ByMarlon McDonald, writer at
Umm... are you going to drink that Skooma?
Marlon McDonald

Man, we've seen so many advancements in video game physics over the years that have successfully added a whole new level of immersion to the art-form. Advancements like water physics, anything surrounding the insanely detailed construction of Lara Croft for Rise of the Tomb Raider, dynamic lighting and rapidly improving A.I.

But currently there's a movement emerging that wants to take immersion to a whole new level of real, and that's by making the most realistic dick physics your eyes have ever been privy to.

We've seen various penis mods for various PC games popping up across forums for years now, with Bethesda's Fallout and Elder Scrolls franchises and EA's The Sims seeing some seriously divisive efforts, but now modders are testing new tricks and techniques in order to bring the free-flappin' nature of the male appendage to a video game near you. And I place emphasis on the use of "flappin'".

Free Willy

Modder tentakeljugend is one of the more talented modders who have decided to grab the hard task by the shaft and roll with it, creating this hilarious and mind-boggling video in the process.

Beware though... it is obviously rather NSFW. Unless your workplace is cool with you having giant, pink peens flitting about on your monitor:

I haven't laughed and grimaced that much in a while, what a mixed sack of emotions.

Hard Times

Cannot unsee
Cannot unsee

This isn't a new phenomenon though, oh no, no, no! Penises have been infiltrating games for years now, and I'm not even referencing the lack of gender equilibrium in game development.

You can count back to 1982 with Atari game Custer's Revenge, where a particularly naked and visibly aroused Custer would attempt to make it safely across a killing field to a naked Native American woman, who is bound to a fucking pole by the way, and proceeds to sexually abuse her. What the hell, man?

This, coincidentally, was the first time an erect penis has been depicted in video games, but not the last for it seems '82 was a great year to be a creep. In Beat 'Em & Eat Em, you play as a rooftop bound dude who masturbates onto the ground below and into the mouths of a couple of patiently waiting women. I'm not making this shit up.

And in '82's X-Man, which is no relation to the injustice fighting team of supermutants with a similar name, you play as a man who is attempting to figure his way out of a labyrinth. If you manage to pull off his great escape, you get treated to a very unsettling sex scene that looks like it's been done by two consenting Muppets.

Mutant power of an abnormally sized dong
Mutant power of an abnormally sized dong

And after we thankfully left the '80s and its particular brand of filth behind, we moved on through into the '00s where the video game schlong was obscured behind the censorship wall of M-rated games. Games like:

Manhunt 2



And recently the batshit insane

Mount Your Friends

Which happens to have eyebrow raising physics aplenty.

I wonder what could be next for the video game dong?


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