Chapter One: The chance meeting
He tossed and turned. He felt the pillow and the and the soft mattress. This was not the first night he had a sleepless night. He decided to get up and pull the blinders opened to see the blinding Sun. He looked at the clock and it stared at him with the time 9 a.m. He decided to go downstairs right after he showered and got dressed for the day. And so he went downstairs for breakfast. He opened the refrigerator to take the milk out so he could eat his cereal. Then he decided to look for the morning paper and also decided to check for mail as well. And so he did, lo and behold, he did check and he did have mail. It was the usual, bills, monthly payments for his loans as such, and they all had his name staring him in the eye; Steven Jones. He decided to book a movie since it was a Saturday and decided to go out early to the cafe nearby.
He stopped by the neighborhood park that was well kept by the municipal paid gardeners that were good at grooming the bushes and all the plants at the park. So he decided to sit for a while with a book that he brought that he bought from the bookstore just across the street. And when he was just about to read it, the sky grew dark and it was going to rain, because he saw a streak of lightning in the sky that followed the rumble of thunder. So, he put up his coat's hood up and decided to run into the cafe that he wanted to go, just as it was about to rain and thus, he did; to Cafe Marlow. He decided to order an espresso to kick start his morning more, and then he sat down at one of the tables and read his book again, keeping in check the time as his movie was at 12.40 p.m. And the time that read to him was only 10.30 a.m. So, he went back to his book, but suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder and a familiar voice calling his name. So he looked over his shoulder and saw his old flame; Samantha Carols.
So, this was the moment he'd dreaded in his heart. But he didn't freak out and instead did the more sensible thing and invited her to sit. And it was because, he wanted to honor the earlier friendship that they had and that he did have feelings for her at one point and so, he decided to just talk to her. So, they did, and they talked about their work and their life since high school because they were friends at that time. They talked for quite some time and they talked about the old times. He decided to invite her to the movie that he was about to watch, but she, said that she couldn't and explained that she was going out with her other friends for lunch, and he nodded he understanding, and asked her if she was coming to the reunion that the high school planned. She nodded and said she was, and he smiled at her and embraced her just before she went. Then, they went their separate ways and that was it, he thought to himself. He sat there, still faced, and still trying to comprehend what had happened looked at the time and it was just 11 a.m.
He remembered all the memories, and all the things since high school, and college, and the job he got after college; while in university. He remembered why since then he had all the pain and misery from, all the sleepless nights that he had since the experience that he went through. From all the times that he had to went through to forget about her.
Chapter Two: The questions
The movie ran long. It droned on, that he forgot the plot, and at the end of it, he couldn't care less. All that was on his mind was the meeting with his old love, his old heart throb, though it didn't make any sense, he knew that the meeting was one of the signs that his past was revisiting him. And so he decided to call his friends Kevin, Vincent and Adam, his old high school friends. They decided to meet for dinner. And it started off normally after a half hour of catching up, Steven decided to bring up the meeting. His friends groaned, they told him off; that he already knew where this was going and he should just leave it alone, and that the meeting was just a pure coincidence, a one off thing. They reminded him off the old days, the carefree days but also connected them to her. He nodded his head in understanding but countered their arguments by saying that, he should try to mend their friendship, but they all shook their head and accused him of not listening to him and equating him to a fictional character that has the same but quite different story.
And then they went on to question him about why he still loves her and why can't he let the past be the past and bringing things up like this only hurts him more than it should. They were all right, he thought to himself, they knew him so well, they were his best friends, but he knew that the decision came down to him. He thanked them all and paid the bill as he was treating them and then they went their separate ways not before they said the stereotypical "we must do this again", and then they left. When he stepped into the car, an old familiar song played, one close to his heart. His eyes teared up, and memories started flowing back to him.
He decided to make an appointment a psychologist, that he saw in the advertisements, and the psychologist's credentials were outstanding, his name ; Dr. Jim Bordaux. The secretary set the time for the next day , "1430 hours, tomorrow", she said, and he agreed. And so the rest of the evening the whole day's event's ate at him, from the moment he awoke from that dream, he paused, that dream, it was a sign, he thought to himself, a sign that all the old would invade the present.
