I was pacing the room. I felt nervous, slightly agitated, and could not sit still at the moment. What was I thinking? Why did I come at all?
“Will you calm yourself?” Tyr said from where he was sitting. He looked calm, collected and comfortable. I just wanted to kick him. He was so relaxed, as if the great burden he carried was nothing to him.
“How can I be calm?” I thought about Noelle’s face when she had seen me. She was angry. Of course she was. “She hates me. I know it.”
“She does not hate you. If I know my daughter, I know that she will forgive you.” Tyr smiled sympathetically.
“How would you know her? You’ve barely been around her since she was a child!” I snapped. I watched a pained expression reach my mentor’s face, and felt a little guilt. ‘Another person I have to apologise to. The list is getting quite long’. “I need to see her, to explain to her.” I could barely comprehend everything that was going on, and I had been living with this for some time.
“And you will. In due time.” Tyr reassured him. The door soon opened and both of our heads turned, hoping it was the one woman we had come to talk to. I was disappointed to see Thor standing in the door instead.
“When can we speak with her?” I asked impatiently.
“When she has woken from some much needed sleep and wants to speak to you.” Thor said sharply. He wasn’t happy with us. I smiled bitterly. Nothing had changed. Thor was still annoyed with me and I was still getting in the way. “How is it that you are alive? Why have you been hiding from us?” This question was directed to me, along with a scowl.
I went to answer, but was interrupted by Tyr. “We will answer all questions in due time. When my daughter is present.”
“And what if she does not want to hear what you have to say? I am the king here, and I will decide when you will speak.”
“It would be better if we could explain things only once.” Tyr reasoned. Thor sighed, obviously annoyed.
“I am tired of all these games and deceits. I simply wish to know why a dead man is standing in my kingdom, and who murdered my father.”
“We have answers to that as well.” Tyr said, gaining a sharp look from Thor.
“Why is it that you have decided to reveal all this now? Why not come forward earlier?”
“Because it was not time yet. I’m following a strict time schedule here.” He grinned, and I couldn’t help but grin back. Inside jokes could be so much fun.
“I’ve had rooms prepared for you. You will be summoned when Noelle is fit to see you. Above all, I must care for her health. Loki has already caused her much grief and despair. I will not have her go through this a third time with you.” Thor directed this comment to me. Guilt bloomed in my chest. He was right. He was absolutely right. I had lied to my only love, broken her heart multiple times. I have constantly asked for her understanding and patience and pushed her farther than I should have. I was, in a nutshell, the absolute worst being to be romantically involved with.
I left Thor and Tyr to return to my chambers. He suggested I avoid guards and asgardians alike, in case someone recognised me and decided alerted half the kingdom of my resurrection.
Thor had prepared my old ones, and upon entering them I was nearly taken aback from what I saw. Nearly everything was the same. Nothing had changed. The room had been cleaned and dusted, but all my books, papers and quills were in the exact same place I had left them.
‘Everything has changed, yet everything is still the same.’ I thought, deciding to change into my old attire and perhaps sleep, if I could find the peace to sleep.
Slipping off my cloak and soft tunic, I looked up in the mirror to spot the angry red scar in my chest. I briefly remembered how it got there: Kurse thrusting the blade into my chest. I passed my hand over the wound gingerly. It still stung, but Tyr said it was more of a mental pain, something I imagined to be there. My eyes moved to my face, taking in the tired eyes and gaunt expression.
Shaking my head, I slipped on my leathers and immediately felt better. It was nice to wear something familiar again. I walked around the room, running my fingers along the soft bedsheets, drumming them along the smooth wood of my desk. I picked up a book, gently flipping through the pages. It had been so long since I had picked up a book.
I then proceeded to lay on my bed and attempt sleep. Crossing my arms underneath my head, I stared at the blank ceiling, willing sleep to come. But my mind was too active, remembering the past and fearing for the future. I was preoccupied with the knowledge I now carried and was about to pass on to the woman I loved, who was so close yet so far away from me.
Any sleep I got was fitful and disturbed with nightmares. It was short and left me feeling worse than before. It made no difference how soft the bed was, or how much I wanted to sleep. Groa usually had to use a sleeping draught or I waited until I collapsed from exhaustion.
