Despite the hype over the admittedly excellent trailer for Goodnight Mommy, there's no doubt that The Witch is the scariest trailer in a long time. Watch it.
In case you were too busy cowering behind a cushion to really take all of that in, here's a breakdown of the trailer's salient points.
A sinewy guy chops wood with an axe
Proof, if it were needed, that the Pilgrims were fond of washboard abs, too.
A tiny child whispers to a goat
It must be a very clever goat as it speaks Sheep.
The goat is called Black Philip
The little boy shouts accusingly at his sister, "Black Philip says you are wicked."
"You've cursed this family"
A woman lies in a grave with a shrouded body, possibly that of her child. The actress is Game of Thrones's Kate Dickie — who plays balls-to-the-wall crazy mommy Lysa Arryn — so you know she'll bring some prime matriarchal madness to The Witch.
Just casually milking a goat...
Oh, it's delivering blood from the teat. When one of your goats is milking blood and the other is telling small children how evil you are, you know your New England colonial adventure is going wrong.
"This is witchcraft"
A little boy thrashes around in bed, sweating and screaming like a child possessed.
"It's not safe, not with them"
Thomasin (Anya Taylor-Joy) is boarded up in the shed by her father, who tells her, "think on thy sin."
It really doesn't look safe in there
Around 1:16 in the trailer, we see inside the shed. The white goat moves its head but there appears to be something else shuffling around in the darkness. After increasing the screen brightness to maximum I still can't be sure what's going on in there. Let me know if you guys have any luck!
The Witch is probably the scariest horror movie trailer of all time — but check out some of the solid competition!
'The Witch' is released February 19, 2016.