ByElliot Lubet, writer at
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Elliot Lubet

Reggie vo “So I’m speeding through these red badlands on this alien terrain in a sweet panty soaking vintage metallic black Hemicuda muscle car desperately trying to stay on the trail of my dear friend mikey whom has been turned into one of the Tall Man’s experiments.

Reggie mows down lurkers in an epic drift, blood spatters as he streaks across the alien landscape

Jebidiah Morningside however is preoccupied in a small town called charterville, a pit stop on his grave robbing tour of the good old U.S. of A…”

Standing at the far end of the corridor to the funeral hall, gaunt and eerie the Tall Man.

Posing as the new town undertaker he oversees the wake and burial of Nano Williams, grandmother to Roland Williams, on his father’s side.

Roland and his two longtime friends Drew and his younger sister Joe. The three of them hoist the coffin along with Roland’s father, Aaron. After the casket is lowered Roland runs into Josh Baldwin and old friend with whom he’s lost touch.

Josh: Hey Roland.

Roland: Josh? What brings you here?

Josh: I read the obit in the paper, I wanted to pay my respects but I got here late.

Roland: Damn, talk about rude.

Josh: What, no I—

Roland: Dude…I’m messing with you.

Josh: Heh heh heh…phew.

Drew watches the two mingle from afar, a flare of jealousy burns within, which becomes more apparent as his face is slowly zoomed in on to depict the intensity of this cliche shrub hindered envy glare.

The creepy tension is broken by Drew’s younger sister Joe.

Joe: Drew are you scoping Roland’s sweet piece again?

Drew: Don’t be gross Joe, I would never!

Joe: No I know…your love is special the kind some can only find in a men’s afterhours bathhouse.

Drew: Charterville doesn’t even have one of those Joe. Doi!

Joe: Drew, how do you know that?

Drew: Because…………Shut up.

Josh shakes Rolands hand, closes in for a bro hug and the waves goodbye as he climbs on his dirtbike and exits.

Drew and Joe greet Roland

Joe: Hey Ro

Drew: Hey man, you doing okay, wanna crash at my place? I rented that Documentary on all the kaiju sightings. What did Josh want by the way?

Roland: He wanted to pay his condolences and what not.

Joe wanders past them seeing something strange in the distance while Roland and Drew were distracted with chatter. She sees the tall man lift Nano’s coffin out of the ground with ease and load it into the back of his hearse and then drives off.

Elsewhere in charterville…

Reggie vo“I dropped out of the sky, the car smashing through ancient lumber, through the roof of some condemned playboy mansion from the 20s, home to a menagerie of ridiculous monster squad rejects whom I shall save the time of mentioning, As I had not gotten the chance to learn their names.”

As the Black car crashes through the many floors of the mansion, it expose sunlight which kill fangula, he crushes Mum’s sarcophagus lifting the curse that bound his soul to it’s corpse, crush Frankenstein and cause an oil lamp fire that spreads throughout the mansion, the hemicuda conveniently falls straight through at an angle, when Reggie wakes up in the driver’s seat having been knocked out by the impact of the fall, he sees that he is in the throes of an all-out inferno, he is in the lobby of the mansion, the car starts itself to Reggie’s shock and somehow with no momentum rams through the front wall of the mansion entrance in a blazing glorious feat of movie logic and bad science.

The car amazingly still runs, pops out it’s dings and fuses the cracks in the glass back together.

Flabber: That was a close one wasn’t it?

Reggie shrieks and pulls out at an oversized six shooter and shoot at the phantasm’s head. The hed turns into blue vapor and then reforms after the bullet passes through his head.

Flabber: Rude. If I fix the window again are you gonna break it?

Reggie: What the hell are you?!

Flabber: The name is Flabber, I guess I’m a ghost…with magic ghost power and stuff, you destroyed the house I was…”not living”…in. So I…”not live” in… your car now.

“I got out of the car with my quadruple barrel shot gun. I know right, Bitchin’”

Aiming the gun at the car.

Reggie: Get out of my car!

Flabber: Or what you’ll kill me? I’m a ghost.

“He had a good point”

Reggie lowers the gun, and thinks to himself for a moment before inevitably accepting the situation and gets back in the car.

Flabber: So what brings you to Charterville?

Reggie: Certainly not to be haunted by some butt-chinned phantom.

Flabber: Ouch.

Reggie: Sigh…I am following someone called the Tall Man aka Jebidiah Morningside.

Flabber: Oh boy, are you gonna tell me a story? One of intrigue and of adventure?

Reggie gives the ceiling that “wtf happened to my life expression” mouthing the words “serenity now”.

Elsewhere at the comic book shop run by Roland’s family.

Heather works the counter while Trip and Van and Dudley browse and pester

Van: Hey Trip.

Trip: Yeah Van?

Van: Do you think it’s weird when the fencing instructor watches me shower after our private lessons?

Trip: Don’t talk about that in front of Heather, Slapper-dink, especially when its about grandfather!

The lights go out.

Heather: Did you Eurodisney chess club twinks, fuck anything up back there?

Heather is startled by a thud, she lights up a toy green lantern and discovers lurkers have killed the little snobs and their drive and were coming after here next. She runs out into the street, hysterical, she runs into the tall man, who grabs her by the neck and lifts her off the ground. And grins a sadistic grin.

Drew: Hey! Put her down

Tall man sees Drew staring him down in the street outside the shop. Tall man drops Heather who crawls away.

Drew snaps his fingers, activating his ability to manipulate objects with his mind.

The glass from the broken store window lifts of the ground, only the biggest sharpest shards, the fly into the tall man, who unflinchingly bleeds a putrid mango sorbet colored fluid from his wounds with large pieces of glass sticking out of him.

Drew is knocked down to the ground by a Graver armed with a pick axe. He rolls out of the way when the spike from the pick axe swings down, missing him and planting in the asphalt. A blur sweeps in and rams the graver at supersonic speed and the impact knocks him onto the back end of the pick axe head, impaling him.

Tall Man is pissed

Tall Man: BOY!!!!

Roland is the blur, using his speed ability.

Roland: Don’t you boy me, doc Brown-Lurch lookin’ harlem globe-cracker motherfucker.

Tall Man is confused by the urban retort.

Lurkers surround the two boys, at least a dozen.

One of them goes flying overhead

Pan to Joe who used her super strength trick to make herself known.

She proceeds to smash adjacent lurkers in a gory fashion.

Roland and Drew cringe at the horror of it all.

Roland: She’s getting worse man.

Drew: It’s the glue huffing.

Tall man knocks his useless minions aside and charges at the trio.

They become the beetle borgs just as he tosses them away with a powerful push of his own telekinetic power.

He examines the armored teens curiously.

The three of them summon their primary arsenal.

They open up a triangulated ranged multipoint beam attack, charring Jebidiah’s alien flesh.

His head begins to throb and bulge a sphere bursts out, and scans the beetleborgs with a red beam and then zooms away into the night sky.

Elsewhere while driving around Reggie and Flabber.

Reggie: Where are we going exactly?

Flabber: We are going to find Art Fortunes.

Reggie: Who in the world is Art Fortunes?

Flabber: He is the artistic mind behind the Beetleborgs comic book.

Reggie: Okay, and that is useful to us how?

Flabber: You’ll See just hang tight good buddy.

Car speeds into the night.


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