He tried to get his mind off it. But he couldn't. He decided to visit his childhood home, or what was his making. He went inside, he still had the keys, when he crossed the threshold, all his demons attacked him by memory. He flinched. He touched the old grime stone walls of his hallway/stairway's wall, he felt the sleek marble floors all dusty and cracked from the searing heats of a thousand days. He saw an old family portrait covered by a sheet. And he remembered, he was supposed to inherit this house, but chose to abandon it. Why didn't he sell it? He asked himself, but couldn't find the answers in his haunted memories, exemplified in the old building. He went downstairs, felt the wooden staircase, felt the wall, dry paint, and chipping from the water seeping into it from the rains. He saw the old curtains, the old art pieces that hung up on the wall. He saw the old living room, and the shape it was in. He decided to try the lights. It partially worked. "It's on generator I guess", he thought aloud.
He then proceeded to look around more, and came across his old desk. And on his old shelf lie an envelope, a letter addressed to him, he recognized the handwriting, it was his, when he was younger. He remembered, his teacher had asked him to write a letter to his future self. He didn't know it would take this long for him to open it. He opened it and read it, and a sad remembrance all came back to him.
Chapter Three: Letters from the past
"Dear Steve ", he wrote, " if you're reading this it means that you have come back to the old place, it means that something happened to you on that day. It means that you want to remember. Trust me you don't. I hope that you've achieved what I, we, wrote in the previous letter, you know the usual, success, car, a love life, I hope, or at least a good social life. If you're here because of her, and if you know who I'm referencing, I am saddened and disappointed. I thought we promised to move on. I thought we would never come back. But if you don't, kudos, we don't need her anymore. Remember why we strive, remember why we wanted out of this place. And if that means sifting through the past go ahead, but let me warn you, you're not going to like it. I hope that in the future, technology finds a way to have like some memory erasing tech, or like some machine to go back in time so we can talk. Like have a cup of tea together or some shit like that. But man, just do what you have to do, you, we, know what's right. Love, Steve". It ended there.
"It can't end there!", he shouted and the shout boomed back to him. "Where's the previous letter?" He asked himself and sifted through the old unused books and the dust bunnies collected in the shelf. And then in the cupboard he opened all the books fell out. His old story books. And one letter addressed to him, by his handwriting again and read it.
"Dear Steve, so hi, I know I'm not good at writing letters I guess. Umm, I hope you have like a car, like graduated, job, et cetera . Love life, eh, if you have it good for you, if you don't hey you could always be asexual, love yourself no harm in that. If you're married and thinking of kids, maybe, I mean do you really want to brats. But seriously bro, if you finally accept that since you found that you could love someone and you weren't actually a robot and someone else could love you as well then, you have my all green bro. I hope you're over her. And I know you know her name, if not then good, but for the record, her name is Samantha Carols, that bitch broke your heart. I know she was you're best friend and all, and knew her from primary school and regretted not telling her before she found her asshole boyfriend, that douche bag of a so-called friend, but no, you shouldn't feel offended. I'm pissed, still pissed because he knew, he broke the bro code, he, I will never forgive. But yeah that's the recap. Um, yeah, it's been two years, and it's really close to it being three, and I know you know that because we kept track, but not months which is good, which means also that it was just a crush.
Anyway, if you're here like on a vacay, oh yeah, get a vacay, then why the fuck are you here?? For vacay? Seriously, you should be in Miami man, or like Hawaii, get some bitches there, or like Europe or some shit. Not here. But if you're still living in this GODDAMMED country, yeah I said it, come arrest me motherfuckers, be the fucking Hitlers you are!!, but seriously man, get the fuck out. Before you die here man, jeez. Anyways, if you get a chance man, like come talk to me I got so many questions for you. I know science has surely found a way for time travel, if not, find another country that has it. I'm sure like either China or the States has it... Oh by the way who is the new super power of the world or did that die out because finally we have evil asshole who like to do good?. Yup, those and more I have for you bro, so, come back and we'll talk more. Ciao. Love Steve."
