ByQuinton Ridley, writer at
i love movies

Whats so offensive about this movie is that its just barely watchable.

The biggest success of the year goes to a movie that cost $150 million to make and made 1.6 billion worldwide. And all the filmmakers delivered was “watchable”.

The dialogue? Atrocious. The acting? Phoned in by everyone. The script? Flimsy, predictable and unoriginal. And worst of all is the directing. Its flat and procedural, lacking any suspense or wit or thrills. Director Colin Trevorrow was handed this film after directing a modest and mediocre indie comedy. And that’s exactly what Jurassic World feels like. Except it has the plot of a 90s blockbuster and its loaded with outstanding virtual effects.

My gripe is that Jurassic World was going to make a billion dollars even if it didn’t suck. So why can’t studios hire TALENTED directors and screenwriters? Why not give us something new and drastically original, if the audience is already there? Why a shitty “greatest hits” cover band of a truly great film?

Films like this make me angry and depressed about the future of filmmaking. It grows more corporate and cynical with every Hollywood tentpole movie that devours money in exchange for boring retreads and ripoffs that only children and overly-nostalgic hipsters don’t mind.

This is the biggest deathblow to film culture in 2015. Thankfully its balanced out by the surprise success of Mad Max: Fury Road, Jurassic World’s exact opposite. I pray to God that Star Wars Episode 7 is something closer to the former rather than the latter.

Worst parts of Jurassic World:

  • Every character who is not a good looking young white person is a prop made to make good looking young white people look strong and not racist.
  • We know the bad guy is bad because he’s a white male who is not young, is overweight and he has an evil Southern background.
  • Bryce Dallas Howard is our unlikable main character and her unlikability is supposed to be cured when her mother instincts are kinda somewhat activated.
  • The true star is a digital T-Rex (who shows up late in a 2 hour movie).
  • Bryce Dallas Howard can outrun said T-Rex (one of the greatest predators ever to evolve).

Best part of Jurassic World:

Evil White Man: Look at these creatures. They’ve got millions of years of instinct in their cells. Instinct that we can program.

Good White Man’s Black Sidekick: What if they decide they want to be in control?

Evil White Man: Then we remind them who is. We terminate the rogues. Promote only loyal bloodlines. Whats so funny?

Good White Man: You come here and don’t learn anything about these animals only what you want to know. You made them and now you think you own them.

Evil White Man: We do own them.

This is the only interesting scene in the film. Obvious wink-winking at the homicidal outbreak of racism in America today. The entire film is an exercise by Hollywood to claim their liberal politics and disown the white supremacy they manufacture. But this device is such a backhanded compliment that faux-liberal filmmakers have used since King Kong. What is progressive about white filmmakers comparing black people to animals and aliens so they can express white guilt? After this exchange the white characters allude to Manifest Destiny and Nazi eugenics. Its all really moronically done though. And of course the black character is written out of the scene, because “What does he know?”.


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