ByMatthew Surprenant, writer at Creators.co
Matthew is an eclectic horror & adventure author currently residing in CA. http://matthewscottauthor.wordpress.com/
Matthew Surprenant

Without a doubt, the one game that brings on my rage is The Fifth Element. It’s not because it isn’t very loyal to the source content, popping in teleporters and things that just weren’t in the movie. It’s also not that the cutscenes are randomly spliced segments of the movie or the audio sounds worse than the recordings I make at home with a $50 microphone. I don’t even care about the graphics. What enrages me are those f**cking controls. I hate them with a passion. I loved the Fifth Element movie and I brought into the branding ploy, thinking the license would be enough to make me like the game. Gah!

Milla?
Milla?

So I didn’t buy the game, but got it as a present. Still, I was excited and ready to kick some mondoshawan ass. Imagine my frustration when I put the game in and couldn’t even get the character to stand straight. I’m not joking. I press right, the character turns right. I press left, the character turns left, I press forward and the character moves forward. That means I could never get the character in a precise angle or even straightened out. I can usually figure out the controls to any game and find my groove. With this one, it’s not possible. It just isn’t.

Okay, so we have an action game that has iffy controls. That’s not the end of the world. If there’s an autoaim feature you don’t need to be precise, just generally get around and shoot things. That’d be great, but you turn so slowly you can’t take out a target before you’re seen. Then there’s trying to turn to attack an enemy who is already on you. As bad as that is, it’s manageable. I was still able to progress and experience more Fifth Element, so cool. But here’s the problem, they slapped in platforming elements. Seriously...I don’t have words for it If a game doesn’t allow you to reasonably angle yourself, why would it make you try and jump onto a floating platform that doesn’t even make sense within the universe of the movie the game was based on. But you know what, that’s fine too. Adding more can be fun. I mean, Tim the Toolman Taylor fought dinosaurs and I don’t care. The Fifth Element game is simply poorly designed and it’s a shame this license was ever touched by Kalisto Entertainment, who couldn't even figure out a proper camera angle for the game.

Energy shields too?
Energy shields too?

All that aside, the game hasn’t hurt the movie for me. It’s fine. I love the movie and I firmly believe sequels and spinoffs should not harm someone’s enjoyment of the original titles. Ultimately, it’s just the game doesn’t live up to the license it uses and there’s no way a good game could’ve came out of the team working on it, which is why Kalisto closed a few years later. If you’re interested, the best game they ever made was Nightmare Creatures, and that’s not enough for a company to live off of.

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