He was shocked, he looked back at it. Why so much aggression towards the country?, why the hate for his family? Why did he oppose kids? Who was he?. How could he forget? Only one explanation remained, he decided to go back to his new house, after gaining this new information he took the two letters with him as well, bid his old house and life goodbye into his new one, but how come the old one was resurfacing and why only the love for Samantha remained? So many questions so little time. He looked at his watch it was 1 in the morning. He decided to leave his investigation till the morning. And for the first time in a long time he had a good night's sleep.
Chapter Four: Fragments of the memories
Time passed. But in his bed, dreams filled his head.
Nightmares and dreams. Then suddenly,blankness and then the figure. The figure of her. Bright and shining out from the depth of that blinding light. He slept, but in his mind he became real. He became virtual with his dream. He approached her, and he was 17 again. Time had passed in his dream state too, he felt something in his heart. A feeling long did he forget about. A feeling of overwhelming sadness. He was speaking to her he knew it he was uttering something to her, and he saw in his head, the gears spinning three times fast and his heart beat? It was at a ten fold. He knew he couldn't delay it anymore and he knew he couldn't make it any better. He confessed to her, the three little words escaped him and after he did he wanted to make a run for it but decided to man up and face the rejection like a normal person would. He knew that this was something he needed to do an experience he needed to go through to mature; to grow.
But something jolted him up, the events that continued on from there. It was scary to see himself that way. He didn't like it. His persona had changed, his personality and what he had promised himself broken. He saw himself shatter the mirror of himself grieving with a river of tears coming from him. He sought to fight back he sought sanctuary. He finally got it. After so long, he had done it. So what made him go back? What made him want to reconnect. Obviously it was her. It was always her. He wished it didn't have to be that way. He remembered Adam calling him asking for his help, he had been evicted from his own home and with nowhere to go Steven tried his best to help his best friend and he did. And so they talked about her as well and Adam decided to talk to her for him and Samantha had indicated to Adam that she might be in love with Steven but Steven brushed it off because he knew it was time for him to move on and let her go but after a few days of speaking to her again via WhatsApp and Skype, even meeting up twice once with friends and the other time by themselves, he saw a whole new light to this. It was exciting,frightening and confusing all at the same time. Steven remembered that was the first time somebody hugged him. And it was comforting. He felt he was about to cry but he was more confused and so he left.
In his mother's car he had wondered why this was suddenly happening and that was this truly something that was happening to him. He was sure there was something going on, but he let it slide. But he was always there for her. Sometimes perhaps even trying to be too helpful if that was even possible and she pushed him away. That should have been something that warned him. But he carried on till one day, she told him that she knew he still had feelings for her and he tried to stay politically correct with her and try to do everything he can to make it seem as neutral as possible.This also should have warned him that something bigger was about to happen. Now he already knew that she was going to go to England in a few more days and he was fine about that but what we wasn't fine with was the fact that she was also close to another guy named Nathaniel who also confessed to her and was turned down and even though he tried to be cool with that the last straw was when she had told him she was playing chess with her brother because her brother had just joined the chess club and a few moments after that she said that Nathaniel had invited her to play with her. And he couldn't accept it as flashes of memories ran down his mind about the times he wanted to teach her how to play.
He finally awakened with cold sweat running down his face. The sudden rush and flow of his past memories had made him wonder what was it that he did to push them back or store it so far back that he couldn't access it until now.
Chapter Five: Doctor's appointment
He sat on the edge of his bed, dumbfounded. He looked at his clock and it stared back at him.The time was 10 in the morning. He decided to freshen up after that ordeal. But even after doing so, he still could feel the cold beads of sweat on his face. He had wondered why the memories caught up to him at this point of time and he struggled to understand the motif of what he did to forget and why.
