Hollywood is stuck in a period of time where "remakes" seem to be a good idea. To them at least. Only, for us fans, they aren't. Remakes are a terrible idea. It makes it seem like they are running out of ideas. They are taking classics and updating them, and to be honest, most of the updates suck. Since they are remaking the Godfather Trilogy (really they only need to remake the dreadful one we all hate) and Scarface (both of which would have made this list), here are movies that should NEVER be remade.
In no particular order here is the MC HAMMER You Can't Touch This list:
Apocalypse Now - They are already ruining his most famous series of movies, but this is a classic all on it's own. Marlon Brando, Martin Sheen, Robert Duvall, Dennis Hopper, Laurence Fishburne. A cast for the ages.
Silence of the Lambs - Anthony Hopkins and Jodie Foster gave performances for the ages. I mean, both won an Academy Award for it. I can't imagine any one else trying to replicate this. So don't.
Anything bearing the name of John Hughes - The world will literally burn Hollywood. This man has created some of the classics we all can relate to, and they stand the test of time.
Anything by Steven Spielberg - He's my all-time favorite director. Every movie he does, is great. Schindler's List, War Horse, Hook, Munich, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Minority Report, Close Encounters of the third kind, just to name a few. He has given us some movies that we will never forget. Try going to the beach without thinking about sharks.
Anything by Martin Scorcese - I mean, look at his body of work. No one can replicate what he's done. And those three above, just the tip of the glorious iceberg that is his filmography. Guy should've had multiple Academy Awards, and finally wins for The Departed.
Anything by Quentin Tarantino - I've never walked out of a Tarantino movie and thought "Hmmm, that was a piece of shit." It's usually "Well, that was amazing." The guy knows how to craft a story, and Pulp Fiction is still one of his best movies to date.
Anything by Alfred Hitchcock - I grew up watching Hitchcock movies. Sure Psycho has been remade a bunch of times. But a lot of his movies that he directed are great and do not need to be updated.
The Princess Bride - It's inconceivable to even think about it.
Goonies - First of all, the story is by Steven Spielberg, and Christopher Columbus wrote the screenplay. Columbus has actually given us a few great movies himself. But this movie. THIS MOVIE. Is. Was. and always will be...a Classic. I know I still want to find a treasure. Goonies is everything a movie should be.
Shawshank Redemption - Andy crawled through a river of shit. Remaking this movie would be the river he crawled through.
Labyrinth - How many of us wished for this exact thing as a child? Our annoying sibling to be whisked away. Well that happened and this movie was exactly what we wanted as a kid. It's a classic.
The Neverending Story - Sure visually it doesn't stand the test of time, but that story and the way it tugs at your heart strings, well that is what makes it great. They don't make movies like this any more, and they certainly shouldn't try by remaking this classic.
The Sandlot - Because "You're killin me, Smalls" is a line repeated way too much and has become part of pop culture lore. This is one of the finest movies, and one that defines a lost generation. Not many kids play baseball in lots like this any more.
Star Wars 4-6 - Want to see 4 billion pissed off Dorks, Nerds, and Geeks on your doorstep? don't even think about it.
Sleepless in Seattle - Tom Hanks. Meg Ryan. I mean we could say any Tom Hanks movie, because let's face it, Tom Hanks picks good scripts and makes them great.
When Harry Met Sally - Billy Crystal has a knack for humor and it's on full display in this movie. I mean, just watch it. The chemistry and story is fantastic. So good.
Rocky - Classic story of a guy believing in himself and achieving his dreams. Not just the movie either. Read Sylvester Stallone's story on how he got this made and believed in himself, how he hunkered down and wrote the story. It is truly inspiring.
Airplane - I've never gotten on a plane and not thought about this movie. This is Leslie Nielsen at his finest, and that's saying a lot, because he is fantastic in pretty much all of his movies.
Spaceballs - The Cast is fabulous, and the humor still makes me and many others laugh. It is one that can not be replicated.
Gone with the Wind - Frankly my dear, I would give a damn if they attempted to remake this.
Sound of Music - The hills would be alive with the sound of millions of screaming angry people. Julie Andrews was phenomenal in this role. Sure, there are people who could attempt to sing it as fabulous as she did, but why.
The Wizard of Oz - for a movie that is over 75 years old, it's still entertaining and still great. It can still captivate audiences and it's one I can't wait for my children to watch.
Back to the Future - Where we're going, we don't need roads. I remember hearing that, and getting chills because i knew we were about to see something great. Movie magic at it's finest.
The Deer Hunter - Robert DeNiro could have his own section of movies on this list. Another instant classic. As a kid, I watched it when my parents left and my older brothers were home watching us. So good.
Fight Club - great book, great movie. This was thoroughly entertaining and Brad Pitt/Edward Norton/Helena Bonham-Carter did a great job as well.
Big - Tom Hanks, everyone. This guy has made some classics. Big is one of them.
Caddyshack - So great. Just look at the poster. comedic icons.
Groundhog Day - Bill Murray. A movie that has had the concept replicated, but you can't beat the original.
One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest - Won 5 Academy Awards and is still great. Watch it. It does not need to be remade.
Field of Dreams - Kevin Costner. Baseball. A great movie. It is one that punches you right in the tear ducts.
The Avengers - I will kill you. It's the best superhero movie ever. Not even 760 years from now.
Boyz N the Hood - Ice Cube, Laurence Fishburne (makes his second appearance on this list). An instant classic. Gives you a real look inside of the hood.
Animal House - Know those "college" shirts you see on people? well there you go. Belushi was fantastic in this movie. Don't try and chug the jack, people.
Stand by me - I mean, I can't walk on train tracks without thinking of this movie. It was perfect then, and it's perfect now.
I'm sure that this list can be longer, but for now, how about we leave these movies alone. They stand the test of time.
In the immortal words of Chris Tucker:
Good, glad we are on the same page. Don't even try it.
Note: Roots was on the list, but apparently Lifetime is remaking it. UGH.