Byglaeken molasar, writer at
glaeken molasar

Boris is in the house. House is a building. Building is Zdanie in Soviet language.

Here is my Non-spoiler review of Spectre:

It's Shit!

Here is my Spoiler review. If you a coward, as I expect you to be, you will not read it.

Part 1.

Movie opens in Mexico. It's the country. Right in the middle of celebration of the Day of the Dead we meet Bond, an English KGB Agent, in a boring tracking shot.

He is with beautiful woman but like a real Coward he doesn't intercourse with her, he runs away to sneak on bunch of men. I disapprove such behavior. They speak in Enemy language.

We don't need to know what they are saying exactly because they are enemies and whatever they say is plot against the Motherland. Bond shoots at bomb and building (Zdanie in Soviet Language) collapses. But like a real Soviet Soldier he survives it without a scratch. But only like, not completely.

While enemy that survived the explosion tries to run away, Bond chases him by walking. Enemy Helicopter lands to pick up the surviving enemy. Bond jumps on a Helicopter as it goes up in the air.

He kills the bad guy he chased and takes his ring (it is not a metaphor for sex!!!), then helicopter pilot starts spinning the vehicle round-round like a record, baby.

Bond almost falls because his grip is not as strong as Soviet KGB agent's. But he manages to kill the pilot and take over the control.

In his weak English hands he holds the Ring with Octopus symbol. Octopus has word pussy in it. Pussy is a weakness. Ring is a methaphor for pussy. It is a double undermeaning for weakness. Weakness is what this movie's plot suffers of.

Bond drives the Helicopter Into a Boring song performed by the man that makes Adele sound like a Soviet Man in comparison.

Part 2.

it's Boring, we skip it.

Part 3.

Bond watches the record that previous M, that died in better film Skyfall, left him. In the video she gives him a mission, "Kill the guy and go to his funeral". Well he did kill the guy in Mexico and he goes to his Funeral in Rome.

As funeral proceeds, Bond notices a man he knows but he never tells you because writers don't want you know the connection until the certain point, because they think you're idiot and won't notice it.

There is is also a beautiful woman played by Soviet Actress -Monica Belluchi. She is older than ladies you, weak men, usually stroking the piton on but she is good. Oh, she is also a wife of a man that Bond killed in Mexico. Like a real man, Bond offers his sexual services to her. I approve it. Like one famous Soviet Hero said once:

Defeat your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the Lamentations of their women.

she tells Bond where the secret organization has a group therapy. Bond zips his pants and goes to the meeting.

to be continued ....


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