ByJake Cook, writer at
I love movies and superheroes and sometimes I make funny videos about them
Jake Cook

Please enjoy the video. I've also attached a copy of the script below:

There once was a secret agent called Bond

Of whom many were not very fond

Coz he’d always spoil their plot

So they try to kill him a lot

But he’d always mange to abscond

Dr No was the first to have an evil scheme

To build an atomic powered radio beam

When it’s reach full charge

He’ll use it for sabotage

So as Spectre can reign supreme

So Bond gets sent in to save the day

And just before he blows the base away

He gave a henchman his six

No got his radiation fix

And Bond still found time for a quick lay

But that’s not the last we hear from Spectre

Who want to steal a Russian decoding lector

To avoid heat from the Soviets

They manipulate the Brits

Into smuggling it out with a defector

But Bond manages to save the day

Blows several of their assassins away

Throws a henchman off a train

Puts number 3 in a world of pain

Then he and the defector have a quick lay

Now it’s Goldfinger’s time to shine

He’s a genius when it comes to crime

To increase his golds worth

He’ll turn fort Knox to scorched earth

In a heist that will be the greatest of all time

Until Bond shows up to save the day

And stops them from blowing fort Knox away

He causes a henchman to fry

Proves that Goldfinger can’t fly

Instead of being rescued, he has a quick lay

Years later we see Bond kill a spectre man

But they’re minds are on another plan

To steal some nuclear Bombs

Which they’ll use with no qualms

Unless the world meets their demands

So it again falls to Bond to save the day

He stops the world from getting blown away

There’s a big battle underwater

Bad guy is killed by is adoptive daughter

But I’m not sure if her and Bond had time for a lay

Eventually Spectre gives things another try

This time hijacking space shuttles out of the sky

It’s part of a their plot

To turn the cold war hot

So that Russia and America will let their nukes fly

So a long comes Bond to save the day

He blows the ship and the base a way

Meets the man behind the crime

But Blofeld gets away just in time

And Bond is interrupted so can’t have a lay

Now Blofeld comes up with a new evil plan

To Brainwash a bunch of wealthy women

Into releasing chemical agents

Unless he receives payments

His villainy has certainly been proven

So of cause Bond is sent to save the day

And he blows Blofeld’s base away

He manages save the women

Blofeld escapes once again

And kills Bonds wife so he can’t have a lay

So Blofeld comes back for one last fight

Builds a laser posing as some guy called Whyte

He’s gonna hold the world hostage

And threaten to cause carnage

These plans seem to give him a weird delight

Obviously Bond is the one who saves the day

He blows the lair and the space laser away

This time Blofeld may have been killed

Which would make bond pretty thrilled

So much so that he has another quick lay

Now that Blofeld and Spectre are finally Done

A guy called Kananga wants to have some fun

No plans for world domination

Just a Drug smuggling operation

He’s pretty evil, but no one cares a whole tonne

But Bond still gets sent to save the day

And he blows the heroine factory away

Blows up the bad guy like a balloon

As if they’re in some weird cartoon

And of cause he manages to have a lay

Next is the man with the golden gun

Who plans to harness the energy of the sun

He’ll sell his invention to the highest bidder

So that he can retire from being a killer

And still go out being assassin number one

But Bond turns up to ruin his day

And blows his island base away

Steals back the device

Puts the bad guy on ice

And has sex with some girl from the CIA

The Next Bad Guy to step on the scene

Has been stealing nuclear submarines

He’s gonna commit mass slaughter

To force the world to live underwater

So he can be with all the shrimp and sardines

Strange thing, the next guy had the same plan

In fact he even has the same Henchman

Except his secret base

Will be up in space

And he’ll use gas to poison the humans

Both times Bond gets sent to save the day

Both times he blows the hidden lairs away

Both Bad Guys die

He waves Jaws Goodbye

Both times he and an agent have a quick lay

The next bad guy wants to steal a british targeting system

To sell it to the Russians to increase his criminal income

He sinks a british battle ship

Has the device within his grip

Unfortunately, He messed with MI6 of Britain

They send in Bond to save there day

Brakes the device when he throws it away

Bad Guy get’s knifed in the back

After Bond leads an attack

