(Note - the following contains ABSOLUTELY NO SPOILERS FOR STAR WARS EPISODE VII: THE FORCE AWAKENS. Trust me on this one...)
So, here's the thing. I've seen Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, and yet I'm not here to to talk about its plot, its twists and turns, or what I thought about it. Sure, I used up a decade's worth of luck, and got to see it a day or two early, but here's the thing – if someone had tried to tell me a single, remotely spoiler-ish thing about the movie before I had the chance to see it, I would have thrown bantha droppings at them until they stopped.
So I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to review the movie, or tease plot details, or hint at subtle things to look out for. What I am going to do, though, is talk about...
The One (and Only) Thing You Need to Know Going Into 'Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens'