ByJoshua Stephen Simpkins, writer at Creators.co
Joshua Stephen Simpkins

Now you might call me a dreamer, but I have the feeling I'm not the only one. Undertaking a mission that you may never come back from is one thing, but seducing Jennifer Walters into a meaningful relationship...well brother lets hope what does come back isn't a dismembered mess. She-Hulk is still a woman after all, and I am a man. Both of use creatures of desire and sensation. However having an ace up my sleeve in the form of three abilities I can draw from to assist in my endeavors could possibly keep all my appendages attached.

What are these special abilities you ask. Well, if you promise not to spill the beans to the Jade Giantess I'll give you the low down. No I don't possess the savoir-fare or the money of a Stark. I wasn't born with the chiseled good looks or the lineage of Thor. And I wasn't blessed with Reed Richards' big brain or elasticity. What I do have is a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over many a very long night at Munden's Bar. Skills such as buying the hot girl's ugly BFF a drink to make the hot girl jelly. Just kidding true believer. I'm the real deal with real otherworldly skill. So without any further ado, here are my special skills in no particular order.

1. TELEPATHY Ala CHARLES XAVIER

I really didn't need to know that.
I really didn't need to know that.

I know, I know. Cheater! Dastardly deeds afoot. Have I no shame. No I don't, so just chill and hear me out. Just ask Sookie Stackhouse. Sometimes being able to read a persons mind can be a very helpful ability. Plus I wouldn't use it on She-Hulk all the time, just at first. Find out her flower preference, best-loved poet, where she loves to dine. That sort of thing. Knowing all of these little tidbits will help me to avoid the dreaded cold approach. If I can saunter up to her with a bouquet of daffodils in my hands, a line or two of Chaucer on my lips and a reservation for two at the Silver Lotus all the better for me and my mission. Plus if my mission goes south in a hurry it wouldn't hurt to be able to tell if Jen was fixing to tear my head off before the deed was done,

2. BULLETPROOF SKIN Ala LUKE CAGE

Hey man! Nice shot!
Hey man! Nice shot!

Having thick skin is one thing, but having bulletproof skin...now that's what I'm talking about brother. Knowingly, aggressively pursuing the affections of an established super-figure such as She-Hulk, you've got to expect the odd life-threatening altercation now and again. I might find myself having to watch her six. (Which I would do anytime. I mean have you seen her caboose--yow-za!) Being bulletproof would definitely come in handy in any tight situations we might find ourselves caught in. Having her back will show Jen I care about her. Plus if I do anything to make Jen want to claw my eyes out, having bulletproof skin could mean the difference between coming out looking like Nick Fury or like Matt Murdock.

3. TELEPORTATION Ala NIGHTCRAWLER

Now you see me, now you don't.
Now you see me, now you don't.

This ability is more my exit strategy then anything else. If wining and dining, and busting baddies together doesn't lead to She-Hulk's boudoir I may have to employ a more aggressive strategy. If this results in a rage or if she finds out I used my telepathy on her I may need to make a quick getaway. This may seem like cowardice to some, but with her abilities--not to mention cousin Bruce on speed-dial--living to fight another day is the only part of valor I need concern myself.

Or am I just a bastard.

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