ByHeather Snowden, writer at
Lover of bad puns, nostalgic feels and all things Winona. Email: [email protected] Tweet: @heathbetweetin
Heather Snowden

Championing the N.P.P (No Parents Please) and hosting an outstanding garb-game, Clarissa Darling of '90s Nickelodeon fame is back with a vengeance, and this time she's got more than Ferg-face and her folks to complain about. In a new novel from the series creator Mitchell Kriegman entitled Things I Can't Explain, Clarissa is all grown up and talking sex, jobs and all things adult.

24 years after the first series aired in 1991, Clarissa now finds herself in New York living the dream as a digital journalist, but it seems that big-people shit is much harder to solve with a list than it was in her teenage years.

Those of you who watched the show will remember Clarissa's mother, Janet Darling, who it seems is now a millionaire thanks to making glue out of tofu, and her lil brother Ferguson is in jail (great sub-plots!). Of course, you'll also remember Sam, her friend that was always scooting up a ladder to her bedroom window, Dawson's Creek style...

Well, it seems post high school their relationship got a little more intense and Clarissa is still trying to deal with the aftermath. They had sex, guys!

Here's a little excerpt from the book;

Anyway, after that disturbing knee bump under the table in New York, I felt awkward when I saw Sam at the reunion. For the whole party, I couldn't stop looking at his mouth when he talked. Don't ask me why, it was totally sexing me out. Like I was noticing for the first time how his lips formed words and it made my knees weak.

Our bone marrow-deep friendship had morphed. I knew it, he knew it, and as soon as we ran into Genelle, she knew it. She threw herself at him as if they were long-lost lovers, and Sam looked so uncomfortable I felt sorry for him. Genelle escalated her efforts while getting plastered out of her gourd. All she got out of Sam was a polite, "Good thing this is your party, be-cause you're way too wasted to drive home." Then Sam startled me by grabbing my hand and giving me a look with those warm brown eyes of his and said, "Let's get out of here..." The heat from his hand made my whole body warm. Why hadn't we ever held hands like that before? He certainly didn't have to ask me twice and the confidence in his voice put any doubts out of my mind. After all, he's the cautious one between us.

Made her whole body warm, ey? That be some juicy gossip right there! Don't know about you but I'm running out to buy my copy pronto.

It's been quite some time since Clarissa Explains It All last aired, although I'm sure some of you are reliving its glory via Nickelodeon's new channel The Splat. But for those of you whose memories need jogging, here's a little reminder along with some updated images, which will be much needed for this new naughty novel.

Clarissa Darling - Melissa Joan Hart

Ferguson Darling - Jason Zimbler

Janet Darling - Elizabeth Hess

Marshall Darling - Joe O'Connor

Sam Anders - Sean O'Neal

Source: Cosmopolitan, Youtube


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