He wished his session with his therapist was a little earlier. He thought to himself, the reason of the appointment being a bit after lunch time and he realized that the morning session would be a little inappropriate and that he wanted some time to think it over himself. And so, he did. He sat down eating his bowl of cereals and thought about his dream, and how it was linked to her. "Why was she the memory trigger?", he thought to himself. He sat down and decided to watch a little television but anything he did he could not distract himself from the fact the memory trigger was a girl he had met a few days ago but definitely had a place in his past and his life.
He pondered about this present. Imagining the life he had left in order for this new one. Thinking about what he had sacrificed. He thought about Samantha and the peculiarities of the occurrences that had happened to him recently and how he did not remember much. He wished time would move faster and that he didn't realize how much it would hurt him to think about this.
"Time", he thought to himself, "time", he went on. It made a bit of sense now, time was the reason, well, at least one of the reasons. He wished he knew more, and before he knew it it was 12. He thought he should leave and went to go to his doctor's place. It was a mile away and on the way, the thought of it nagged at him. The past. He always knew that the past would shape him but he didn't really remember his past. Did that also mean that he didn't know of himself?, he had questioned himself. He finally reached his doctor's place. He had only taken 15 minutes and his clock ticked as if beckoning him to get it over with. He left his car, locked it and went inside. He met the receptionist and told her about the appointment he had made the day before. The receptionist nodded and told him to go into the room on the right.
He went inside and sat on the chair. His doctor greeted him, and he, his doctor. "Hello Jim", he said. His doctor replied with "So, how are we today, Steven?". He went on to tell his doctor what had happened and how he could only remember fragments of his memories and that he did not question his past until the day he met her again. Dr. Jim chuckled and nodded he knew what this was about. Dr Jim got up and went to look through the drawer of his desk. Dr Jim took the letter from the drawer and gave it to him. Steven took it and he saw that it was addressed to him. He quizzed Dr. Jim about the letter. Dr. Jim looked up with a grim stoic face and began to explain.
Chapter Six: Uncovering of Old Wounds
"It all began a few months ago, you began seeing me and telling me that you had enough of the confused feelings you had from your past which all turned from a simple rejection of a girl that you had loved", he said. Steven nodded, and ushered Dr. Jim to go on. " You told me you were working on something. Something that could help you forget, forget about the past and all the bad things that made you feel this way. I advised you not to do it for I knew what you were about to do and that it wasn't for the best. You were adamant about it and you had told me that you already made plans. You also knew that someday you might have a memory lapse as you had known that the Future Technology Institutions would input a memory trigger for you just in case, as it was a safety precaution". Steven nodded in understanding and began to spoke "So, I chose the memory trigger?"
"I think so.." Dr. Jim replied. Steven scratched his head and had clasped his hands around his face in shock. He asked Dr. Jim why he had done it, what made him do it. Dr. Jim said that from the sessions that they had Steven always spoke of his past and that he wanted to change that.
Steven shook his head. He asked his doctor if it was normal for something like this to happen. The good doctor patiently replied that he was a case that he had never seen before, sure patients felt the need to get things off their chest but he was a special case he understood what the doctor was going to say as if he already knew something about his psyche and that really he just wanted someone that would listen. Not someone who would analyze his feelings and try to force him to make a decision that he didn't know too well himself. Steven stood up, thanked his doctor and began to leave. The doctor called out to him and said that it was good to see him again and that he should be careful of what he was about to do next. Steven nodded in understanding.
Chapter Seven: The Truth
He hailed a cab. He showed the cab where he wanted to go, Future Industries. And there he sat. But in his seat, he couldn't help but to feel this was familiar. The thunder sure did help, and the fragments came back to him again, but this time instead of it being vivid it was foggy, and it was just him looking out the window with the rain pouring down on his window. And then he came back from it but this time, he felt a slight tinge in his head, like a migraine of sorts. He grumbled in pain and wondered what it was, but didn't care about it and carried on, as the cab stopped and he paid the cab driver the fare. He stood on the edge of the enormous site of Future Industries, and so many things felt familiar.
