ByHeather Snowden, writer at
Lover of bad puns, nostalgic feels and all things Winona. Email: [email protected] Tweet: @heathbetweetin
Heather Snowden

Jaden Smith is something of a philosophical mastermind, in the sense that he spews convoluted statements about his world and nobody really has a f*cking clue what he's talking about. The son of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith was recently interviewed by GQ, for whatever reason, and came out with a number of bizarre WTF statements that Kanye West would be proud of.

He began by describing the 'initiative' started by himself and sister, Willow, called 'Mystery School' where they make 'like Plato' and attach sacred meanings to words, disallowing you from repeating them outside the mystery circle. Like dodecahedron, or Voldemort, for example.

But BAH! Not really! This 17-year-old is just playing with you, waiting for your reaction! Lololol.

“Me and Willow are scientists, so everything for us is a scientific test upon humanity. And luckily we’re put in a position where we can affect large groups of human beings at one time. That experiment—it went really, really well. We got to see how people reacted. And they actually ended up reacting exactly as we predicted beforehand that they would react.”

Thankfully, Jaden doesn't let the potential for playing God go to his head, no he's far too modest. He's more of a revolutionary Galileo type of guy.

“It’s fun, bro. That’s what a lot of people don’t realize. It’s fun. It’s so much fun. It’s the best thing. People think you’re crazy—I feel like it’s an honor, actually, for people to think I’m crazy. Because they thought Galileo was crazy, too, you know what I’m saying? I don’t think I’m as revolutionary as Galileo, but I don’t think I’m not as revolutionary as Galileo.”

But like, potentially he's greater than Galileo, because did Galileo build a pyramid in his parents' house? No, no he did not.

“Like, the clothes I’m wearing right now, done it on my own. I built my own bed, I built my own closet, um, I built two closets, I built four beds, I built, um, one pyramid— It’s at my parents’ house. Half of a pyramid. The tip is missing, but the whole structural thing is built, and it sits at 12.5 feet tall. I’ll Instagram a picture of it once this comes out, so people know what I’m talking about. Because it’s supposed to be 14 feet tall or 16 feet tall, but the tip of the Giza pyramid is actually cut off. There’s no tip. It’s missing. So I was like, ‘I want to have a missing tip on here, too.’ Because I copied the exact 57.1 degrees that the Giza pyramid is. Obviously I don’t have two miniature pyramids next to it. But I have a little pyramid in my actual room, too. One that’s just like three feet tall.”

Obviously, skills like that shouldn't be lost to the abyss and Jaden has grand plans for his future. Not only is he going to swing by the MIT offices and set their shit straight regarding what's hot and what's not, but when he's 25 he'll probably attend around 14 schools at the same time.

“I’ll go to college. I want to set up offices at MIT just so I can learn and bring in new technologies into the world. Definitely sit in on lectures in college. I’ve done that already. Like, go sit in that, you know, USC, UCLA, MIT, you know, anything I can get my hands on. What do you think?

I’ll go to open schools, eventually, when I’m like 25 or something. Multiple schools. At the same time, around the world. So, like, two in the United States, two in Europe, two in China, India, Russia, Africa, all at the same time.”

And then, just like Banksy, POOF! He's gone.
“No one will know where I am in ten years. They’ll see me pop up, but they’ll be like, ‘Where’d you come from?’ No one will know. No one will know where I’m at. No one will know who I’m with. No one will know what I’m doing. I’ve been planning that since I was like 13. It’ll be kind of like Banksy. But in a different way. More of a social impact. Helping people. But through art installations. It’ll be like, ‘This just happened that helped a bunch of people over here. We don’t know who did it, but these symbols and things were left around, so we can only guess that it’s Jaden and the squad.’ You know what I’m saying? So I’m just dedicating my whole life to helping the world.”

As Dlisted aptly summarized, Scientology must be 'a hellufafucking drug.'

Sources: GQ, Dlisted, Giphy


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