ByDaniel Miles, writer at Creators.co
I'm a London based film and TV critic who just wants a Dredd sequel

Cast

Cast overview, first billed only:

Adam Sandler Adam Sandler ...

Dracula (voice)

Andy Samberg Andy Samberg ...

Jonathan (voice)

Selena Gomez Selena Gomez ...

Mavis (voice)

Kevin James Kevin James ...

Frankenstein (voice)

Steve Buscemi Steve Buscemi ...

Wayne (voice)

David Spade David Spade ...

Griffin (voice)

Keegan-Michael Key Keegan-Michael Key ...

Murray (voice)

Plot- Dracula and his friends try to bring out the monster in his half human, half vampire grandson in order to keep Mavis from leaving the hotel.

Review- Were I to damn this movie with the faintest praise imaginable, I would say that it's better than Pixels. And that for an Adam Sandler film it has something approaching a plot and consistent characters, as well as decent animation.

And since this is probably the last time I'll tangle with Sandler before he slithers off to pollute Netflix, I should probably just say that you shouldn't see this film under any circumstances. Ever. Not one second or frame.

But since a 78 word review looks like bad form I should probably expand on why this wretched thing should be staked through the heart.

Lets start with the basics and move on. These characters are nothing like their literary or previous film incarnations. Aside from a slight physical resemblance, characters that were (originally) tortured, misunderstood or just plain evil are now all wisecracking... things that won't inspire children to track down the original novels/films.

The voice acing is weak and uninspired. This is to be expected, since instead of hiring trained voice actors to the roles, Sandler instead got loads of his mates in. Now, I could understand this if they mentioned this fact in the advertising a la Dreamworks but they can even be bothered to do that.

The jokes aren't funny, the characters aren't developed, the jokes aren't funny, even at 89 minutes this feels desperately padded and did I mention it wasn't funny?

And then we get the big one, the moral of the film. At first the film seems to be going for the traditional, accept everybody/be yourself kind of moral that we get in a lot of films. Then (SPOILER WARNING) at the end, it switches the moral to "A woman's opinion isn't valid. She should just do as the men in her life tell her." I wish I was joking.

And the plot holes, my god, the plot holes. To pick just one- If a human (mortal) marries a vampire (immortal) then one will age and die within 70 years and the other will live on forever. And yet no-where is this discussed. Or even mentioned.

And I'll quite happily do without the threatened sequel to this thing please.

Short on jokes, characters or any sense of the history behind these monsters of legend, what can I say other than

My Score- Fire

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