ByPhoenix Mangus, writer at
Comedian, DV filmmaker, Writer, Cinephile, and performer in a rock-comedy band, there is a lot to know about Phoenix but he's too lazy to wr
Phoenix Mangus

Hollywood, CA --- Coming close on the heels of the widespread outrage that yet another black man will be hosting the Oscars, the heads of the most powerful studios in Hollywood, Burbank and the San Fernando Valley have stated that it is time to push for more diversity in film. To this end all have agreed to fund more movies from screenwriters who are creating engaging black parts for white actors.

"The current landscape in America is all about diversity and political correctness," said Sony Studio head Tim Rothman at a 5 person panel set up in the parking lot of Los Angeles' prestigious Randy's Donut shop, "It's a shame we've ignored the needs of our white actors to play black roles for so long."

"This is only one step in a complete diversity overhaul for us. One day audiences will see more white males in strong, independent female roles!" piped in the squeaky voice of Universal Studios Chairman Donna Langley.

"As the most progressive film studio here, we won't be changing anything. Instead we offer other studios our advice and support," burped Chief Executive Officer Wang Nininch Chung of "Small Sluts & Black Studs Productions," the San Fernando Vally based studio, to uproarious applause and a standing ovation.

Some of the most interesting projects announced today is Joseph Fiennes as Michael Jackson in a new biopic, Michael Bay as producer, director and pyromancer of "Uncle Tom's Cabin," and "The Invisible Man" written by Jonathan Nolan, directed by "Batman's" Christopher Nolan and starring Leonardo DiCaprio as black man cast aside by society and anally raped by a bear. Disney's Alan Horn would not deny nor confirm the rumored "Nuts! George Washington Carver in the Magical Land of North" a musical to be directed by "Batman's" Tim Burton and acted by "Tim Burton's" Johnny Depp.

Stacy Dash, three time Oscar winner and Fox News super journalist, was found buying a vanilla-frosted crueler in Randy's Donuts, and had this to say about the timely announcement, "It really does make perfect sense. Black actors have historically gotten the best roles; that of slave, oppressed ghetto-dweller, endearing domestic help, villain or someone who dies. Just think of our less fortunate, white peers."

Tyler Perry and Vicki Lawrence were selling DVD copies of their new venture "Mama versus Madea: The Tomato Patch Wars" from the trunk of Perry's dark grey 1978 Oldsmobile. Although asked for a comment, Perry stared listlessly at a glistening black man standing nearby.


Latest from our Creators