(Warning: major Spoilers ahead)
If you were like anybody else in this world who wasn't ether deployed or dead chances are you were sitting in a theater in the last few days watching Star Wars The Force Awakens. If you weren't please leave your cave, return to the world that matters and watch the film that is making huge waves across our planet.
Let me know when you do. I'll wait..........
The new movie was amazing both visually and story wise. I was sitting in that AMC Theater with my wife only I was six years old again watching Empire for the very first time. Just sitting back and dreaming someones elses dreams. And after watching the film 3 times I'm sorry to admit the honeymoon phase is over leaving a bit of a sour tease in my mouth.
Not like this one mind you. I could lick a sweaty wookies butt and not get the nasty taste of Jarr Jar and Episode one out. Like my inner child stayed the weekend at Neverland ranch kind of taste but that's niter here nor there. Anyway it was like having a thorn in my mind something that just couldn't be ignored. The New Star Wars film as good as it was had a few bugs here and there. More like hiccups really that are easily ignored but ever present. So I made a list in a little something I like to call Nitpicking moments in Star Wars The Force Awakens. I hope you enjoy it.
Flying without a Tie fighter Pliot gear on.
I know you're rolling your eyes right now but hear me out. The Tie Fighter is infamous for not having light speed, not having deflector shields and not having life support. That's why those poor tie fighter pilots have to wear all that stuff when they fly. Can you image playing Call Of Duty with all that crap on? You would like never win plus if you wear it for to long your wife up and leaves you..... True story. Anyway the Empire does that to ensure total commitment. Your base ship blows up in the middle of nowhere and your dead. Its a very Donald Trump way of motivating the troops. I know what your thinking "its been 30 years maybe they fixed that problem?" Just a quick peek at their toy line shows they haven't. And I don't think all that crap is ceremonial not if it will cost them the War.
Cap. Phasma was wasted.
(Really more of a rant then a nitpick.)
Gwendoline Christie is a remarkable actress and you never even get to see her face. Cap. Phasma was a joke. A glorified cameo. If you told me that Gwen was never really there and only did a voice over I would totally believe you. Because she was completely pointless in this film. I mean they could of gotten BB-8 to lower the shields. I thought she was meant to be some kind of bad ass but I guess the joke was on us.
The Lightsaber Inconsisentcy.
Was it just me or did Light sabers suck in this movie? Just seemed a little to convenient to the plot that Kylo Ren can cut into a Star Destroyers computer terminal and Han Solo but can't cut down trees or Finn for that mater. A friend of mine told me that Ren made it himself so it's an imperfect Light saber. But that's not true because Rey's saber "Darth Vader's saber" wasn't that Epic ether. I hope I don't have to tell you that in Empire those swords were cutting through everything. Walls, catwalk rails, Luke's hand. Everything. Those things were a weapon to be feared. Now they give laser burns like a dull razor.
Why does Kylo Ren have an accent?
Okay we all know almost everybody in Star Wars with the exception of the 'A Team' speaks with an accent. So where the Heck did Ben Solo aka. Kylo Ren get his? Okay, the guy is doing one hell of a job trying to hide it but its clearly not working. Its there. Like Mark Wilburn in Boogie Nights. Its staring you in the face and will not be ignored. And don't get me started on the whole age thing. I read Kylo Ren is in his late teens hence the temper tantrums. They had kids when they were clearly to old to pick them up. Might of added to the whole Dark side thing if you ask me.
Supreme Leader Snoke?!?
In some way you've gotta believe that most of J.J. Abrams choices made for this movie were based on a dare. And somewhere in some Bar in New Jersey there is some guy watching t.v. and going, "he did it. Guess I'm out ten bucks." Because this characters name is ridiculous. The first time I heard it my best friend was talking about it. And I thought he was talking about this guy from the movie Home.
Not in anyway knocking Home because their names were made to be ridiculous. It's fine family entertainment but I really wish you'd leave it out of my Star Wars.
Poe Dameron Bad A$$
Have you noticed that Star Wars has this thing that if a character is totally awesome they get like Zero lines. I wont mention any names but.....
All I'm saying is when you got one of the two new "heroes" trying to run for the hills it makes our superstar here look even greater. Duck tape wings on a bath tub and he can fly it and own. There is just not enough of him. Hopefully he'll have a bigger role next film.
Did Leia get Han killed?
Right after being hit with the news that Kylo Ren is Han and Leia's son our favorite smuggler accepts a ridiculous check your head mission. He has to brake into the enemy stronghold, save Rey from an interrogation room that pretty much everybody escapes from anyway then plant bombs to blow up an area easily the size of a small country. Alright that's a hard enough mission already without adding side quests to it. But yeah Leia chooses to lay it on him. On any mission there are three outcomes and here they are Dying,Living and Living comfortably . Living comfortably are the guys hitting rooms on their way off the Titanic. But sadly it most of the time doesn't help your odds of living. It's not like the kid was in any real danger. He would of just left probably hearing more tales on how his fathers a Bad a$$ maybe even making him rethink his pact with Supreme Lord Shmuk but I guess that's water under the bridge.
Is Luke Skywalker a selfish Jerk?
Master Yoda himself couldn't foresee if Luke's friends would die so it can be argued that Luke couldn't see Han's death at the hands of his son. But what about the billions of deaths from those worlds that were simply wiped out. Am I to assume that Luke had an Obi-Wan Alderaan moment. Felt all the deaths and said to himself, "Nah, Han and Leia's got this." How could he stay on his cozy island planet when billions were dying at the hands of the New Order? I have zero doubt that if Luke had of returned that Han would still be alive. It kinda comes off as if he let Solo die to me. Next movie they better have one Hell of a great explanation.
Anyway I had fun I hope you did too. As always if you have any questions or Answers to my nitpicks I would love to hear them and just one more time I loved the film just had a few nitpicks to get out and now I feel better. Thanks for reading.