ByRose Moore, writer at
Writer, cosplayer and all around nerd. @RoseMooreWrites
Rose Moore

Welcome to a brand new week, which means a brand new . (Don't worry though, this is the last one for a while, I swear!)

This weeks sees us round up the trinity of electronic entertainment with a gamer challenge. This is definitely going to be an interesting one for me, because I'm not much of a gamer these days. It's not that I don't like playing games. It's the opposite. It's the fact that I enjoy them just a little too much, and as I work from home full-time, there is essentially nothing stopping me from playing until the bedsores make it too painful.

However, I have a weakness for vintage games, a long history in front of the console, and the occasional weak moment where I allow myself to indulge. That means most of my answers won't be recent releases, but I'll still be able to do this!

Day One: A Game That Induces Gamer Rage

For those of you who never experienced the joy of Ice Climber on the NES, this is an unbelievably frustrating (and addictive) game with a very simple premise.

Essentially, you control a tiny little 8-bit eskimo-parka-wearing person wielding a mallet. Your job is to use the mallet to smash through levels and club various little creatures that get in your way. The aim of the game is to get to the top, at which point you level up. That's it.

Literal seal clubbing
Literal seal clubbing

(Remember, this was back in the days where video games were two dimensional and often largely without plot. There's something to do with collecting vegetables in here, but let's face it, the plot isn't really the point of the game.)

It seems like this should be simple, right? All you are doing is breaking a hole above you, jumping through it to the next level, and then lathering, rinsing and repeating all the way to the top. It's possibly because this seems so mind-numbingly easy that dying in the game is so rage-inducing.

Slowly but surely, Ice Climber will suck you in. You think it's a silly game that you'll walk away from, until you have spent five straight hours screaming at your hapless little eskimo person to JUST JUMP THROUGH THAT DAMN HOLE ALREADY.

If you want to up the annoyance level further (because you are some kind of gaming masochist), find a friend who you actually hate, and get them to play the two-player version. In this one, there are two little 8-bit people, and they both have to stay within a couple levels of each other at all times. Again, this seems incredibly simple, until you are sitting on the floor vowing to delete someone from Facebook because CAN'T THEY SEE YOU HAVE AN ENEMY CRITTER IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOU HAVE TO JUMP AND OH MY GOD THERE WAS AN OPENING RIGHT THERE WHY DIDN'T THEY TAKE IT?!!?!

Finally, for that truly vintage rage, this needs to be played on the original NES system. Stoke your pre-gaming fires of fury by spending a solid ten minutes putting the cartridge in, taking it out, blowing on it, trying again, taking it out to open and close the lid on the system seventeen times, blowing on it again for luck... by the time you get to actually play, you'll be more than ready to use some language that would put those Call of Duty players to shame.


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