BySam Plank, writer at
"You have to be what you are. Whatever you are, you gotta be it." -Johnny Cash. Tweet a tweeter at my twitty twitter, @tw1tterintw1t
Sam Plank

One rule for movies in this day and age is, if there is a good guy or a bad guy, that has a weapon has to be so awesome, so badass, that it actually gets its own wikipedia page, only then are the moviemakers doing something right. The weapon will have a name (typically named after a female, like a hurricane), and pretty much take on a life of its own. There will be memes made in its honor. There will be kids dressed up as the wielder for every Halloween from now until the end of days, holding a cheap plastic version of the weapon (or a replica... depends on how cool/crazy the parents are). It could belong to a good guy, used only as protection. Or, it could be owned by a bad dude, and used to inflict pain and horror on not only its victims, but also the moviegoer or reader.

Here are some of the most famous weapons in the history of books and movies; they're non-nuclear, non-laser blasting, and all around non-fancy shmancy. They can be multiple deadly weapons all merged into one glorious weapon, or just a stick used really, really well, with good old twisted ingenuity.

11. Lucille - The Walking Dead

Never has a baseball bat been so talked about, ever. It helps that Negan, the big bad bad guy from The Walking Dead comics wrapped it in barbed wire and used to bludgeon a pizza delivery boy to death. The collective internet world even refers to the bat as “she". Negan makes the main characters of the show, including Rick and his son Carl, hold Lucille while he tends to other duties, like burning the faces off of those who have crossed him with a fiery hot iron. He talks to Lucille as if the barbed wire wrapped piece of wood is actually a person, asking her questions. He also gets mad at Carl, and tries to sentence him to death after Carl actually shoots the bat, damaging it. Negan, at one point in the comics, even “upgrades” Lucille, rubbing her in walker guts so it will infect and kill whoever its next victim is.

10. 2x4 - Walking Tall

The Rock has never really needed weapons in his movies, just his two guns, righty and lefty. I mean, even in The Rundown, his character hated guns so much that it took being shot at by multiple bad guys for him to finally give in and shoot back. But in Walking Tall, his weapon of choice was this piece of lumber. It's kind of perfect, if you think about it; it's sturdy, it breaks jaws and leaves splinters, and there are plenty more where that one came from, if that one happens to bust over a bad guy's head. Plus, it's easy to throw through, say, a corrupt casino owners window way, way up high! And the fact that he can throw it in the back of his truck when he's done whipping butt with it adds a bit of cool to it.

9. Indy's Whip - Indiana Jones

No, don't start doing that "whip whip nae nae stanky leg" song, please! This is probably one of the most simple, yet effective, memorable weapon in cinematic history. Need to snap a gun out of a Nazi's hand? Need to swing across boiling hot magma? The whip is for you! Even Indiana Jones said to never leave the whip at home. He even has a permanent scar to remind just how brutal the whip can be, when he tried to ward off a lion in a circus train with the trainer's whip. Here's an interesting bit movie fact that you may not have realized, too. Indy didn't always have his whip! I always just assumed he did, but apparently he didn't always carry it with him. It wasn't until he discovered how immensely useful it was that he had it on him during all his expeditions.

8. Freddy's Glove - Nightmare on Elm Street

Not only can this glove disembowel everything that walks, it can drive a room of people insane just by being dragged down a chalkboard. Designed straight out of the mind of Freddy Krueger, the glove may have been redesigned multiple times throughout the many Nightmare on Elm Street films, but it still served its purpose, to taunt victims by scraping on pipes, and then to skewer them. No other glove in the history of gloves has so many websites devoted to showing you how to make your own, so it has to be on this list. Plus, its first appearance was in the same movie as Johnny Depp's first appearance! Coincidence? Probably. Also, cool fact - Wes Craven drew the inspiration for Freddy's glove from his own fear of cat claws and those yawn-inducing infomercials trying to sell you sets of knives. It turns out that the glove was also dangerous to the wearer, Robert Englund cut himself with earlier versions of the glove until the design was perfected. That would have been one crappy way to end the movie... A Nightmare on Elm Street: Freddy Offs Himself!

