ByRose Moore, writer at
Writer, cosplayer and all around nerd. @RoseMooreWrites
Rose Moore

We're at the mid-point of the five day movie challenge, and today it's time to get a little uncomfortable with an awkward family movie.

This could be almost anything, as there are a lot of great films that would be awkward to watch with your grandma or a toddler or two. Try watching Sin City, Basic Instinct or Zombie Strippers on family night, and you'll know what I mean. Of course, the point is that few people would actually pick that kind of film to snuggle up on the couch for a multi-generational movie night, so I decided to discount them. Instead, I was looking for a film that is, on the whole, pretty family-friendly, but that has at least one scene where nobody is going to want to make eye contact.

HouseSitter (1992)

Steve Martin, Goldie Hawn, and the classic trope of the straight-laced business dude and the wild and crazy life-affirming woman. What could go wrong here? If you wanted to watch a completely PG comedy, this would be a good pick.

In this convoluted love-triangle, smitten kitten Newton Davies (Martin) decides to propose to his girlfriend by building her his dream home and wrapping it in a bow (what's wrong with Tiffany's, huh?). She is completely overwhelmed by the gesture, and not in the good way. Leaving him heartbroken, he finds his way to a bar, where he meets the sultry Gwen (Hawn). After pouring his heart out, they end up at her place, and he sneaks out in the morning with a guilty conscience...but not before accidentally leaving her a picture of the house. She decides to go and live in the house, (why not?) inventing an entirely new backstory and masquerading as Newton's new wife.

In great comedic style, rather than simply reporting her to the police, Newton realizes that his new "wife" is making his old girlfriend just a little jealous, and decides to play the situation for all it's worth. Of course, in the end (spoilers!), he realizes that he has actually fallen head over heels for the crazily vibrant Gwen, and they get together in a ridiculously over-the-top final scene.

It's hilarious, it's sweet, and it's Steve Martin doing what he does best. There's even a cute dog and some outdated jokes about nagging wives. Why wouldn't you want to watch this with the family?

Because Awkward Boob-Poking Fireplace Sex

Yup. Partway through the film, when Newton goes to talk to his ex-girlfriend Becky about the whole "my new wife just appeared out of nowhere" issue, we see possibly the most awkward sex scene ever to make it onto the silver screen.

Newton goes from leaning against her (on the floor, looking up at her, which is somehow very weird) and apologizing, to making out with her. This, in itself, is perfectly reasonable, given that they were in a relationship not long ago, and still have feeling for each other. The rest...isn't so reasonable.

After some tension and the first kiss, Newton seems to think that the next step in seduction is to reach out a finger and awkwardly jab at her breasts. This is done painfully slowly, soundtrack free, with no dialogue except for the unrealistically enthusiastic gasps and moans from Becky, who raises the bar for faking excitement during bad foreplay. After nearly a full minute of this, he then kisses her again, and pulls her off her chair to lie over her... in the fireplace. Because what's more romantic than boinking with your head on a pile of firewood?

Becky finally stops this bizarre sexual encounter because as far as she knows, Newton is married (or perhaps that's just a ladylike way of saying "actually, I'd rather not have sex looking up my chimney"). The film goes back to laughing over Gwen and Newton's dialogue and the general hilarity of the situation.

I love this movie, and it's the kind of lighthearted zaniness that would otherwise be perfect for family night. Maybe just fast forward this scene, though, otherwise you'll be spending the longest two minutes of your life listening to porno noises while Steve Martin pokes at a boob with your kids watching next to you.

Apologies for the dubbed clip - I was unable to find the original clip in English.


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