ByJordan Conner, writer at

To be completely honest, I was not super excited for the return of this show. You know how absence makes the heart grow fonder? Yeah, well, the absence of The 100 kind of made me reevaluate my thoughts and feelings of the show and I started to love it less and less. I know, I know.

So, I told myself to have zero expectations and to just try to enjoy it for what it is. Then, Murphy's little punchable face appeared on my screen and I think my heart decided to grow some immediate fondness.

Murphy is essentially spiraling into an even more crazy, snarky, sassy version of himself when the bunker he found at the end of season 2 seals itself shut. The video he stumbled upon, of A.L.I.E.'s creator shooting himself, plays over and over and gives us a little more insight into how the world went to hell.

It appears that the creator, Chris, modeled his artificial intelligence project after his girlfriend, Rebecca. The two meet and A.L.I.E. states that her purpose is to make the world a better place. Well that's sweet. How are you going to do that? Rebecca asks this and A.L.I.E. decides to make things super awkward by announcing that there are too many people on the Earth. flag numero uno.

Murphy can't take his isolation anymore. He appears to want out but can't bring himself to pull the trigger. In a stunning turn of events, the bunker immediately decides to unlock and let Murphy back out into the wild. She's a fickle one, that bunker.

Murphy follows a drone to the mansion that Jaha discovered A.L.I.E. in last season. Jaha greets him and kindly ignores Murphy's haggard, and probably smelly, appearance. He then carries an exhausted Murphy into this wonderful new house of horrors, the credits begin and every weirdly negative thought I had about the show during the hiatus just soars away like an Arker getting floated.

This episode then decides to give me a steady list of wish fulfillment over the next 15 minutes. First, Bellamy and Lincoln are sparring. Shirtless. I can be shallow. Let me be shallow. This does serve some purpose though. Clearly, these two have been teaching the other Arkers necessary fighting skills during this 3 month time jump.

After losing his match, but looking so good while doing so, Bellamy gives Lincoln an Ark uniform. He clarifies that on the ground they get to decide what that uniform now symbolizes. Apparently, Octavia is going to be pissed about this gift. Oh no.

The second of my list of wish fulfillment is Kane's beard. ALL OF MY WISHES ARE SHALLOW LEAVE ME ALONE. It's so simple, but hey Kane. You look great. Anyway, I truly love that Kane and Bellamy seem to have found a nice balance of leading together and also not wanting to punch each other all of the time. There's a real sense of Arkadia trying to create a functional society now that a truce is helping keep the crazy at bay.

Bellamy proceeds to take a team out to Sector 7. Apparently the Arkers and Grounders devised a system of Sectors after this truce. Or maybe now the Arkers just know about them? We get to catch up with our favorite delinquents who are in various stages of hurt, pain and just plain cray.

My third wish fulfillment takes form in a wonderful little car ride across the land. Jasper continues to be a buzzkill when he jokes that Monty will probably try to melt Bellamy's new girlfriend. Not cool, Jasper. Also, not cool Bellamy. Why do you have a girlfriend? Why is she not me? It's probably not a great sign that we never got her name. Just sayin'.

Jasper continues his seasonal trend of being a horrible friend to Monty. I won't expand on that now but if you need some evidence I'll gladly make you a powerpoint. Jasper plugs his random iPod device into the vehicle's speakers and the adventure squad begins a cute little sing-a-long that I never knew I needed until right now.

The happiness, and let's be real this is the only happiness we will get this season, is cut short when Raven discover's a signal from the Ark's Farm Station on her radar. They haven't heard from Farm Station since the Ark crashed to Earth. The problem is that it's in Sector 8, or home of the Ice Nation. Is this an entire nation of ice? The climate at the border of Sector 8 suggests no but I'm going to cross my fingers for a yes.

Bellamy has orders to not engage in enemy fire with anyone from another clan. Going to scope out this signal is super risky and could hurt the already fragile truce. He says screw protocol though. Monty is from Farm Station and Miller's boyfriend too. Yay, Miller! Anyway, this is not going to end well and I like all of the people in this vehicle (and outside of it since Octavia is apparently rejecting all technology and riding horseback alongside them).

Murphy wakes up in the mansion and instead of being super impressed with it he is super skeptical. You have some smarts, Murph. Jaha is hilariously meditating in the next room. Not that meditating is hilarious, just everything about Jaha cracks me up these days. He seems constantly high and like his entire life is a perpetual Coachella at this point.

A.L.I.E. appears and tells Murphy that Jaha is in the City of Light. Okay? Is the City of Light a state of mind? Is it a weird virtual reality with no equipment? What is it? TELL ME.

Murphy blames A.L.I.E. for ending the world but neither she nor Jaha will admit if that is what she did. They think she simply made it better. Okay, Hitler thought that too and he wasn't exactly a beacon of the morally or mentally sane.

Our sing-a-long squad stops along the Ice Nation border to scope out the signal they picked up. Bellamy orders them to not shoot but we all know that is the sign for "someone is going to shoot." Turns out the signal is coming from a beacon that an Ice Nation resident is holding. Octavia tries to diffuse the tension but the Ice people want someone called "Wanheda" and won't take the hint when Octavia tells them she has no idea what they are talking about.

Jasper decides to keep on acting out and approaches the Ice people to take back the beacon claiming it as the Ark's. The men do not take too kindly to this and put Jasper in a chokehold. The man literally starts cutting into Jasper's neck AND JASPER SMILES. Smiles. Goodness, Jasper. Bellamy and the gang decide to finally open fire. Octavia gives the best fight by spearing the Ice people with a sword. It's great. She's great. This is the show that we love, y'all.

