ByJames Wood, writer at
Unabashed Transformers fan. Man crush on Tom Hardy. Avid fan of Tommy Wiseau's cult disasterpiece The Room.
James Wood

Critics need to lighten up, Machete Kills sports the 3 g's and the 3 s': Girls, guns and gore. Story, substance and style. This sequel sees Machete Cortez take on Luther Voz, a notorious weapons dealer who as Michelle Rodriguez' Luz puts it, "has a missile aimed right up our asses".

My only criticism of this movie is that it didn't need to be almost two hours. However, this is one absolutely eye-popping, balls out insane movie, it's gloriously bloody and big on laughs just like the first movie, although this sequel excels in terms of introducing new characters, the relentless killing of keys characters and the boatload of smart, sexy women. Sofia Vergara is wonderful as Desdemona, a "man-eater" as she puts it who goes on a revenge rampage alongside the heavenly sexy Alexa Vega starring as Killjoy, after one of their own is killed. I will never look at Modern Family's Vergara the same way again after watching this movie but that's a good thing, as she puts on her Double D-plated guns and her rocket firing penis-pistol and screams after Machete. I thought Lady Gaga's debut was excellent, she comes across as a genuinely unstable killer, and her acting style is very Tarantino and I hope she has future roles cause she certainly kicked ass and convinced.

The gore and intestinal removal madness is back and as fun as ever, Machete's inventive kills include helicopter blade slashing, literal turning bodies inside out and so much more madness, you won't believe your eyes. The trailer for Machete Kills Again...In Space is pure genius, echoing days of Moonraker alongside many Star Wars references. Michelle Rodriguez makes a welcome return and loses her second eye but still fights for Mexico! Amber Heard delivers one of her career best as Miss San Antonio, a feisty and forward agent working with Machete, but the best moment for Heard is the standoff between her and Rodriguez, it's a violent and bone crunching climax that hits hard.

Mel Gibson absolutely kills it as Voz, it is his funniest role and the way he is all playful as the antagonist is so funny against the backdrop of bone-splattering violence. Then there's Carlos Estevez, or as most of you know as Charlie Sheen, using his real name as President Rathcock, a foul-mouth say it as it is leader who hires Machete, Sheen is as entertaining as ever, and no one could've played this comedic part any better.

Would I watch it again? Absolutely, this movie is a blast thanks to Robert Rodriguez' amazing style and solid direction, the unbelievable cast all of whom are perfect and the nutty nature that takes place from the cartoonish-ly bloody violence, Gaga's awesome debut, super sexy women (especially Vergara and Vega) and the relentless onslaught of hilarious gags.


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