ByAdonis Gonzalez, writer at
Writer, movie lover, third thing. email me at [email protected]! Follow me on Twitter @FanJournalist
Adonis Gonzalez

The Year Is 2014!

It's a lazy Saturday evening, and you're trying to figure out what to do. You could go outside, but it's way too hot and you really don't feel like hanging around your fellow teenage delinquents. You could play a videogame or read a book, but there's no virtual or literary world you really feel like exploring right now—probably because there's just too many for your lazy mind to choose from.

After an hour of laying in your bed, you realize that your decision making skills aren't really up to par for the moment. You just wish somebody, ANYBODY wold decide for you! Then, just as you're about to give up hope and complain to yourself some more, you hear your dad calling you from downstairs.

You groan, and reluctantly get up and walk down the stairs—which for some reason seem longer than usual. You finally make it down the long stairway to find your sisters and your father downstairs in the kitchen. Your dad has a bunch of white/red square shaped objects in his hand. Upon closer inspection, you find that they are Redbox rentals. Your dad hands them to you and asks you to choose which one to watch.

You look at them, trying to decide which one you want to watch. But since your aforementioned decision skills are still not quite working, you just hand them back to your dad and say you'll watch whatever. He shrugs and picks out on case from the five or so Redbox rentals; The Wolf of Wall Street.

Interesting, you think. You haven't heard much about the movie. You know it's essentially a period piece and a true story about some stock broker or something. And you know that it stars Leonardo DiCaprio, and that Martin Scorsese directed it—so already it sounds pretty good. You and your dad are huge DiCaprio/Scorsese fans, so this movie seems like the one for you. Your sisters however, don't know a thing about either of those people, other than the fact that Leo was in Titanic and Martin...exists. Nevertheless, they stay in the room to watch it too.

Your dad grabs the old DVD player (which is actually just your PS3 because who needs a DVD player when you have something that doubles as one?) and pops in the disc. Alright, you're actually excited! You know the movie's rated R, so of course there are going to be some cringe-worthy scenes where you'll have to avoid eye-contact with everyone else in the room, but that's okay. Those scenes are probably really few and far in between.

The player reads the disc, and after a few previews and copyright warning messages, the movie starts...and so does the awkwardness.

The face of infinite awkward.
The face of infinite awkward.

You find yourself unable to even glance at the other people in the room. You think to yourself "It's okay, this is just the first scene of the movie, the rest will tone it down a bit". But NOPE! It keeps going! In fact, it gets worse! If sex and drugs were this movies bread and butter, it would have the worst case of diabetes!

You just sit there in silence, as your dad finally gets up and takes the DVD out, but it's too late. You've already been scarred. Not by the movie, no, you've seen 300 and The Hangover—you can handle a few curse words and no-no parts on screen. What really has you emotionally scarred is the sheer awkwardness of the whole situation. The awkward vibes you and your family have now is thick enough to cut with a knife!

You find yourself grateful that your mother wasn't home to share in the cringiness of it all! You also find yourself curious - deathly curious, like that poor deceased cat - about what the rest of the film is like.

One day, while no one else is around, you decide to watch the rest of the flick. To your surprise, the movie is incredibly good. The dialogue is intriguing, the time period is fascinating, and DiCaprio is Oscar-worthy yet again (but you know he won't get it)! Not to your surprise, the movie is also incredibly vulgar.

You're so, SO glad your dad took the movie out when he did! Because if he hadn't, the awkwardness level would have just increased! Sex, drugs, more sex, more drugs, Jonah Hill's untrained dragon (so to speak)—this movie has it all!

The credits roll, and you find yourself in a weird state, where your emotions are mixed beyond belief. On one hand, you're glad you watched the movie. It was really good, and you'd definitely recommend it. On the other hand, you feel even more awkward, thinking how horrible it would have been had you finished the movie with your family instead of on your own! You also know that you'll have to be careful who you recommend it to. This isn't something you want to show your grandmother!

With that in mind, you decide that from now on you are going to carefully research every movie before you sit down and watch it with the family. So you thank The Wolf of Wall Street. Not only because it was an enjoyable film, but because it taught you a valuable lesson; always know what you're in for before heading in headfirst! It also inadvertently saved you from watching Watership Down with your little brothers. Turns out a cute colony of adorable little rabbits does not a family friendly movie make.

Well, that was Day 3 of My 5 Day Movie Challenge! Apologies for not posting this yesterday, but apparently sandstorms are a thing, and they sure do love to cause blackouts! But don't worry, Day 4's post isn't coming a day late, it's out now! So hurry up people who actually care (you know who you are, mom), click here to read it! It's all about a movie that I can watch over and over again!

Thanks For Reading!

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