use of various chemicals. To give you an example, Jules The Slut has her libido increased- as if she needs that!- by means of chemicals in her hair-dye, which the Lab Rats have tampered with. Why are they doing all this stuff? What’s the point of it all? And where exactly is it going…?
To somewhere exciting and frightening, that’s where. Just wait till goody-two-shoes Dana reads aloud from the Necronomicon, or little Patience Buckner’s diary, to be more accurate. Wait till you see what the Lab Rats are keeping behind locked doors at their little headquarters. And just wait till you find out who- or what- is behind it all, or should I say underneath it all…? Yes. Yes, I should say that. Cue evil laugh. Mwahahahahahahahaha…! Was that evil enough for you? Just shout out if it wasn’t and I can have a bash at it again. Yes, that’s right, I have literally nothing better to do.
Look out for Sigourney ALIEN Weaver as the woman who can explain at least part of the mystery to the traumatised young people. By the way, did you know that the gorgeous Chris Hemsworth, who plays Curt, is not only THOR but he also used to play Kim Hyde in Australian soap opera HOME AND AWAY…? I didn’t know until watching this film that he was both of those guys as well. He’s bloody gorgeous, anyway. I could watch him in anything. Preferably his birthday suit, haha.
One thing I really liked was that the film was one hundred percent faithful to the novelization. It’s great when that happens. Yes, I know. I heard it too. I’m blonde, however. Does that explain it? Maybe some mutha’s been tampering with my hair-dye. And did I mention how absurdly happy I am with my cute little THE CABIN IN THE WOODS book-and-DVD combo? I did? Oh good. I sure would hate for you guys not to know about that…
AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.
Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based performance poet, novelist, film blogger, sex blogger and short story writer. She has given more than 200 performances of her comedy sex-and-relationship poems in different venues around Dublin, including The Irish Writers’ Centre, The International Bar, Toners’ Pub (Ireland’s Most Literary Pub), the Ha’penny Inn, Le Dernier Paradis at the Trinity Inn and The Strokestown Poetry Festival.
Her articles, short stories and poems have appeared in The Metro-Herald newspaper, Ireland’s Big Issues magazine, The Irish Daily Star, The Irish Daily Sun and The Boyne Berries literary journal. In August 2014, she won the ONE LOVELY BLOG award for her (lovely!) horror film review blog. She is addicted to buying books and has been known to bring home rain-washed tomes she finds on the street and give them a home.
She is the proud possessor of a pair of unfeasibly large bosoms. They have given her- and the people around her- infinite pleasure over the years. She adores the horror genre in all its forms and will swap you anything you like for Hammer Horror or JAWS memorabilia. She would also be a great person to chat to about the differences between the Director’s Cut and the Theatrical Cut of The Wicker Man. You can contact her at:
1) ‘… BY A WOMAN WALKING HER DOG…’
2) A WRITER’S JOURNEY
3) ANNA MEETS COUNT DRACULA
4) ANOTHER FIFTY REALLY RANDOM HORROR FILM REVIEWS TO DIE FOR…
5) CANCER BALLS
6) CATCH OF THE DAY
7) FIFTY FILTHY-DIRTY SEX-POEMS YOU MUST READ BEFORE I DIE.
8) FIFTY REALLY RANDOM HORROR FILM REVIEWS TO DIE FOR…
9) THE DEVIANTS
10) VISITING DAY