ByJessica Welman, writer at

So there is this movie with a chance of winning an Oscar about a person left for dead, overcoming insurmountable odds, and getting their revenge. This one got $135 million to film a White dude have a green screen attack with a bear, army crawl through the snow, eat and sleep in dead animals, and cauterize his own wounds.

You want a revenge story that is actually interesting? How about this one? Woman's husband puts out a hit on her, she and the hit men work together to dupe him, she sneaks out of the country against insurmountable odds, and shows up at her own funeral to tell the man who tried to murder her, "Surprise. I'm alive." I don't know about you, but I'd pay five times the admission price to see Uzo Aduba kick ass and takes names in this revenge story than the labored breathing of Leonardo DiCaprio.


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