Finally out of that mess of a situation, Raven and Miller take a bleeding Jasper back to Arkadia while Bellamy and Monty answer a call from Kane. Apparently Kane and Indra have been in cahoots these last three months. Indra brings the news that the Ice Nation (and probably other clans) have been looking for Wanheda. Wanheda is Clarke. Uh oh.

Here's the part where I realize I haven't thought or cared about Clarke at all during the first 30 minutes of this episode. What does that say about my waning relationship with her? I don't know. I just know I have a lot of feelings. I'm working through them.

Anyway, Clarke is now a ginger (trying to get back on my good side, I see) and is fairly decent at killing panthers. Okay, I'll try to suspend my disbelief for a second. She takes the panther to a trading post where she is able to get it bundled up in convenient and cookable pieces.

The trade post worker is obviously flirting with Clarke but she seems to be failing miserably. Clarke seems pretty miserable too. Also, she is in desperate need of a bath. When a bounty hunter named Roan walks in with a rough sketch of a woman that looks suspiciously like a blonde Clarke, the worker skillfully leads him in a different direction. Clarke asks why she protected her and the girl, Niylah, tells Clarke that her mother was in Mount Weather and Clarke essentially saved her. I guess they don't need to discuss the details of that one.

Clarke refuses to discuss the details anyway. Instead she thanks Niylah with her body. Well, that's one way to do it. Get it, Clarke.

Back in Arkadia (I'm growing fond of this name), Abby and Jackson take Jasper to patch him up. Octavia gives Lincoln the cold shoulder after making a remark about his Ark jacket. Abby asks if Raven is in pain again from her 1,000 injuries acquired over the past 2 seasons. Raven ignores the question and tells Abby that she's horrible at all of her jobs. Raven has a bit of a point. All of that wonderful happiness at the start? It's like it never existed. The show is finally back to it's typical self. Angst, despair, death, pain, suffering. All of it. Everywhere.

For instance, Octavia is being super angsty about Lincoln assimilating into Arker culture. The thing is, Lincoln literally has no where else to go. He's been banned from practically every other clan for choosing Octavia in the first place. I get that Octavia has zero loyalty to the Ark since it never showed her or her family any favors. The jacket Lincoln wears probably reminds her of the guards that frequented her mother for "favors" the entire time her mother and Bellamy were trying to keep Octavia safe and hidden.

Whether it's guilt, disgust, genuine hatred or the fact that she's way more badass as a Grounder, Octavia is not here for Lincoln having anything to do with Arkadia. Too bad Lincoln just wants peace. I'm as conflicted about these two as they are about each other. Eventually Lincoln ditches the jacket and joins Octavia in the forest where I assume she has been sleeping. When Octavia commits to something, she commits hard.

Jaha and a random new friend find Murphy down by the lake. Jaha tells Murphy that over the past three months they have converted the nuclear missile, that Jaha flew to Earth, into a power source. They can carry A.L.I.E. everywhere now! What fun! Jaha refuses to accompany them until the boat shows up and Emori gives him a shoutout. Emori is the girl that Murphy bonded with in the desert but she ultimately betrayed his group and left them for dead. Also, she stole all of their stuff. Murphy is a forgiver now and almost skips to the boat. I guess he really had few other options.

In a very "we need ratings" move, singer Shawn Mendes shows up in the group tasked with getting supplies from Mount Weather. Raven catches his character trying to pocket something and instead of snitching on him she asks him to play a song. Okay, then. It really isn't as awkward as it sounds on paper. It's a nice little background song to accompany scenes of our favorite characters looking tired, sullen or just completely over their terrible lives.

Jasper decides to ruin the mood one last time by tackling Shawn Mendes and trying to start a fight. It made me laugh out loud. While people try to restrain the enraged Jasper, he yells about how they shouldn't be taking this stuff. It belonged to the people of Mount Weather. Look Jasper, I get that you liked Maya for like 3 weeks but this reaction is a bit much. Most of Mount Weather gladly offered you up to the blood bank.

I hope the show frames Jasper's PTSD as an overall reaction to all of the crap that has happened to him since landing on Earth. He was speared through the chest, watched friends die and killed a man with an axe. This is cause enough to break a man. Losing Maya is a tipping point. It shouldn't be the whole reason he's in this state.

The season 3 premiere left us with two little cliffhangers. Of course it did. Indra explains that "Wanheda" means "Commander of Death" and Grounders believe that someone with that kind of power transfers their power to whomever happens to kill them. So, the leader of the Ice Nation wants Clarke dead for the power it would bestow upon her and her people. After this nifty little explanation, Monty slams the brakes on the vehicle in order to not hit a fallen tree. It hasn't fallen however, but has been cut down and now our people inside are trapped and possibly surrounded.

In another area Clarke is perfecting the walkout of a one night stand when she is grabbed. It's the same man, Roan, who was looking for her earlier. Dude knew it was her and must have waited outside all evening/night. Creeper.

This was an overall satisfying season premiere. It was also only part one! It's definitely setting up the storylines for the season and so far I am intrigued by the new plots and character interactions. I'm mostly curious about A.L.I.E. and that storyline. I hope they don't skim the surface in favor of even more Grounder conflict. We get it, the Grounders kinda hate each other but non-Grounders more. Whatever.

Anyway, I'm glad this show is back even though my heart lied to me and told me I wasn't. I guess that was my brain too. On a scale of Jasper to Jaha how crazy am I sounding? Yes, I realize that scale only really encompasses crazy. But let's be honest, the ridiculousness of this show is going to turn all of us into Jaspers or Jahas by the end of the season. Bring it.

Jaha, out.


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