After laying down for some time, a soft knock on the door caught my attention. I rolled my eyes and huffed. What did Thor want now? I closed my eyes, hoping he would go away. I was in no mood to speak to him.
“I know you’re in there. Open up.” I jumped slightly, my eyes opening wide at hearing the feminine voice on the other side of the door. I was frozen on the spot, my breath caught. ‘This is good. She’s come to see me.’
I slowly got off the bed and tried to calm my beating heart as I grasped the door handle and turned. The beautiful woman came into view and I could not help but admire her. She was still so beautiful and each stretch of time away from her made me appreciate her beauty all the more. Her lovely blue eyes looked into my own, swirling with emotion.
The silence between us stretched while we simply stared at each other. Everything I had planned to say was forgotten. Finally, she gave me an annoyed look. “Are you going to let me in or are we going to stand in the doorway?” I moved aside, letting her whisk past me. I couldn’t help but smile at her. She was adorable when she was this way.
“How are you feeling?” I asked tentatively. Thor seemed concerned over her health, and I wondered how she was coping with all this.
“I didn’t come here to discuss my health.” She snapped. “I came here for answers.”
I sighed. “I think your father would like to explain-”
“Don’t even get me started on him. What is going on? How is he tied into this?” She glared at me.
“Darling, just please be patient. I know this has been hard and confusing for you.” I tried the calm approach. Odin always did the calm approach with Frigga, which seemed to work. I wasn’t so lucky.
“No, you don’t. You have no idea how this has been for me.” She looked like she was trying to be calmer, but she was failing. “This has been a very long ordeal Loki.” She spat out. “I have had to cope with losing you twice. I have had to deal with you leaving me. I had to deal with you murdering people!” I watched as she grew angrier, her calm demeanor gone.
I put my hands up, surrendering. I knew she had a right to be angry. She had every right to be angry with me. “I know.”
She glared at me silently, until realization came to her eyes. “There is something else you need to know. I found your magical signature in Odin’s bedroom.”
My mouth popped open in shock. “Mine?”
“Yes, yours. The entire damned room was wiped clean, but I managed to find yours.” She glanced at me, unsure. “If I’m being honest, I don’t know if you are capable of murdering Odin. Last time you tried to hijack Asgard you got caught, literally. But then again…things change. That’s why we suspected you when you decided to show up.”
A million thoughts raced through my mind, confusing me. ‘Who killed Odin? Did I kill Odin? No, I didn’t, I have been completely influence free and under the watch of Tyr and Groa for months. I couldn’t have killed Odin…so who planted my signature?’
“It wasn’t me. I can have Tyr and Groa vouch for my whereabouts and good behaviour. Noelle, I know it is difficult to take in and believe, but I am a different man than the one you knew. Things have…happened. They have been happening for years, all leading up to something big.”
“That sounds vague.” Her sarcasm bit a little.
“I know, but I can’t explain this to you. I just learned about this myself, and I’m still puzzling it all out in my head.”
“So let’s go find my father and sort this all out.” She turned her back to me, leaving the room. “The sooner we can figure this out, the sooner I can solve Odin’s murder and leave.”
“Leave? Where are you going?”
“Back home.” She was walking so briskly that even I had to catch up with her.
“But you are home?” Where else was home?
“To Earth, Loki.” She didn’t even glance my way when she said that. But I was floored.
“You’re leaving? Permanently?”
“I have no reason to stay.” This time she was quiet.
“What’s wrong with here? Your friends are here, you’re life.”
“Our friends and I aren’t exactly on speaking terms at the moment.” We shared a brief look. We were both on their bad sides now. “And my life isn’t the objects that are here. My life was having you here. Even before we had our souls bound, my life was here with you. But you were gone, and you weren’t coming back. So I moved on.”
“Would you stay if I stayed here?” I asked quietly. We had reached Odin- I mean Thor’s- study, and she moved a hand to the door, thinking of her answer.
“I have no idea.” Before she could explain, the door was yanked open. Tyr and Thor were both waiting for us, and I could see Thor’s slight irritation at us being seen together. I knew he was worried for Noelle, but she wasn’t endangered by my presence. I was fully in control of myself now, and would never hurt her.