BySandra Harris, writer at Creators.co

I’VE BEEN WATCHING YOU (AKA: THE BROTHERHOOD). 2001. PRODUCED AND DIRECTED BY DAVID DECOTEAU. STARRING NATHAN WATKINS, JOSH HAMMOND, BRADLEY STRYKER, ELIZABETH BRUDERMAN, MICHAEL LUTZ, DONNIE EICHAR, CHRISTOPHER CULLEN, BRANDON BEEMER, BRIAN BIANCHINI, CHLOE CROSS, MATT EBIN AND FORREST COCHRAN. REVIEW BY SANDRA HARRIS. ©

This isn’t a great horror film, in all honesty, but I’m not going to hold that against the director. I’ve seen and reviewed one of his other horror movies, BRAM STOKER’S LEGEND OF THE MUMMY 2 and yes, it was pretty bad too. But hey, the guy’s obviously on a tight budget and anyway, far be it from me to have a pop at someone’s efforts. In actual fact, both films were still a bit of fun, while not being scary in the slightest, and sometimes even a bad film can be a good watch. Anyway, here’s a peep at what’s going on in I’VE BEEN WATCHING YOU. See if you think it sounds any good.

Like in BRAM STOKER’S LEGEND OF THE MUMMY 2 (I can’t believe there are two of these!), this film is set in a college. Hey, the director may even have used the same set for both films. They certainly look similar, anyway. Chris and Dan are two freshman room-mates, see? Chris is the handsome athletic one with fantastically white teeth and a terrific body. Dan is the slightly less buff but still cute enough one. Megan is a girl whom Chris meets on his first day and decides he fancies, and she seems to like him too. All good so far, right?

Wrong. Dead wrong. Chris has come to the attention of a vampire named Devon and his three cronies. Yes, it’s a small, select group. They pretty much run the college, which isn’t too hard to do because it’s completely teacher-free for some reason. Budget-related, probably. Snigger.

The vampires decide that they want Chris, a prime physical specimen, to join their fraternity for reasons that will become all too clear in the fullness of time. They pretty much promise him all the pussy he can eat (sorry!) if he’ll only become one of them.

Friend Dave smells a rat, however, and does some digging around in the records of this particular fraternity. What he discovers chills him to the bone. He has to get Chris away from the badly-dressed vampires at all costs, but the sunglasses-indoors-wearing Un-Dead won’t just hand him over. The battle for the delicious Chris’s immortal soul is well and truly on…

The frat-boy vampires are the lamest, wimpiest crew of bloodsuckers you’ll probably ever see. Their look is a bizarre, baffling mixture of low-budget ‘Eighties/’Nineties fetish-wear. They wear cheap sunnies and leather slacks and their head honcho openly admits to spending an hour a day on a tanning bed. A tanning bed…! Jesus wept.

The truly great movie vampires of their day, sadly all gone now, would surely all turn in their graves to hear that. Never mind that, they ought to rise up out of those graves, go round in a posse to the homes of these pretenders and kick their asses, but only after screaming in their over-tanned boat-races: ‘WE’RE THE FLIPPIN’ UN-DEAD!!! WE DON’T DO TANNING BEDS!!!’ But how-and-ever…

As in BRAM STOKER’S LEGEND OF THE MUMMY 2, there’s not much in the way of spooky atmosphere in the film beyond the occasional burst of mystical-style music which I definitely remember hearing in MUMMY 2 as well. Waste not, want not, eh…?

The threesome scene is hilarious and almost worth the price of admission. I said almost, haha. The ending is fun as well and this distinctly homo-erotic film knows its limitations and clocks in at a modest eighty-five minutes.

I actually would watch more films by this guy. He obviously had a vision of the kind of film he wanted to make and he presumably did the best he could with what he had. Fair play to him. It’s not Francis Ford Coppola’s DRACULA or Neil Jordan’s INTERVIEW WITH THE VAMPIRE, but then few films are. You do the best you can with what you have. Life hands you lemons, you make lemonade. Or you make I’VE BEEN WATCHING YOU, what’s the difference…?

AUTHOR BIOGRAPHY OF SANDRA HARRIS.

Sandra Harris is a Dublin-based performance poet, novelist, film blogger, sex blogger and short story writer. She has given more than 200 performances of her comedy sex-and-relationship poems in different venues around Dublin, including The Irish Writers’ Centre, The International Bar, Toners’ Pub (Ireland’s Most Literary Pub), the Ha’penny Inn, Le Dernier Paradis at the Trinity Inn and The Strokestown Poetry Festival.

Her articles, short stories and poems have appeared in The Metro-Herald newspaper, Ireland’s Big Issues magazine, The Irish Daily Star, The Irish Daily Sun and The Boyne Berries literary journal. In August 2014, she won the ONE LOVELY BLOG award for her (lovely!) horror film review blog. She is addicted to buying books and has been known to bring home rain-washed tomes she finds on the street and give them a home.

She is the proud possessor of a pair of unfeasibly large bosoms. They have given her- and the people around her- infinite pleasure over the years. She adores the horror genre in all its forms and will swap you anything you like for Hammer Horror or JAWS memorabilia. She would also be a great person to chat to about the differences between the Director’s Cut and the Theatrical Cut of The Wicker Man. You can contact her at:

[email protected]

https://www.facebook.com/SandraHarrisPureFilthPoetry

https://sandrafirstruleoffilmclubharris.wordpress.com

http://sexysandieblog.wordpress.com

http://serenaharker.wordpress.com

https://twitter.com/SandraAuthor

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