I've already posted my list for my top 10 favorite movies of 2015, so now it's time for the other side of the coin. This is my list for the 10 worst movies of the year. As with my best list, I need to emphasize two important details. One, I didn't see every movie this year, so don't expect movies like "Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2" or "Jem and the Holograms" to be on this list. They probably deserve to be on here, but I didn't see them so I can't judge. Second, this is a subjective list. If you liked any of the movies on this list, it's not a big deal. Just understand that these are the 10 movies I personally hated for one reason or another, so don't view my thoughts as something that can affect your enjoyment of a certain movie. That being said, let's close out 2015 by talking about the shittiest movies it had to offer.
10. The Boy Next Door
Starting off this list is living proof that Hollywood has some weird obsession with, well, obsession movies. "The Boy Next Door" is the latest attempt at making this generation's version of "Fatal Attraction", yet it once again fails to understand what made that movie so affective. For one thing, it didn't have bad actors spouting poorly written, beat you over the head double entendres that are taken too seriously, nor was it a generic mess with every twist and turn seen coming from a mile away. This movie had all of that to offer as well as trying to make us believe Jennifer Lopez as an English teacher. This movie deserves a spot on this list for that reason alone.
9. The Gunman
Oh my God, this movie was fucking boring. In "The Gunman", you have Sean Penn playing an assassin coming out of retirement to take on Javier Bardem. With a director who knows not to take things too seriously, you could have a seriously entertaining popcorn flick. Instead, we have the director of "From Paris with Love" making a movie that has Bardem playing a cartoon character as a villain and Sean Penn engaging in one of the single most boring, uninvolved romances of any movie ever. This movie slowly trudges along with a bunch of uninteresting dialogue scenes between boring characters and when there's finally action, it's just the typical fast edit, quick cut "style" that everyone with taste is sick of at this point. This movie was nothing more than a paycheck for every actor involved, though I can think of several better ways to make money.
Here we have the movie that's based off of a TV show that wasn't even any good to begin with. I know fans of the "Entourage" show who actually liked this movie and to that I say good for you, so long as you're having an enjoyable movie-going experience. But for me, I was just turned off by this movie being not only a male version of "Sex and the City", but being a repetitive mess with no story or direction. The entire movie is just this: Vince bitches about how hard it is to direct a movie, him and his friends go partying, they meet a bunch of celebrities, and then the process repeats itself for an hour and a half. And as for the countless celebrity cameos, it's pretty damn sad that this movie actually has to rely on these cameos to keep the movie at least somewhat interesting. It was around the time this movie started shoving Ronda Rousey in our faces that I decided I was done with it.
7. Get Hard
What happens when you take a funny guy like Kevin Hart and put him in a comedy with an unfunny guy like Will Ferrell? You simply get one of the year's worst comedies. The only slightly decent thing about this movie was the ok chemistry between Hart and Ferrell, but the two of them just isn't enough to save this movie from stupid slapstick jokes as well as repetitious gags in which literally every other joke is some type of mention about how you get raped in prison. Ok, we get it, people get jail-raped, you don't need to remind us every five seconds. Take these lazy jokes and have Will Ferrell acting stupid and loud for the 50th time in a row, you simply get a spot on the list for worst movies of the year. It's almost cheating whenever Will Ferrell movies come out since they're pretty much guaranteed a spot on my worst lists, but that's just how things work for me.
6. Taken 3
Ok, I thought that Olivier Megaton would no longer be allowed to direct after he butcher "Taken 2", but apparently there's someone in the world who actually though he would be a good choice to close off this trilogy. "Taken 3" is similar to "The Gunman" in that it's a generic action movie with predictable twists and poorly filmed action scenes, but this movie is worse simply because of how much of an insult it is to our intelligence. There are scenes in this movie where Liam Neeson ends up in a situation where he should've died, but the next scene just shows him perfectly fine and the movie thinks the audience is dumb enough to not even question it. Also, this movie doesn't even make it clear how Liam Neeson is suppose to be protecting his daughter. There's a part where he risks poisoning her, and there's even a part where he deliberately crashes a plane with her onboard. Father of the year right there. Oh, and Forest Whitaker is over there giving a monologue about bagels and how they apparently exonerate Liam Neeson from causing damage to property and killing a bunch of cops. Keep in mind that someone got paid to write this shit.
5. Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension
I won't lie, I honestly enjoy the first three "Paranormal Activity" movies. I think they're genuinely creepy and suspenseful and they make for a good watch on Halloween or when I'm home alone in the dark. Then "Paranormal Activity 4" came along and it sucked, "The Marked Ones" sucked even worse, and now we have "The Ghost Dimension", the worst in the series. This entire franchise has been built around the demon Toby and his involvement with Katie and Kristi, but we've officially reached the point where their story is a convoluted mess. Actually, scratch that. We already reached that point in "The Marked Ones". This movie just pulls random ideas and plot points out of its ass to keep things going, and it throws these ideas at us as cheaply as they throw the predictable jump scares. This movie officially ruins any suspense and mystery behind the story, and now I think it's time that we get official confirmation that this will be the last film in the series.
