Have you heard the news? Leonardo DiCaprio is an actor. A good actor—and he hasn't won an Oscar! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
He's played a child with special needs, a drug-obsessed high school student, a love-sick artist on a doomed voyage, a diamond smuggler, and even a slave plantation owner, but he still has never won an Academy Award.
Now, finally in the year 2016, it is foreseeable that the man behind so many of our favorite movies might actually win an Oscar for his work in a movie. The Revenant practically swept the Golden Globes and if all falls into place, it will sweep the Academy Awards as well.
Why has he never been honored with this most prestigious of awards? Why has he never been able to walk to the red carpet with his head held high and his Oscar even higher?
Because he went full retard, that's why! He always manages to do things that no person in their right mind would do!
Let's examine some of Leo's most "full retard" moments:
- Romeo + Juliet: It was a modern day Shakespeare piece set in modern times with the original dialogue left unchanged. Do I need to go on?
- Titanic: They both could have fit on that door. They could have taken turns. Nice going, Rose.
- The Beach: Leo did this "gem" instead of taking on the part of Patrick Bateman in American Psycho.
- Gangs of New York: "I've got a great idea, I'll act in a movie alongside Daniel Day-Lewis and expect an Oscar!" - said no one ever.
- Shutter Island: What is one step down from "It was all a dream?" How about "You're just crazy and it's all in your head."
- The Departed: Call in back up and have them surround the building before you walk Matt Damon and the ATM thief from Barbershop down the elevator. We've got cell phones, Leo. Use them.