Okay so, yes, it’s been declared that I, Micah Thompson, strong of hair and weak of body, shall save Batman vs Superman: Dawn of the Justice League Franchise. Now, no doubt you out there in the Internet world are filled with questions as to how this shall be done.
“But Micah,” you’re thinking in your naive and hopeful inter-brains, “How do you even know this movie needs saving?”
Well little Internet… I don’t. But I have reason to believe so. I mean, to put this in a different context, I don’t know for sure that the Damsel is in distress, but she is being held over the gaping maw of an active volcano by a dragon. Sure, I don’t know the exact context, maybe the princess and the dragon are friends, maybe the volcano is filled with warm and heart healthy V8 juice… but probably not.
And just to be clear Batman vs Superman doesn’t need rescuing from being a bad movie, it probably won’t be a bad movie. What it needs saving from is being ‘meh.’ Man of Steel was kinda ‘meh.’ It wasn’t terrible, the fighting was cool, Henry Cavill punched some things real hard, but it didn’t exactly tick all the boxes of greatness. You didn’t walk out of Man of Steel and instantly want to turn around and watch it again. You walked out of Man of Steel and wanted to go read a Superman comic, or pet a bunny, or find something to actually bring you happiness, or (in extreme cases) snap Michael Shannon’s neck.
If what we’ve seen in the trailers can be believed this looks like more of the same, Batman and Superman will glare at each other a lot, the punching will be cool, everything else will be ‘acceptable.’ And then just to add a weird and twisty side plot the trailer for this movie basically outlined the entire plot of the movie. Literally beat for beat. Sure, we all kinda new how the movie would go anyway (there aren’t many other directions for a movie like this to go) but we didn’t need one hundred percent confirmation.
It's worth noting that Zach Snyder (the director) has come out and said that there's ‘a lot more’ to the movie, but of course he said that. He’s not gonna come out and say ‘Yep, that’s the whole thing, good thing DC already signed that paycheck, huh?’
But, what say we take old Mr. Snyder at his word for a few minutes, huh?? What say we go way off base here and make wild and crazy fan theories, with little to no evidence to support them!?!!? Cause after all, what else are we supposed to do on the internet?
Theory 1: The Old Switcheroonski
Okay so here’s the very basic plot of the movie as outlined in the trailer. Batman and Superman don’t like each other, Lex Luthor encourages them to dislike each other more, about thirty minutes of people mopily staring at fields, Batman and Superman fight, brief pause to stare at things, Batman and Superman fight some more, Wonder Woman shows up, Doomsday shows up, we all become friends and have milkshakes.
Now, let’s be clear, that’s probably exactly what happens. But what if: The Doomsday fight is in the middle of the movie???
Stay with me here as I outline a new (and much better) plot. Batman and Superman don’t really like each other but after spending some time together defeating a minor villain of some sort, they actually develop a grudging respect for each other. They become sort of odd couple friends almost and develop a weird rapport as two people singularly set aside from mankind. But then Doomsday shows up and just wrecks the city (dooms it, some would say.) Batman and Superman have to team up to take him down but in the process of doing so Superman basically destroys Gotham. A devastated Batman comes to the realization that Superman really is a threat to the world and teams up with LexCorp (the creator of Doomsday) to take down Supes. The last act of the movie then is Batman vs. (yes there’s an ’s’ there) Superman. And at the end of the movie it looks like Batman has really killed Superman OR Superman thinks he’s killed Batman and goes into self-exile. Either way the movie ends with Superman out of the picture and a disenfranchised Batman thinking all alien life is too much of a threat.
I mean I realize I came up with it but… that’s pretty freakin’ sweet. AND a great set up for a Justice League movie in which the other Justice Leaguers have to track down Superman and Batman and convince them to come join the team for the greater good. I’m in. I’m all about that plan.
But that’s not Zach Snyder’s plan.
Crazy Theory 2: The Flash flashes Batman to the future.
Believe it or not, this is probably the more likely theory despite the utter insanity of working yet another super hero into the movie.
Okay so, Batman and Superman are throwing down towards the end of the movie (pre-Doomsday) and Batman gets the upper hand due to some Kryptonite shenanigans… Batnanigans??? Anyway, he gets the upper hand and is about to deliver a killing blow when, flash!! The Flash shows up!! And in a flash the Flash flashes forward showing Batman a flash vision of his flash future!!
This explains all the weird Darkseid stuff from the trailers when we all know (at least we hope we know) that this movie already has WAY too much going on for another villain. The Flash tells Batman that this devastated Darkseid ruled is the future that waits for the world if he kills Superman. Batman asks some questions but the Flash is purposely vague due to the whole step on a butterfly in the future kill a taco in the past thing, but is very clear on one thing, the two of them have to work together.
He then flashes Batman back to the present and disappears again, saying that the two of them will be meeting again soon ‘for the first time’ cause time travel jokes. So Batman changes his mind, Lex releases the Doomsday Ninja Turtle and Wonder Woman shows, and thus the Justice League is formed.
So there you have it guys! Two crazy theories that would make Batman vs Superman (in my own semi-humble opinion) a lot better. Any crazy theories of your own? Or just thoughts on rescuing our Batman princess from the Man of Steel dragon?? Be sure to share down below!