It turns out that some people don't need a horror flick to put them in the Halloween spirit. You just need your very own creepy run-of-the-mill spawn of the devil child to say the scariest things.
And presto! You're not going to get a wink of shut eye all night.
Below is a list of children who said the darndest, freakiest things. This might make you think twice before bringing a little stinker into this world, as some of these are worse than lines from any horror film in existence.
1. While changing my daughter in front of the open closet door, she kept looking around me and laughing. I asked her what was so funny. She said, "The man." To which I replied, "What man?" She pointed at the closet and said, "The man with the snake neck." I turned around but nothing was there. I'm afraid to look into the history of my house to see if anyone's hung themselves in the closet.
2. My daughter would say Spanish curse words in her sleep in a Tony-from-The-Shining voice when she was 5. She didn't know to speak Spanish when she was awake.
3. My daughter once told me, "Daddy, I love you so much that I want to cut your head off and carry it around so I can see your face whenever I want."
4. My first son at three years old, as he was falling asleep in the car: "Last time, I died in a fire." I almost drove off the road.
5. My little brother's imaginary friend, Roger, lived under our coffee table. Roger had a wife and nine kids. Roger and his family lived peacefully alongside us for three years. One day, my little brother announced that Roger wouldn't be around anymore, since he shot and killed himself and his whole family.
6. When my daughter was three, one day she said to me, "Don't you remember, Mommy? Before, when you were the daughter and I was the mother, they came and chopped all our heads off. Chop, chop, chop, chop, chop! The whole village." She made vicious chopping motions every time she said the word, chop. I was so taken aback, all I could think of to say was, "Fortunately sweetheart, I don't remember the head chopping." Her response was, "Well it happened and I remember it really well." Eep.
7. When my son was young, he came and climbed into bed with us, crying. I asked him what was wrong. He said that the big fat man with a bloody hole in his head kept trying to open his window.
8. My best friend, Lisa, died when I was pregnant with my daughter. When my daughter was three, I heard laughing. I asked, "What are you laughing at?" She said, "Auntie Lisa is making silly faces and playing with me."
9. When my daughter was three, she woke up one morning looking rough. I asked if she slept okay and she said, "No! Popaw Mike kept me up all night pinching my toes!" My dad, her Popaw Mike, passed away eight years before she was born and that's how he used to wake me and my brother up when we were little.
10. When my kid was four, we were watching a documentary on the Titanic. The scene was a picture of the boiler room and the camera panned from left to right. He pointed at the TV and said, "That's wrong. The boilers were on the other side, and I was right here." He pointed to a small space in the boiler room. "That's where I was. And that's why I don't like water now."
11. When my youngest daughter was three I went into her room at bedtime to tuck her in. I walked up to her bed and noticed that the floor was wet. I asked her why the floor was wet and she told me, "I was spitting at the fog people. It makes them go away." She did this numerous times. Scared the shit out of me.
12. My five-year-old at the time had night terrors and would scream in her sleep. One night I said, "Mama's here, it's okay." She looked right at me still asleep and screamed, "Mama? But who is that behind you?"
13. When my son was about four or five we were in the toilet before his bedtime and he was brushing his teeth. He dropped his toothbrush and I picked it up for him. When my eyes met his, he just stared at me and said, "Dad, why does that man have a knife?" and pointed behind me. Quickest 180 I've ever fucking done.
We already find horror flicks with children insanely creepy. I suppose we'd like to think what occurs in these films doesn't happen in real-life.
So what do you do when your child sees something you don't? Sleep with one eye open and a knife under your pillow, that's what.