I have been insanely lucky to have never experienced a crappy date. Mainly because I don't really date; I am incredibly picky and I can usually tell if I will enjoy hanging out with a guy from the get-go. If I know I won't, I don't waste my time.
Fortunately, my boyfriend who I have been dating for a long time is excellent at date nights. Whether we stay in and drink wine and eat his delicious cooking while watching a movie, or go out to a concert or bar to dance to live music, I have to admit I'm spoiled. And I'd like to say I take him out on awesome dates as well.
Most celebrities aren't any different from the rest of us, meaning they too have had to endure laughably terrible and cringe-worthy dates. Some of these stories sound like something straight out of a nightmare I'd never want to endure.
1. Tori Spelling and Her Old High School Crush
“Four rum and Cokes and two hours of a one-way conversation later, I was way too drunk and bored. I was feeling sick. Actually, the room started spinning at this point, as he went on and on about how David Charvet robbed him blind from what would have been his breakout role on Baywatch.”
Tori attempted to run to the restroom, as she felt very sick, but instead made it into the kitchen, where she barfed into a kitchen bowl.
"He went in for an end-of-the-night kiss, apparently unaware that I had blown chunks in the trendiest kitchen in Hollywood. The kicker is he actually did call. But not for two weeks, and when he did, he asked if I could get him an audition for a new series my dad was producing…”
He sounds like an absolute douchebag.
2. Jennifer Love Hewitt's Date is "Tearin Up My Heart"
“I went out with a guy who's a little bit older. I was 25 at the time, and he brought me an ‘N Sync T-shirt. Am I, like, 12? Most guys would bring flowers or chocolates. He also gave me Altoids for our kiss at the end of the night, and we'd barely said hello. I found that so grody.”
I know we are enjoying a lovely 90s comeback, but this wouldn't have been considered a good date even in the 90s.
3. Kim Kardashian's Blah Date with Reggie Bush
“I picked him up from the car wash and then we ate Chipotle.”
While I do approve of the Chipotle part, Kim K isn't some plebeian; this is clearly way below this fancy Kardashian's standards.
4. Tina Fey's Date Falls Short...Literally
"One time a guy invited me to go mountain climbing on a date, and he fell off the mountain…[H]e was showing off, and he just fell.”
This is why nobody likes a showoff.
5. Jennifer Aniston and the Case of the Nosy, Rude Asshole
At West Hollywood’s Sunset Tower Hotel in March of 2011, Jen arrived only to find her date already there early. He had ordered dinner without waiting for Jennifer. He then kept asking questions about Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. The straw that broke the camel's back? When the bill came, he asked if they should split it!
At that point, Aniston was so fed up she just paid the entire bill and bid that jerk adieu.
6. Katherine Heigl's Private Trainer Takes Her to a Sizzler?
“I was like 20 pounds heavier and trying real hard to work it off at the gym and my trainer asked me out. He took me to Sizzler and gave me his head shot and asked me if I could get him in my agency. I knew it wasn't the extra 20 pounds that turned him on!”
So he was also trying to use her. As if eating at Sizzler isn't disgusting enough.
7. Nikki Reed
“When I was in second grade, I went on a date with this guy. I thought it was a date, but he didn’t, and I wrote on a piece of paper, 'Do you want to be my friend or my boyfriend or nothing? Circle one.' And he circled nothing.' That was probably my worst date ever!”
There is nothing more painful than unrequited love, and being in the second grade doesn't make it any easier. I bet that guy is punching himself in the face now, as Nikki is a celebrated actor who is both beautiful and successful.
8. Justin Bieber Gets Saucy
"I took a girl out for a first date to an Italian restaurant and spilled spaghetti all over her. It was terrible and embarrassing. She never went out with me again."
I spill food on myself on the regular, so this wouldn't have been any different than everyday life for me.
9. Salma Hayek's Bad Date Ended Up Being Really Good
“My first date with my husband started badly. I didn’t know it was a date. I thought I was going to an event, and then there was just one person at it. I was set up by friends to think I was going to an event, because they knew I wouldn’t go on a date. I was angry. And he didn’t know, because he thought I knew he was coming just to meet him. It started out really badly. But as you can see, it ended happy.”
I suppose there is a silver lining for us all.
10. Lucy Hale's Date with a Flirt
“I was on a date with a guy once, and he wasn’t aware that I could see his cell phone — and the fact that he was actually texting romantic messages to another girl!”
This guys really knows how to make a woman feel special...NOT.
11. Christina Millian and Her Stinky Date
“I dated a guy who had really bad breath. Really bad. The elevator, the car, everything smelled like his breath. Even gum didn’t help!”
I am plugging my nose as I read this. How can he not be aware of his situation?
12. Emma Watson's Shallow Guy
“The worst date I’ve ever been on was a guy who told me he couldn’t be friends with fat people or anyone who was unattractive. I realized pretty quickly that he was a nutter.”
It's better that she caught the warning signs sooner rather than later.
13. George Clooney Dinner with Unfunny Madonna
Post-Madonna and Guy Ritchie's split, George Clooney decided to take the world-famous singer out on a date. They supposedly went to dinner and she made a series of unfunny jokes. Clooney then discovered they weren't a good match and wanted to bolt as soon as he could.
These horror date stories make me shudder in fear. I am so thankful that I will hopefully never have to go through something as traumatic as these situations.
And for those of you who are dating and persevering through crappy date after crappy date, I salute you. I don't know how you do it.