~Dear Mr. Keanu Reeves Online,
I am truly touched by your vulnerability and transparency about who you are. I chose to be an actor from a very young age and strived to get to the place where I am now (Directing, Producing, Acting in staged plays with my theatre comapany Rude Monkey Theatre Group, that I purchase rights to, as well as working consistently as a Background Actor and Stand-IN on TV/FILMS such as Orange Is the New Black, Blindspot, Mr. Robot, The Affair, The Mysteries of Laura, Gotham, Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, The Leftovers, Billions, The Family, The Normal Heart just to name a few). I, too, watched my father get cremated at 7 years of age. I just lost my mother to cancer after she was diagnosed with Stage 4 Uterine Sarcoma in 2009. She passed 2 days after my 35th birthday (11/18/2015 at 5:45 pm PST). I was in the green room of the theatre space that I rented (Producers Club Theaters) and was FaceTiming with my brothers up until my mother's dying breath as she was pronounced dead at 5:45 PM PST. I saw her gasping for air and she told us that she wanted to be DNR #DoNotResuscitate so the doctors couldn't attend to her, even if they wanted to. She is now at peace and no longer suffering in pain, and for that I am grateful.
I was sexually abused from the age of 11-13 by someone my mother trusted. He has since been deported to his home country. I have remained single w/ no children at 35 years of age because I want to be able to travel the world (27 countries so far in 5 continents) live in different parts of the world (Chile, Uganda, France, The Philippines), help others (Mission trips to Uganda and part of the board of directors for various organizations like Corazon de Vida Foundation and The Jayna Troxel Murray Foundation, spread love where it is needed (I'm part of a group called Don't Walk By which is a rescue mission and homeless outreach in NYC), volunteer many of my Saturday mornings at The Father's Heart Ministries in the LES since 2009, as well as an active member and volunteer as part of the Kidstuf Ministries at Forefront Manhattan church and babysit my pastor's Ryan Phipps and Jonathan Williams' children, Elise and Alec and Asha and Leila. I am also an *Ordained Minister and have officiated the wedding of my dear friends, Timothy Leetrakul and Christine R. Leetrakul and quite possibly going to officiate my own mother's Memorial Services. I have also been asked by friends like Bara Šiba to baptize their beautiful children, as well as officiate same sex marriages of dear friends like Yuan Lin and Kenny Ricci.
I am writing all this not to brag but to exemplify, as you mentioned, that life is worth living even in the face of atrocious occurrences and tragedies that we are put in. It is up to US to choose how we view the world. We can either look at it through rose-colored lenses as advised by the late Edith Piaf or in a negative lens. I continue to struggle and make mistakes but I've learned that forgiveness of self and those people who have transgressed throughout my life are all suffering and trying to avoid suffering the best way they know how. I've chosen to eliminate things like alcohol in my current stage in life because I know that it contributes NEGATIVELY to my well-being and mindfulness of others around me.
Also, I commend you for your work and your career and truly feel where you are in the world and your contribution to it. Mr. River Phoenix was a great loss to the world, I could only imagine how you must've felt when you learned of his overdose. I feel you. I am also sorry that you had to go through the loss of a child and underwent a terrible loss with your relationship with Jennifer and her death. NO one should ever have to go through things like that. Although, I absolutely think it's necessary to go through things like that in order to realize that life IS beautiful and tragic all at once, and that's ok. It's truly ok because there is a higher power out there that knows true suffering. We can call him God, Allah, Buddha, Jehovah, Dieu, Dios, Krishna, Abba or Alien. Whoever and whatever that power is, I personally am cultivating a relationship with "IT" in order to feel ok. That everything will be ok and that worries, fears, loose ends and anxieties are temporary. As are we.
We are all but mere "dust in the wind." -Kansas Band
****My current coping mechanisms are MUSIC(vocal & instrumental), Theatre, Dance, Visual arts, and LOVE. Hope. TRUST and having something to do (arrange my mother's memorial service and allocation of her remains, someone to love Howard Lockser, and something to look forward to (Thanksgiving dinner, reuniting with family and friends, pending engagement, wedding, children, grand-children, great grand children and a trip to the Philippines next year to spread the ashes of my late mother)******
A thousand thank you's for inspiring me to go on.