ByHeather Snowden, writer at
Lover of bad puns, nostalgic feels and all things Winona. Email: [email protected] Tweet: @heathbetweetin
Heather Snowden

Meet Joe Roy Metheny, the demonic cannibal butcher with a blood thirst that would rival even Sweeney Todd's taste for human flesh. Weighing in at around 450lbs, the now 60-year-old morbidly obese monster has admitted to at least eight murders dating back to 1976. It's what he did with the bodies of his victims, however, that is truly hard to stomach.

In a similar (and perhaps inspiring) narrative to the Victorian story of Sweeney Todd, the barber of Fleet Street who murdered his clients and disposed of their bodies via baked meat pies, Metheny rounded up his victims and cooked up a mortifying feast for his unsuspecting customers.

To help you paint a picture, this is him:

In his own words, Metheny described how he lured two "crack whores" to his trailer and then proceeded to kill and butcher their bodies.

"I cut the meat up and put it in some Tupperware bowls then put it in a freezer. I buried the remains in several shallow graves in a little woods behind the company.

Over the next couple weeks on the weekends I opened up a little open-pit beef stand. I had real roast beef and pork sandwiches and why not they were very good. The human body tastes was very similar to pork. If you mix it together no one can tell the difference."

According to his telling of events, all was going to plan and his "special meat" was going down as a treat with the locals. That is, until he ran out...

"Everything was going pretty good until I ran out of my special meat. So I lured another bitch up to my trailer. I got her in there and started to rip her clothes off and knocking the hell out of her. She was screaming, but there was no one around to hear her except me. And I just kept on laughing at her.
I turned around for a split second, and that was my mistake, for she ran out the door before I could get to her. There was an 8-foot chain link fence with barbwire on top of it around the front of the company. There was a stack of wooden pallets next to the fence about 10 feet high. That bitch scaled those pallets like a monkey and jumped the fence, and ran down to the main road where some guy in a pickup truck picked her up and took her to a nearby gas station where they called the cops."

Although he knew the cops were on their way, Metheny did not try to make a run for it. In fact, he arrogantly opened his door to greet them and thus put an end to his reign of terror - which lasted from 1976-1995.

As you would expect, the police were disgusted by Metheny's savage attack on Rita Kemper (the "bitch" who escaped), however, when they learned of his previous activities, including a time when he killed five people in seven hours, a whole pandoras box of horror was unearthed.

A reason behind the madness?

According to Metheny his savage blood thirst first hit back in 1994 when he returned from work one evening and his "ole lady" or "crack addict worthless piece of shit," whichever term you prefer, had left him and taken her six-year-old son along with her. Six months later, he discovered that she had moved to the other side of town, living with "some asshole" that was essentially pimping her out for drug money. They were arrested for possession and the child was taken into custody for neglect and child abuse.

Standing zero chance of getting his son back through the traditional methods due to his already standing criminal convictions, Metheny took it upon himself to track them down.

I had found out from someone that they was going under that bridge and getting high with some homeless motherfuckers who lived under that bridge.

I went under there looking for them. They were not there, but the two homeless motherfuckers they got high with them were down there. They were passed out on some old stinking mattress and that's where they were when I left, except there were dead from being chopped up.

By the end of that night, he had completed five murders within seven hours, luring one prostitute down under the bridge after another, raping and killing them, and then ending the life of an elderly passerby with a steel pipe.

I was arrested and charged with the murders of the 2 men I chopped up. I spent close to 18 months in Baltimore City Jail waiting to go to trial. The trial lasted 1 week and it was thrown out of court cause of lack of evidence.
The bridge under which Joe Metheny claimed 5 lives
The bridge under which Joe Metheny claimed 5 lives

Arrested in December 1996 and now serving time for the rest of his eternity in Baltimore, Joe Roy Metheny is now 60 years old and looks like this:

Staying true to his colors, Metheny's only message of remorse is the fact that his "ole lady" and the "bastard" she ran away with are still alive.

Well that's my story, horrible but true. So the next time you're riding down the road and you happen to see an open pit beef stand, that you've never seen before, make sure you think about this story before you take a bite of that sandwich. Sometimes you never know who you may be eating. Ha! Ha!

Duly noted!


Latest from our Creators