4. Fifty Shades of Grey
This movie is literally Twilight fan-fiction....need I say more? Ok, I'll say more, but it's only because I enjoy tearing into shitty movies. The first sign that this movie was going to be a disaster was that it was based off of the poorly written book that started out as the author writing down the parts in "Twilight" that made her lady parts tingle. Then some moron decided to publish said book, the same moron probably decided to make it into a movie and now we have out terrible excuse for a romance. It's not even a romance, though. It's just some rich asshole spanking some boring schoolgirl after he falls in love with her just five seconds after meeting her. The acting is dull and wooden, the BDSM scenes are awkward and embarrassing to watch, and the dialogue is exactly what you'd expect from a book that was written by a "Twilight" fangirl. Just look at this movie as simply "Twilight" without any vampires or werewolves. At least "Twilight" actually had some decent action scenes in some of the movies. This movie just has poorly filmed sex scenes that make it indistinguishable from a third grader filming his confused version of what sex between mommy and daddy looks like.
3. Hot Pursuit
As this list comes closer to its end, let's take a moment to acknowledge "Hot Pursuit", one of the most annoying movies I've ever sat through. You have Reese Witherspoon putting on a southern accent while escorting Sofia Vergara who's just being...Sofia Vergara. I'm not even kidding when I say this movie is 80% Sofia Vergara whining and whining and whining while occasionally popping in a joke about how short Reese Witherspoon is. And of course in typical clichéd comedy formula, the two of them start to bond over pointless stuff you don't care about. Not one single joke in this movie made me laugh or even slightly chuckle. This is the worst possible example of an unfunny, painful, awkward, and annoying comedy that desperately wants to be noticed, but you just toss it away with all of Adam Sander's recent comedies.
2. Fantastic Four
There have been several instances in the past of a movie production getting hindered by a studio and directing having creative differences. But I can't even begin to recall something like that being as bad as it was with "Fantastic Four", or "Fant4stic" as this movie calls itself. Behind the scenes of this movie, there were alleged reports of director Josh Trank coming to the set drunk or high while filming, but then you hear about how Fox apparently altered his movie beyond recognition and you start to wonder who's to blame for this movie being the shitpile that it is. As you're watching the first half of this movie, you just sit there and watch how boring it is, seeing talented young actors like Miles Teller and Michael B. Jordan fall victim to a failed script with dull dialogue, forced comic book references, and painful attempts at humor. Then the second half kicks in when the group gets their powers and this movie gets gradually worse with each passing second. There's no attempt to showcase the actual Fantastic Four group bonding or using their powers, instead it's just the same old dark and brooding vibe that has failed in most comic book movies not directed by Christopher Nolan. Then Dr. Doom shows up, the third act kicks in with an absolutely garbage finale, and then the movie rushes to and end, but you don't even notice because you're still busy laughing at how Dr. Doom looks like a crash test dummy who just snorted a bunch of glow stick liquid. I would tell you to avoid this movie at all costs, but given the abysmal box office numbers for this movie, it looks like most people were smart enough to ignore this mess.
1. Jupiter Ascending
This is it, this is the 2015 movie that failed in every single way. The Wachowskis are the two directors known for bringing us classic like "The Matrix"...and that's it. Everything that's not "The Matrix" in their filmography has been forgettable at best, but we've officially come to their worst movie to date and not only that, but the movie that convinces me that "The Matrix" might just have been a fluke and that a pair of untalented siblings known as the Wachowskis just got lucky once in the 90's. "Jupiter Ascending" in a nutshell is basically this: Imagine the shitty romance and boring politics of "Attack of the Clones" and mix it with the heavy exposition of "The Last Airbender". Not only do you have Mila Kunis getting wet over Channing Tatum playing wolf boy, but you also have a convoluted plot in which every little detail gets more and more confusing even though the movie is spoon-feeding you everything. The entire movie is just Mila Kunis walking around, pointing at something saying "What's that?" and then a character will go into a five minute long explanation of some boring, headache inducing part of their world. This movie also managed to make recent Oscar winner Eddie Redmayne look bad as the villain who sounds like a mixture of Lord Voldemort and a dying Yoda from "Return of the Jedi". But don't worry, he's not always whispering his dialogue, he also likes to randomly yell in the most over the top, laughably bad way possible. I honestly can't praise this movie for anything other than Channing Tatum's cool roller rocket boots he uses in some scenes. They honestly look like a great way to zip away from any area with this movie playing on TV. Congratulations, "Jupiter Ascending", you're the worst movie of 2015 in my book. You did everything wrong in regard to competent filmmaking, and hopefully everyone else recognizes you as the piece of shit that you are.
So that's not only my list for the worst movies of 2015, but also my last ever blog for the year. Feel free to post some of your picks for worst of the year down below and don't forget to check out my list for the 10 best of the year in case you want to read a more positive blog. All in all, 2015 was a pretty damn good year once we got past the first few months. Now we have 2016 to look forward to with what is hopefully a strong lineup of big movies that meet our expectations. Happy New Year to everyone reading this, I'll see you in 2016.