The whole world has heard of them. Some say we're controlled by them. So why have the Illuminati never been exposed? How can a group of men everybody has heard of operate on such a level of secrecy that their very existence is thought of as mythical? And is Obama really the puppet master pulling their strings? If you want answers to all of these questions and more, you're in the right place.
The Illuminati in the beginning
One thing everybody can agree on is how the Illuminati started out. In 1776, a philosopher at the University of Ingolstadt named Adam Weishaupt founded the "Covenant of Perfectibility" with four of his students, each taking an alias name from Roman mythology. Their symbol was the Owl of Athena which, associated with the Goddess Athena, represented wisdom. In 1778, with a membership of 12, the secret society rebranded as the Illuminati (or, literally, "the enlightened").
Induction rituals are synonymous with today's alleged Illuminati, but back in the 18th century when members were ranked either Novice, Minerval or Illuminated Minerval, only the middle grade Minervals were inducted with a ceremony, and taught secret signs methods of communication. The whole thing actually sounds pretty exciting.
Only wealthy males aged between 18 and 30 were recruited into Weishaupt's Illuminati. Women and Jews were specifically banned.
In 1780, Adolph Knigge of Bavaria was recruited from the Freemasons - another secret society with a history stretching back farther than the Illuminati, whom Weishaupt considered too conservative for his personal beliefs and teachings - to join the Illuminati and write the teachings of the higher degrees of the group. By 1784, the Illuminati had expanded to 650 members across Germany.
The end of the Illuminati... according to history books
It's easy to keep a secret if you don't tell anybody. If you tell your closest friend, you might be pretty sure it won't get out. If your closest friend tells three of his friends, and they each tell three of theirs, it won't be long before everybody is in on the secret, which describes exactly why the Illuminati ceased to exist.
Their men became talkative and began to boast of the power they thought member-ship gifted them, and the names of their members became public knowledge. Eventually Charles Theodore, then-Duke of Bavaria, banned secret societies by law, and by 1787, after just a decade, the Illuminati had disbanded.
It's worth noting that the original Illuminati didn't actually do anything evil - it was more about philosophical teachings and the acquisition of knowledge in the pursuit of enlightenment. Kind of like uni, with way more homework.
The Illuminati in the 21st century
Because the Illuminati were/are a secret society, the exact details of their rituals have mostly been a mystery, but this year somebody alleging to be a member of the Illuminati wrote a post on anonymousmags.com sharing a ton of details about what goes down behind closed doors. Or closed bunkers, you might say. Here's a brief summary of what this former member of the Order had to say:
- There's a 5-star bunker in Mexico and 438 more around the world, all designed to hold thousands of the world's wealthiest men and most senior politicians, oil tycoons, bankers and so on in the event of a nuclear war. The Mexico bunker can hold 5,000 people and will be where Bill Gates and the various Presidents are taken when the bombs drop - although the oil guys will all be murdered in the bunker, because duh.
- Abraham Lincoln was never really assassinated, and having masterminded the Civil War to make the North of America rich, was removed from office and installed into that luxurious Mexican bunker. (Hopefully the decor has been updated since then.)
- Saddam Hussein wasn't actually hung - it was a dummy. Hussein was installed to incite religious hatred in the Middle East as a justification for invasion by the US, in order to gain access to that all-important oil supply, and now spends his days in a bunker in Argentina. There are "no future plans" for Hussein - which is just well, seeing as he's meant to be dead.
- Some of the bunkers are just full of cocaine, because the drug cartels of Mexico and South America are in fact a proxy for the Illuminati. A strictly enforced law prohibits Lindsay Lohan from accessing said bunkers.
- The Russians had the first moon landing. It was in fact a dummy run for the American moon landing, because the Illuminati had orchestrated tensions between the two superpowers to convince the public of the benefits of capitalism over communism. Today there are two fully functional nuclear missile depots on the moon, both of which can launch a missile at any of Earth's nations should the Illuminati decide a wipeout is necessary.
- The Illuminati can literally turn off the sun. Now this one might sound pretty intense, possibly too cray to be true, but scientists have found a way to burn a radioactive lazer beam through the nucleus of any star, which when turned on the sun would cause it to die completely and wipe out the entire human race within nine years.
The truth about Obama
All of this stuff is pretty bold, but perhaps the most shocking revelation this ex- Illuminati member had to share* is that Barack Obama occupies a position above the Illuminati, and is in effect the evil grand supreme leader of everything.
(*Amazing, isn't it, that he was allowed to leave and share the secrets kept by a secret society for literally centuries? You'd have thought they'd just take him to one of those bunkers and burn him next to the corpse of Hitler (who, obviously, did not die in 1945). But what do I know?)
According to our trusted insider, Barack Obama was in fact born in a bunker in Finland and groomed to become the leader of the free world from a young age. But of course even the best-made plans can go off-course, and annoyingly the Illuminati forgot to fake a birth certificate for the future President of the United States. A rookie error, but hey - we're all human.
Anyway, Obama is planning to bend the constitution to ensure a third term in office, which in turn will allow him to carry out a masterplan of inserting micro-bodies into the minds of children and teenagers to give him an army controlled by thought who will allow him to implement his Marxist ideology.
We must make sure this doesn't happen.
This article is only the tip of the iceberg. There is so much more that must be said about the Illuminati if they are to be exposed, so keep your eyes peeled for part two - the same way the Illuminati have their eyes peeled. On you.
Have you had direct dealings with the Illuminati? Leave a comment, write a post or call our dedicated hotline: 1-800-OBAMA-IS-EVIL.