ByDane Bossey, writer at
The Name is Bossey. Dane Bossey.
Dane Bossey

1. Frankness - Cut the B.S.

2. Capitalism - God's way of determining who is rich and who is poor.

3. Facial Hair - Full, thick, and square. Nothing sculpted. If you have to sculpt it, that probably means you can't grow it.

4. Living in the Woods - Live off the land.

5. Rage - One rage every three months is permitted. Try not to hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it.

6. Security - Secure the land.

7. Poise - Sting like a bee. Do not float like a butterfly. That's ridiculous!

8. Handshakes

9. Body Grooming

10. Friends - One to three is sufficient.

11. Property Rights - They exist. Do not let them be taken away from you.

12. Masonry - Building walls makes you strong. Defending them makes you stronger.

13. Cabins - A place to rest that is made of logs.

14. Perspiration

15. You - You are your biggest ally.

16. Crying - Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.

17. Physical fitness

18. Intensity - Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.

19. Torso - Should be thick and impenetrable.

20. Old Wooden Sailing Ships

21. B.O. - Cultivating a manly musk puts your opponents on notice.

22. Stillness - Don't waste energy moving unless necessary.

23. Skim Milk - Avoid it.

24. Cursing - There is only one bad word, Taxes. Any other word that is good enough for sailors is good enough for you.

25. Cow Protein

26. Pig Protein

27. Chicken Protein

28. Romantic Love

29. Deer Protein

30. Fish (SPORT ONLY)

31. Discipline - The ability to repeat a boring thing over and over again.

32. Attire - Shorts over 6" are capri pants. Shorts under 6" are European.

33. Self-reliance - Trust yourself.

34. Suspicion - Do not trust anyone else.

35. Skim Milk - That's right. It's on here twice. Avoid it.

36. Team Work - Work together as if your life depended on it. IT DOES!!

37. Selfishness - Take what's yours.

38. Haircuts - 3 acceptable styles: High and tight, crew cut, and buzz cut.

39. Greatness Itself - The best revenge.

40. Weapons

41. Woodworking

42. Welfare Avoidance

43. America - The only country that matters. If you want to experience other "cultures" use an atlas or a ham radio.

44. Buffets - Whenever available choose quantity over quality

45. Honor - If you need it defined, you don't have it.


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