7. Cricket Bat - Shaun of the Dead

Shaun from Shaun of the Dead, being from somewhere in England, would of course pick a cricket bat to use to defend himself against the undead. This is the second zombie-related entry, and for good reason; sometimes, you just have to use what you have to kill some walkers. The cricket bat is sturdy like The Rock's 2x4, plus it has a convenient handle. It was just a plain old cricket bat too... apparently the producers didn't feel like promoting any certain professional cricket team.

6. Everything!

Jackie Chan is the master of everything-fu. Whether it's a bench in Karate Kid, a bicycle and laundry hanging drying pole thing in Project A and chili peppers in Project A 2, or all sorts of fun stuff in Who Am I (that earring scene though... ouch!), if it's there, and Jackie can use it to defend himself, he will! That's what makes Jackie's movies so fun, you never know what he's going to kick some butt with!

5. Frying Pan - Tangled/Kill Bill/Lord of the Rings

Ah, the good ole frying pan. Perfect for cooking, sautéing, and beating the crap out of good and bad guys alike. Rapunzel whacked Flynn Rider, Flynn whacked the palace guards (and almost a horse), and a big burly dude whacked a guard in Tangled. Kiddo defends herself against Vernita Green and her paring knife of doom in Kill Bill. Even Samwise Gamgee uses a pan as a weapon in Balin's Tomb. Imagine getting your bell rung with a cast iron skillet? Man!

4. Vise - Casino

Watching him in Home Alone and Lethal Weapon (one through twenty), one would think Joe Pesci could really do the things he did in Casino. But when Nicky Santoro really, REALLY wants info from some guy, he gets it. If he has to squish his head in a vise until his skull breaks open and his eyes pop out, then so be it. Torture devices... this list could be infinite if we were to talk about all of them through history, but in movie history, the head-squishing vise scene is worthy of a mention. Be careful if you look for the scene from the movie on google... it's a little disturbing, to say the least.

3. Writing Utensils - The Dark Knight/The Bourne Identity

The Dark Knight was a nonstop train ride of awesomeness, and the scene where Joker kills the mob guy with a pencil is no exception. He does it in the Joker's signature sick twisted way, with a magic trick that no clown has ever (hopefully) done at a kid's birthday party.

In The Bourne Identity, Jason Bourne was running out of weapons to fight with against the dude with the little knife, so he grabs a Bic from the table behind him, and sticks that sucker in the guy's hand like a freaking IV. Brutal! What's even more brutal is how the baddie pulls it out like it's not a thang. Not a thang at all.

2. Bow and Arrow - Gremlins

Robin Hood? Who's that? This one is about none other than Gizmo, of Gremlins fame. The little guy goes Rambo on his wicked step-kids in one scene, making a bow out of rather large paper clip and rubber band, and an arrow out of a pencil and bottle of whiteout. Is that enough? No way! He lights the bottle on fire and shoots Mohawk, setting him and his web on fire, with the heroic music in the background and everything. A pure cinematic masterpiece! For all the deer hunters out there; good luck trying to shoot that next deer without getting that mental image in your head!

1. Arm Chainsaw - Evil Dead II

What better place for Ash than no. 1! Anytime the main character's hand gets possessed by a demon, nothing but great things happen, right? Just look at Idle Hands. Devon Sawa, where did you go? Ash, in Evil Dead II, gets momentarily possessed and becomes a deadite, but is saved by the rising sun, only to find himself back in the cabin again later, battling more evil stuff. His right hand becomes possessed, so what's a guy to do? Chop it off with a chainsaw, of course! He attaches it to his handless arm, and proceeds to kick butt all the way back to 1300 A.D.


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