ByStabford Deathrage, writer at Creators.co
Read hundreds of reviews of some of the worst films of all time at my blog. Sometimes a good film sneaks in, but I try not to make a habit o
Stabford Deathrage

I'm very disappointed in Patch Town. Although well-shot, well-acted, and featuring good art direction, I believed it to be a horror film. It is not.

It's a musical.

It's a fantasy musical about a mystical Eastern Bloc American city where gooey infants are born in a cabbage patch and turned into dolls. One of these dolls grows up, and searches for his mother.

Yeah, I know, that doesn't seem to make a lot of sense. But the kicker is the singing. Everybody sings, and I just can't handle it. I've never understood musicals, and I don't want to. If I wanted to see actors inexplicably burst into song, I'd watch a music video.

OK, I'll have you know I'll go to great lengths for comedy, and I watched every second of that video, and it nearly killed me. I deserve a medal of some sort.

Anyway, Patch Town starts pretty interestingly, where workers saw cabbages open with scalpels and pull drippy infants out of them, umbilical cords and all, but that's tossed aside for a character's search for the little girl who abandoned him when he was a doll. There's a few moments of absurd comedy from a henchman and a truck driver, but overall Patch Town is a musical letdown. If you're scared of musicals, avoid Patch Town.

Here's a remarkably song-free trailer:

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