He stepped into that air conditioned lobby and suddenly a tune was playing, a tune so familiar yet he couldn't put his finger on it, he thought on it and wondered what it was.
It seemed like things were spinning around him, his head curiously turning around as well. And all of a sudden, when he thought he got it, he passed out. He fell on the ground,with his eyes rolling back to his head until you could only see the whites of the eyeballs, but it seemed like time slowed down . It seemed like forever till he hit the ground with a thump and there was blood.
Just like that there was mass panic, suddenly the music stopped and the vinyl scratched, and everyone rushed to him. A man and a woman frantically trying to keep him conscious. And then, somebody, a doctor of sorts, rushing him to the medical room, and an operation waiting for him. After that he heard, the director;Jason, as the doctor called him and told him everything that happened and then when he spoke, Steven couldn't understand him, as he was fading out again, but caught the words, "take it out and fix it".
He woke up the next day. Jason the director came about again to check on him and this time Jason tried to speak calmly to him. "Hell of a night huh, Steven?", Jason said, Steven was taken aback. "How does he know my name?", he thought to himself and proceeded to ask Jason the same question. Jason chuckled, he took out a pack of cigarettes, and asked Steven would like one. Steven shook his head timidly with a frown on his face and disgust as he protested smoking and was always against smoking, especially the harmful effects of second hand smoke, but didn't say it out loud as he was still expecting an answer. Jason lit his cigarette then continued on, "Well, you don't remember me of course, how could you? It was a security design done by my father, James", he said." But you, you Mr. Steven are very special to this company", he continued.
"But why?", Steven replied. And Jason began to explain it to him, all of it. Jason had told him that he was a part of the company early on and he was an angel investor taking a very keen interest in the activities of the company, and he and James' father made an unbreakable friendship. As soon as they were good friends Steven had confided in James' father something Steven only confided to his close friends and his therapist. What was it? Well it was Steven's story and it was something that James was swore to secrecy by Steven and Jason stopped there.
Steven continued by saying that he needed to know that he needed to remember and that there was nothing that Jason could do to stop him. Jason nodded in understanding while puffing some smoke. And ushered Steven to another room and Steven followed. But as he stepped on the cold floor he felt like there were pins and needles on his foot. And he wondered what happened to his shoes but was too eager to find out what happened to him and he wanted answers fast.
Jason stopped at a room and asked if Steven really wanted to know because, as Jason was told by his father that if Steven came back and pushed to know about his own history and everything that happened, to not give into his incessant needs because it was Steven's own orders. Steven stepped back and wondered on it. He thought about it. And he realize he'd come to the biggest crossroads that he knew, well, or at least he remembered. He took some time, and Jason recognized that he needed time to think about it on his own. So Jason gave him the key and said, "only open the door when you are ready". And Jason walked away.
Steven shouted after him, "will this open Pandora's box?", Jason shrugged, but said that he knew he'd ask that and said that the Pandora's box is only his own inhibitions and everything he fought so hard to put away. Jason continued to explain, "you see, you helped my father build this machine, it could keep memories stored away, it took it out of your mind and uploaded it into it's system, you helped him perfect it, you helped him use it on yourself and you asked him to keep it top secret and only between the two of you and him, he asked you of course if he could keep it in the family since he knew he wouldn't live long enough as he suffered from cancer. So you agreed".
" But you also mentioned to him that this would help a healthy person like yourself to live a little longer since reducing memories meant reducing the amount of stress and time spent on it", Jason continued.
Steven nodded, and thanked Jason for his time and his help. Then Jason left. And Steven was caught in a staring match with the door, wondering if he should open the door. Whether his own hard work was meant for him in the best of the intentions? And whether or not it would really give him what he wanted, because all he wanted were just answers.
He decided to open it.
Chapter Eight: Pandora's Box
When he opened it, a big machine, a computer. And he sat in the chair. He felt the memories coming back a little. He accessed the computer and it needed a password, and a thumbprint. He looked everywhere for some clue to the password, and he found another letter.
