ByKit Simpson Browne, writer at
Writer-at-large. Bad jokes aplenty. Can be gently prodded on Twitter at @kitsb1
Kit Simpson Browne

Now, when it comes to the never-ending (and extremely hypothetical) battle between our favorite superheroes, there's long been an acceptance among most fans that whoever your favorite is...well, just that. When it comes right down to it, we can argue over who's stronger, or who has a cooler costume, but if you just really love Aquaman, who is anyone else to argue? That's the joy of comic books, and comic book adaptations - there really is a comic book hero out there for everyone.

As it turns out, though, nobody bothered to Cc Batman into that particular memo. Y'see:

Original Movie Batman Michael Keaton Just Came Out and Seriously Slammed Spider-Man

Specifically, while appearing on The Tonight Show last night, Keaton decided to tell host Jimmy Fallon a story about going to a store to get his iPhone fixed (even Batmen, it seems, suffers cracked screens), and being annoyed upon arrival by the store clerk being more interested in watching one of the Amazing Spider-Man movies on a big screen TV than in serving his new customer.

Though concerned about the clerk recognizing him, Keaton found himself being treated like just another mildly ignored customer, and so opted to...just start watching the movie, too.

Which is where things got...interesting.

Upon the arrival of a particularly emotional scene, in which Andrew Garfield's Peter Parker starts to cry, Keaton turned to the clerk and asked:

"This is Spider-Man, is he crying?"

To which the clerk replied:


Keaton's response?


To which, upon seeing the clerk's startled reaction, he added:

"Batman would never cry."

Or, in other words?

Michael Keaton Doesn't Think Batman Would Ever Cry, and That Spider-Man Is Somehow Weak for Doing So

Which, on the one hand, he has absolutely every right to think. He is, after all, a grown ass person, who can have whatsoever opinion he so chooses. What's more, he's a funny dude, so there's a pretty good chance he's simply putting on a comedically curmudgeonly and old-fashioned persona to get a laugh.

On the other hand, though, there are two key issues with Keaton's point:

1. There's Absolutely Nothing Wrong With Crying

Now, I'm not going to go into all the reasons why expressing your emotions through crying is a perfectly reasonable thing to do—especially if you're as fundamentally traumatized as the average superhero is—but suffice to say there's a whole lot of evidence that it's both psychologically and generally medically healthy to let yourself well up every once in a while.

Using the term 'pussy' as a derogatory term, on the other hand, holds absolutely no health benefits, and tends to make people think you're kind of a dick (or living in the 1970s).

The even bigger point from a comic book perspective, though?

2. Batman Totally Does Cry

In fact, Batman—in keeping with the fact that he really hasn't gotten over his parents deaths yet —cries relatively often, both with the cowl on and off:

In fact, back in the day, he and Superman were once moved to tears by the sight of alien space slugs having sex and then dying.

Because, sure, Batman's a ridiculously tough crime-fighter suffering from severe emotional trauma, but that doesn't mean he sees crying as being an inappropriate response to either sadness or joy.

Which means, sadly, I'm forced to disagree with Michael Keaton completely on this one - though, considering his other recent comments about being able to kick anyone's ass, I may well live to regret that...

What do you reckon, though?



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