And he still finds time for that quick lay

Next we meet Octopussy on her floating lair

Who remains completely and totally unaware

That Some Rogue Russian Military

Use her to smuggle nuclear artillery

To commit secret acts of criminal warfare

But once again Bond turns up to save the day

They stop an American base from being blond away

One bad guy runs, the other tries to fly

But both escapes fail and they die

While Bond and Octopussy have one last lay

Some guy called Zorin steals Goldfinger’s shtick

With the improve his worth by destroying things trick

This time with chips and a flood

This guy has no issue spilling blood

Something that will come back to bite the little prick

‘Cause, although Bond is the one sent to save the day

Its actually thanks to henchwoman being blown away

That Zorin’s plan doesn’t succeed

But Bond does kill him for his deed

And then has time for just a quick celebratory lay

Next is another Soviet Russian Dude

But the soviets are who he wants to allude

He’s been embezzling funds

To Buy and Sell weapons

Or was it drugs? Either way his plans pretty lewd

You know the drill, Bond saves the day

Blows all of the drugs or weapons away

He kills the weapons dealer

Soviets arrest the embezzler

And once again he manages to have a lay

The next mission gets a little more personal

Bond’s friend is almost killed, so he gets emotional

He goes rogue to track down the killer

Who is a wealthy columbian drug dealer

To whom Bond is not going to be merciful

He teams up with a woman from the CIA

And they Blow his drug shipments away

He and Bond have their final fight

And he sets the bastard a light

Then he and the agent have a quick lay

The next person who commits acts of villainy

Is an ex-agent who Bond shares some history

He hijacks a Russian satellite

So he can set some banks alight

All so he can cover up a million dollar robbery

But Bond ruins 006’s day

He blows the Russian satellite away

Squeezes the life from Onattop

Give the Bay Guy a pretty big drop

Then, what do you know, he has a lay

Then rises some evil media tycoon

Who will prove that he is no bafoon

To secure Chinese screening rights

He’ll make them and England fight

Which will somehow inspire a political coo

Bond and a Chinese anent get sent to save the day

Together they blow the bad guys plans away

Bad guy gets shredded

Nuclear War is adverted

And together they find time for yet another quick lay

Next is and Evil Bond girl and her Boyfriend

And this one is about increasing wealth again

This time the resource is oil

The competitions they’ll spoil

By bombing their pipes with nukes to no end

Luckily Bond is there to save they day

He blows the bomb and the plans away

He kills both villains

Potentially save millions

And has himself a nice Christmas lay

The next bad guy use to be asian

Until surgery turned him caucasian

He also build a satellite laser in space

So that he can bomb an american base

And make way for a North Korean invasion

Now Guess who was sent to save the day

To kill the bad guy and blow his plans away

That’s right, it was Halle Berry

Bond was there too, so don’t worry

It wouldn’t be Halle without someone to lay

Le Chiffre is the next Bond bad guy

Who’s plans for wealth go awry

‘Cause bond blew them away

Now together they’ll have to play

A poker game where the loser will die

Of cause Bond wins the game and saves the day

Le Chiffre isn’t happy, but he gets killed anyway

Bond recovers from the torture

Discovers his girl his a traitor

Who kills herself and takes his chance of a lay

Bond wants to find the one who blackmailed her

So he has to investigate this Greene character

He works for some secret organisation

And has a plan for resource domination

So Bond gets to kill two birds on this adventure

He pretty much accidentally saves the day

And blows some weird bad guy hotel away

With the acquired information

He finds some guys location

And has him arrested for ruining his lay

Now comes a new kind of threat

And he and M have already met

He planned for his capture

So that he could kill her

And settle his revenge debt

But Bond comes back to save the day

But his family home gets blown away

Thought he does kill the bad guy

M does still actually die

But they get a new bloke, so it’s okay

Which Brings us to spectre

Which had a pretty good trailer

So I haven’t seen it yet

But I think you can bet

It’ll be a standard Bond adventure

Bond will get sent in to save the day

Something will probably get blown away

He’ll kill henchmen a lot

Ruin the Bad guys plot

And might even find time for a quick lay


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