In it he saw that it was his own writing and it warned him of all the dangers that were going to happen if he did log into the computer and find what he was looking for. He tried to access the computer himself using passwords he only knew then, but it seemed to be futile until he looked at the writing again. And he decided to read until the end of it. And it said " but if you really do want to open Pandora's box, look inside and you'll find the answer". He was baffled. "Look inside?... Look inside where?", he thought to himself.
He rummaged through the drawers and he rummaged through the cupboards nothing. He tried a few times entering his name, entering his confidant's name and everything he could think of. Until, he thought hard, and for a brief moment he got it. The name that started it all. This obsession to find what's plaguing him. Her. He put in her name, it didn't work. He scratched his head and was going to give up. But then, he continued to let it set, "look inside" the words haunted him. And then he got it, look inside the letter. He took the letter checked back and fourth. And then when it was under the ultraviolet lamp that was on, it was lit. The words. The password. Just one word. Four letters. "Past" it read.
He entered it in. Suddenly the computer flooded with information, and he decided to hook the headset that was on the board, and connect the wires to his brain. With the computer still running, he felt a jolt. A shock. The computer started to overwork and he became unconscious absorbing back all the memories, flooding his brain, his mind. Unlocking the bridge between the subconscious and the conscious. Allowing the dreams to be more vivid. But they were no longer dreams. It was a memory. Finally something coherent. Something solid. Something he yearned to see. And yet he knew that his curiosity would be something he regretted sooner rather then later.
In the memory, he was sitting down. He was so young. So innocent. He dreamt of a future so bright. Yet he was so dark. He went to school, yet he knew more outside education. He made friends, yet he knew they would never be by his side forever. And yet, came the high school years, the years he came to love so much and have so much nostalgia from it even though, it was something he despised so much because of the teachers and the doctrines of his country force feeding them propaganda and nothing more, but stuff he already knew wasn't right, yet he took it anyway. Then he met her.
There she was, as young as he. Then a smile came across her face as she saw him, he smiled back. Then he knew, he had felt something. They had met before, in elementary school. They were friends but never close. So in the hopes of burying the past, he befriended her. They talked and he always wanted to know something about her. And there it was, even though he denied it, even though he didn't want to admit it himself. And that was something he would regret not coming to terms with and gathering the courage to tell her.
For he knew he had fallen in love with her. He found himself seeking her, for trivial little things, asked her for her help, and tried to make her laugh. But at the same time he wanted to play it cool so he was also spending time with his friends and he even invited her to play games with them in class, she participated here and there, but when she did, he knew his gaze would always be on her. He didn't want to tell her, he didn't want to feel the rejection, but he knew in some way, at a point he had to.
One day he was chatting with her via Facebook just his normal friendly stuff, but then cringed when she asked him to confide in her the one he had fallen in love with. There was his chance. He saw his own self, a sparkle in his eye, a twinkle. And yet, self doubt. He went back and forth whether or not to tell her. But his fears took over and he decided to say that he'd rather not. But a few times she insisted, "perhaps", he heard himself think.
"Perhaps she likes me too"
"What if she doesn't?", he heard his guilty conscious reply, and there a debate came about. And in the end, he conceded, acknowledging that the pain of not getting a yes, and losing her as a friend was not something he was looking forward to. "But" he said to himself, "but if I still feel the same way by the end of the year, I will tell her", what fool he. For he didn't know that fate was a cruel thing and it was out to get him. For whatever reason he didn't know, nor will he ever find out.
Suddenly there was another guy, suddenly it all clicked and suddenly he lost her. He knew that guy too and only had one name in mind for him; asshole. He hated that guy; Harvey, so suave yet he knew what Harvey really was, a manipulative little asshole. And that's what Harvey was to her. And he hated Harvey with every fiber of his being. And the hate grew,yet he didn't know. He hated seeing Harvey treat her in a bad way. He hated seeing Harvey make her cry, and he cringed when he saw her cry. It was the first time he'd seen someone cry openly.
