Here are 10 reactions that are bound to fill up your news feed in December when The Force Awakens is finally released!
"I GOT TO SEE THE MOVIE EARLY AND IT WAS AWESOME!!!"
The first of the press is without a doubt going to be overwhelmingly positive, mostly because every single internet writer that scored themself an advanced screening is going to HAVE to declare the movie awesome in order to rack up the jealousy of their fellow writers. Also, everybody is so desperate for a new good Star Wars movie that it will feel like eating food for the first time in 20 years.
In addition, every single one of your Facebook friends that see it opening night is going to declare that it's amazing just because they have to let you know that they got a ticket to one of the first showings. Nobody is going to say "Just saw the new Star Wars and holy shit it was alright!!"
"It was good, but it wasn't better than the originals."
Seriously? The new 2015 sequel to the greatest film series of all-time is not as beloved to you as the original movie that you watched 5700 times when you were an eight-year-old who loved everything? That for sure seems worth pointing out.
"I DON'T CARE WHAT THE HATERS SAY, I AM GIDDY!!!"
This person is under the misguided impression that liking Star Wars is somehow a quirky odd opinion that's unique to them, and they have to keep defending their love of it on Facebook even though literally everyone likes Star Wars and no one's blaming anyone for being excited about the new film.
The person that says this has the misguided impression that liking Star Wars is an odd opinion that is somehow unique to them and they have to keep defending their love of it on Facebook even though everybody on the face of the earth loves it and nobody is blaming anyone for being excited.
The Viral Negative Review...
There are bound to be at least one review of Star Wars that will have an overly-dramatic title like "Why The New Star Wars Sucks and If You Like It Then You're an Idiot" is going to go viral, shared equally by people who actually didn't like the movie, people who did like the movie and disagree with the review, and the people on Facebook saying "I actually liked the movie but this review is pretty funny."
The review will point out some legitimate potholes and a bunch of minor mistakes that you could point out in almost any big fun action movie, and will include lots of swearing. This WILL happen.
Think Pieces About Very Minor things In The Film
People rail against "think pieces" a lot, obviously there are a lot of dumb ones though, but the thought of using major pop-culture event as a jump-start to discuss some deeper underlying societal problems isn't totally misguided, and often they are well-written and sometimes complimentary towards the film.
With an event as huge as Star Wars, you KNOW that it is going to over run all of the conversation. There is going to be hundreds of thousands of think pieces about the film-- some positive, some negative, some almost entirely unrelated to anything the movie touches on-- no matter what is actually in the film. Some may make interesting points, but a majority of them are probably going to suck. Either way, it is going to be a major event that is going to fill up our news feeds until mid-February.
"I HAVEN'T SEEN IT AND I DON'T CARE!! YA HEAR ME?"
That's right! I haven't seen Star Wars and I really don't care. And guess what? I haven't seen ANY of the Star Wars movies!!! Yeah, that's right!! Can you believe it?! I have willingly deprived myself of glancing at a cultural milestone that brings joy to people, and I am apparently proud of this!! And on top of it all, i am going to keep declaring this to show you how much I truly don't care!!
"IT'S JUST A BIG BS CASH GRAB AND EVERYTHING JUST SUCKS NOW BUT IT USED TO BE GOOD."
Wow, remember when movies were actually good? Today everything is all about the box office numbers and the viral marketing and the product placement and it is a bunch of bull that is honestly not enjoyable at all. Wait, you thought it was "fun"? Just another cog in the machine, dude.
I miss the real movies like Jurassic Park and Jaws and the original Star Wars. Those movies had no marketing and really didn't attempt to actually make money and probably lost a lot. They were just all around good movies.
"Eh, at least it wasn't the prequels."
It was not the best movie of all time, but it was better than that movie where the teen goes "I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and gets everywhere."Congratulations J.J Abrams on clearing the absolute lowest bar imaginable!
"I'M SICK AND TIRED OF EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT STAR WARS!!"
Sush already!!! I never would have thought that Star Wars would be discussed about all over the internet! Stop posting about it!!! What the world needs is this post by me complaining about all of the posts!!!
"It was pretty good."
This is probably going to end up being the most accurate reaction but god help you if you don't have a more interesting opinion.
Weather people like it or not, Star Wars is bound to be a box office hit just because its Star Wars!
Are you going to see one of the first showings in December? What reaction will you have? Let me know in the comments!!