BySam Plank, writer at
"You have to be what you are. Whatever you are, you gotta be it." -Johnny Cash. Tweet a tweeter at my twitty twitter, @tw1tterintw1t
Sam Plank

What makes the perfect party? Let's make a list:

  • Good tunes
  • Entertainment
  • Kick-ass crib
  • That "special" surprise that makes the night REALLY memorable (think nudey girl jumping out of a cake)
  • And if all else fails, neverending alcohol!

Who can we call on to make all that happen? Strap on your mutant finding cap and step into Cerebro!


I tried to think back on all the movies I've seen most or all of, and Star Lord comes to mind, but he was taken by the fella that wrote the contest article. My second thought? This lady!

Diva Plavalaguna from The Fifth Element

Talk about some pipes! Her voice alone should entertain your guests for hours, and her hair (is that hair?) will entertain the rest of them.

If you want to hear and absolute AWESOME performance of her song in The Fifth Element, watch this video:

But, you know, PROMISE you'll come back to this article! ;)

If Diva Plavalavawhoever is busy that day, then get the girl from that video to perform!


So who is going to entertain us? Think back to your childhood...if you ever had a magician show up at your or your friend's birthday party, you'll agree with me; you really need to book him:

Doctor Strange!

Ala Kazama Cadabra!
Ala Kazama Cadabra!

One thing you can count on, is him not pulling a rabbit out of a hat or a hankerchief out of his nose. None of that easy crap. More like making everyone in the room float turning some bacon back into a pig or something.

Sweet House

You're going to have those party-goers who just don't like other people, music, food, Sorcerer Supremes, or wierd surprises, so they're gonna wander around your joint, checking out your stuff. So you better have one awesome house for them to check out. What better place that...

The Fortress of Solitude!

And I'm not talking the boring ones in Smallville and the original Superman movies. I'm thinking of that cool one with all the neat stuff in it, from the All-Star Superman comics:


So our next guest would have to be Superman, of course. Who else can pick up a key to his house that weighs 500,000 tons? Plus, who could be a better bouncer and post-party clean up crew than The Man of Steel himself!

Mysterious Special Event

You want more entertainment, you say? A finale to end all finales?

Imagine this.

You're chillin' at the party with your besties, sitting in the FOS's auditorium waiting for the main attraction to start (as if Doctor Strange wasn't cool enough), when out of nowhere, you get bitten by a radioactive spider and develop superhuman powers! With the help of blasts of solar radiation, experimentation by the military, and super-fast evolution, your friends have similar things happen to them. Together as a team, you seem unstoppable! That strength is put to the test when the Fortess is overrun by space aliens hell-bent on the destruction of earth. You and your team stop them in no time flat! When the dust settles, you're sitting back in your seats in the auditorium, with not a scratch on you. It was all a dream! Who could have pulled off such a feat?!

Normally, I'd say Charles Xavier, but he's getting too old and cranky for that kind of a stunt. Hell, he's probably in the audience taking a breather from all his mutant stuff. No, this trick was courtesy of the new girl in Marvel Movie Town!

The Scarlett Witch!

She puts the hubba hubba in...uh...scarlet?
She puts the hubba hubba in...uh...scarlet?

She gives each guest or group of guests their own little private fantasy to live out, something they'll always remember, but you know, not die from and stuff.

The bartender

The last must-have guest on the list is the first one I thought of, and that thought made me feel the need to find 4 more more guests and write this whole thing.

Any good party will have plenty of drinky drinky, but there's always that risk of running out, right? Well, This Guy will make sure that never happens, but you'll have to like wine. A lot. I'll end this article by saying His name, and leaving it at that, to risk the least amount of butthurt or hate mail. Ladies and gents, your bartender for the evening:

Party on, Garth!!!


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