And he never got to tell her, until his senior year of his high school where he had confided to his best friends, Kevin and Adam, and they told him that he needed to tell her. To close the door on it. And to be able to find closure and move on with his life. So he did, and the rest was all a spiral downhill. His class photos that he was forced to take, it looked like he was really mad, and deep down he knew he was, and he was sad too, and he was worried about his future. She came to him and he had told her he wanted to talk to her about something, but not during class, after class, so she agreed. But he kept avoiding it. Until one day, where she called him. Here was his chance. Should he tell her?
He didn't. He had told her that he thought it would be better when they met face to face again.
Chapter Nine: The confession
Finally they did. But before he told her, he said this
"Look, Samantha, before I tell you this, I hope we can still be friends and if we can't I'll understand, it's just something I need to say because I've kept it in and I always wanted to tell you and it was too hard for me because i never wanted to lose you as a friend and hopefully, I won't, but I think that's too wishful of a thought"
"Samantha", he continued, "I like you". His mind raced. Why did he change adjectives, he had thought to himself, and his heart doubled in leaps.
"Can I say something now?", she asked.
"Look Steven, you're a great guy, but you know I have a boyfriend, so this is a pretty stupid move to make" she continued.
He tried to intervene by saying he knew that and he didn't want anything different from her but their friendship to stay in tact and that he just thought she should know. But she didn't let him talk and she still continued,
"Listen, I think that it's great that you told me, and I'm really flattered, but maybe you should move on and go on with your studies and your life", she finished off. And she also explained that Nathaniel also confessed to her so, she didn't really know why was this.
He nodded. Then he walked away hating himself. He felt crushed. He felt like he went to the moon and he crashed down. He felt like going home and scream at the top of his lungs and just cry. But he never cried he thought to himself, at least not when he was from he was younger. And yet he knew he had to. He had burnt out. The next few classes of the last few days of school he was just spacing out. He didn't really want to talk to his friends, and he didn't want to talk to her either. And he couldn't put aside the fact that she technically compared him to Nathaniel.
But then one day, his friend told him that she needed help with some Maths, and he being the good guy that he was and thinking that he should keep to his words and try being friends with her, he tried to explain it to her. But every word he knew would be gritted with some hate and anger. And yet he was still able to help her out for awhile. But he couldn't do it and said that he was unsure and although he was partly telling the truth, it still didn't matter. Because all he felt was guilt, like he had done something wrong, like expressing his emotions and his feeling were wrong. He felt from then on, it spiraled worse and worse, he managed to do well for his finals, but knew he could have done it a little better. But yet knew that was going to be the end result anyway.
Something changed in him and he knew it. Yet he couldn't put his finger on it himself and started to fret and to worry about what was happening to him. Well what was happening to him was a whole load of anger boiling up in his soul. So just like any fresh high school graduate, he decided to work and tried to get her off of his mind, and yet he couldn't so he asked Adam for some help. Adam did and Adam helped him out by giving Adam's account because Adam knew about Samantha blocking him on Facebook. So he used Adam's account to chat with her and to convince her to talk to him again. So he finally managed to persuade her, and yet he needed to make another account for she had said that she tried making one yet didn't get to.
So he did, and what fool he. So he talked to her for awhile and then they fell out and then he thought about what they had talked about and most of it was him venting his anger out and her, just countering everything and then, they stopped talking to her for awhile. Obviously, he knew that he still missed her and he still wanted to talk to her and even in college he could not move on properly. So he decided to confide to a friend;Young and Young helped him to get her contact number for him and so he really had Young to thank for and he managed to talk to her again.
He started texting her and managed to talk to her for awhile but then again, he could feel that she was never invested in the friendship he was so desperately trying to patch but of course, he initially really wanted to chase after her but after he told her he still felt something for her and couldn't do the friendship unless he had some time alone thinking by himself and so he did but he always knew he would return to talking to her once more.
Chapter 10: The Call.
After a few days of coming to terms of never talking to her again and trying to come to terms to the fact that he'll be alone gain and for the first time since graduation he felt at peace.
But then again, he could feel like there was always going to be something there that he wanted to explore and see for himself. Just as he was thinking about the old days and what happened, a call came for him. It was a number he didn't recognize and so he was deciding whether or not to take the call. But since he thought that it might be an old friend who changed their number, he finally decided to take it.
It was his old friend, Adam whom was kicked out of his house. So Steven decides to help Adam out. And they talk about the past, and he talks to Adam about what happened and Adam suggests that he talk to Samantha again, and this time try the friendship thing all together. So he does and this time with Adam's help, he does get a little further then he did last time, but then suddenly Samantha confronts him about his feelings for her, and he admits it, but he tells her he understands that it needs to take time. But then during that time, he never really felt like she was into him as well, especially since they did go out twice but the first was really more of a friend outing and the second, it was pretty personal and he tried to do some of the things someone who was willing to work for the relationship do.
But he could see that she was not invested in him and could see that she spent most of her time on the phone and it all clicked, like she had her heart on someone else and knew that he could never win her. So in the end he gave up. This time for real, and even though he knew it never ended well, it was always something he knew he wanted to try for real and he thought that he worked really hard but in the end, sometimes, hard work isn't enough.
And there he was in the dark and everything suddenly pulling back. It was dark, suddenly he sees his dreams all at the side, and they were moving in an incoherent way and did not have any sense to it, most of the time, and when he was reaching the end he realized that her heart was never his to win and also that his dreams would be ones he wouldn't dream so often anymore. And everyday since then he'd spent the time to forget about her and to finally be able to let her go. He wished it was simpler, he wished that all of those things never happened.
And there he was just sitting in the darkness. Forever.
Chapter Eleven: The Darkness.
He spent his time in the darkness, he tries to get out of it several times and is unable too. And yet he could not, hence, he embraced it. But still he felt like he could do something about it. But just when he gets towards the newer memories, suddenly, it becomes very blurry, and it becomes sketchy. And thus, the he has an idea of something, he can't make it out. And just like that his personality split.
The split personality suddenly becomes his clone and he realizes that this is no longer his memory realm but instead something from his subconscious. Suddenly, his clone speaks;
"Steven, the memory overload has made you become severely unconscious. Right now, you're being rushed to the nearest hospital and if you spend more time in the memory realm, not only will that world crumble, but you will have a brain hemorrhage and because of the electronics, you can add the possibility of increased tumor, there's the door", the clone says.
And a door appears.
"But quickly, the door only lasts for a few minutes so you must decide now!",the clone continues.
Steven looked at the door and then he looked at the memory realm and so the people still moving but in slower motions. So there he was stuck with the dilemma. And perpetually wonders what to do. And so the door disappears, and the memory realm disappears. So the clone whom Steven catches a glimpse of at the end only has this to say;
"Obsession and curiosity are sometimes, one and the same, we look for things that we wished not to see again. Why? Because, memory is what makes us. But then if we become obsessed with the memory and curios to find out what happened, then we become stuck, forever. Forever in between", the clone says while fading away.
And that was it. The clone fades. And yet only a little light shines through because of that. But also he feels that because he lost his clone he feels that he lost a part of himself as well. And so he sits there. And wonders about his choice. And forever stuck in the regret that he has. Never to return again. And he sees himself fade as well.
Meanwhile in the real world, Steven lies on his death bed, and yet, manages to reverberate his voice to the outside world before he fully fades and says;
"For me this is the end, but is something I felt I had to do, and in this moment, if I had to do it again. I would", he mutters.
And then, he fades,and the machine flat lines and the people in that room mourns. But the story, his story, will never be reiterated, and never appreciated.
In the memorial, she was there as well,and although she felt she was partly responsible, she knew that it isn't something for her to think of because as she put it so eloquently to him "you were only a friend to me". And so she said goodbye to her friend and left with Nathaniel.